Don't know what to say to "bring you back" (which isn't my goal) but I just wanna encourage your honesty. God desires our honesty more than our outward conformity to any denomination, or even feeling like we have to go to Him and say "appropriate" sounding things, or feeling like we have to put on a show for other people when we actually feel otherwise in our heart of hearts.
There are many who have experienced a deconstruction of their faith, which has made their entire investment in faith communities seem like an utter sham, so you're not alone.
I don't think any one book or any one sermon series will suddenly relieve you of what you're experiencing. But this book may provide some guidance, and perhaps even point you into a deeper season of just pressing into your feelings, and even sharing such feelings to God in prayer (like the Psalms do). It's called Anonymous, by Alicia Britt Chole.
Perhaps instead of trying to appease others around you by going through the motions, you may have to make some tough decisions to stand the ground you feel is honest to you, and explore that, in light of the pain of people and community disapproving in various forms. It's not easy. But for many who have solid faith that endures through storms, they've gone through such seasons, and such seasons will come again.