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The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin. My husband has been reading it as we prepare for labor (at 34 weeks now) and he says it’s wonderful.
Not sure if this link works because I’m on mobile but here’s hoping: The Birth Partner
We haven't had the baby yet, but for my spouse reading The Birth Partner made a huge difference in their level of engagement and enthusiasm for birth planning. It's completely gender neutral and reinforces the idea that your support person during labour and delivery (your wife, sounds like!) can have many active tasks, responsibilities and roles to take on at each stage.
Even though it's targeted towards partners, I'm in the process of reading The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin and already feel like I'm going to recommend it to everyone. I've learned an incredible amount, it's easy to read, and I find the tone to be really respectful and level (not preachy).
I borrowed it from the library and it's so good I'm wishing I'd just bought it.
Hey! My husband liked The Birth Partner by Penny Simpkin: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1558329102?tag=duckduckgo-iphone-20&linkCode=osi&th=1&psc=1
He said after reading it, “So basically when you’re in labor I stay out of the way and do whatever you tell me and get you whatever need.” 🙃🙂
Edit: rereading this again: did you want a book for partners on birth, or raising kids? I can give some books on this, too!
For birth, not parenting:
No idea if your the mom or partner, but I learned way more from 'The Birth Partner' than from my in person multi-day birthing class. It was hands down the best out of 7 books I read in advance. Cribsheet and all that other stuff was nice, but this was easy to read, broken up into manageable parts, and includes helpful visuals and check lists. My wife read it a couple months after me, and finally understood why I was disappointed in the birth class.
My midwife recommend the birth partner and it’s really good! I’ve actually been reading it too haha and from a glance on Amazon, looks like they have an audiobook
As a new father with ADHD, this book was incredibly helpful for the time leading up to the birth. I know it’s not what you’re asking about now, but I can’t recommend it enough. Information is presented really well, and has a bunch of quick reference sections. I even brought it with me to the hospital when my wife gave birth and was so happy to have it.
The Birth Partner 5th Edition: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Partners, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions https://www.amazon.com/dp/1558329102/
The Birth Partner is excellent. It breaks down each phase of birth (carrying, pre- labor, labor, delivery) into three parts: What is happening inside the woman and her experienc, what you can expect from medical professionals, and what you can do as the partner to help. It has a hospital checklist in it, lots of tips, and it teaches you a lot about how to advocate for your wife's needs while you're at the hospital. I cannot recommend it enough.
The Birth Partner 5th Edition: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Partners, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions https://www.amazon.com/dp/1558329102/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_PCYFSHGYKV4HJNCQZPFF
Also, an Amazon show called "One Born Every Minute". It's a docu-series which goes through the birth process for 2-3 women per episode. Honestly after watching a couple seasons of that I felt like I knew what to expect, but also I learned that sometimes things don't go as planned and to trust in the hospital staff.
I highly recommend the relaxation passage in The birth partner! When I stalled out on dilation, that passage read by husband and focusing on loosening up my jaw/face muscles, helped dilation continue.
The whole book is a great overview of the process though it gives a lot of info on hospital birthing which may not be relevant.
I recommend this book: The Birth Partner
I bought it for my partner with a dose of overoptimism (it is a big book, and he is not a reader), read it myself instead and have him the highlights. It's a fab book full of info and helped my anxiety around labour and possible issues.
Congratulations!!! I know you have a lot of comments, so I’m sure someone has already said this, but, you should definitely get the book The Birth Partner (Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1558329102/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_56ZJMXPJE77W597KAW8H) Sorry for the long link, I’m on mobile! I have a 3 day old and this book is a large reason why my husband was the most amazing support person through my labor. I honestly would not have gotten through my induction unmedicated (or even medicated!) without my husband using the techniques in the book! I cannot recommend it enough!
As for pregnancy- just be there! The last month can be pretty rough with discomfort and hormones and it was nice that my husband did the little things for me to help me out- like doing laundry, making dinner, and getting me some of my cravings so I could relax and be happy! Making your wife feel loved and comforted throughout the pregnancy will be so important! Good luck and congrats again!
I always recommend the book The Birth Partner! Super helpful book written by a doula, it gives a lot of great advice for making sure the birthing person is cared for and safe and that you’re also taking care of yourself. I can’t recommend it enough!
The book The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin was very helpful for me as a first-time dad. It does a great job explaining what your partner is going through, how they may be feeling, how you may be feeling, and how to be supportive. Super great stuff.
I absolutely love the Birth Partner Guide. It's incredibly informative and easy to digest with evidence based information specifically designed for partners. It's written and set up to be a resource you can have on hand and easily find what you need throughout pregnancy, birth and post-partum.
Get him a copy of The Birth Partner STAT! My husband loved it and he knew stuff I didn’t after he read it
My guess is The Birth Partner: Birth Partner 5th Edition: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Partners, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions https://www.amazon.com/dp/1558329102/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_pEAXDbDNWHMB4
For the birth process, I found Penny Simkin's The Birth Partner incredibly helpful.
During the first year, I also got a lot out of Baby 411.
My husband liked The Birth Partner by Penny Simpkin
I did not find this book to be condescending. It is however both long and dry.
For starters, a sincere congratulations to you!
I'd be concerned if you weren't at least a little nervous. Being nervous is perfectly normal. I was nervous and scared shitless before my son arrived.
With regards to pointers, first and foremost, have patience with your partner. If she seems a little short with you some days, don't take it personally. Her body will be going through some major changes over the course of the next 9 months or so.
Secondly, be there, step up, and take the time to do some research on what to expect, particularly when the baby finally arrives. While no one will ever truly be 100% ready, it may actually ease your nerves to have a ball park idea of what to expect.
A few books to read may include:
Help your partner pack a hospital bag and expect to be there for at least 24 hours. Include things like insurance documents, health cards, phone chargers, and some pillows to name a few things. If you're going to be in the delivery room, have a seat on the floor if you start feeling queasy. Nurses and the Doctor may remind you of this as well.
I put together a postpartum care package for my wife when she had our son. If you want to do the same, buy a Peri Bottle with a crooked neck similar to the one in the link. Also get her some perineal spray and some Instant Ice Maxi Pads. Believe me, she will thank you!
I hope this helps! Best of luck!
Welcome to the club! 😊 I’m 22 weeks and still scared 😂 and still in shock.
Buy pregnancy pillow sooner than later, drink a lot of water, everything is going to be okay. You got it!
Here is few books that I liked.
The Pregnancy and Postpartum... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245891?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Just want to share that you both should decide. We found these two books to be helpful.
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth
There are lots of classes you guys can take. I recommend both you and your wife take them because even though she is going back to work she will still be involved in baby care.
Classes to take before baby is born:
Classes to take later, after baby is born but before 6 months:
There are lots of great online courses but you can often find free ones through your local health authority.
My biggest recommendation is finding a labour, delivery, and newborn in-real-life class where you meet other local couples who are delivering around the same time as you. For example, our local health authority has a once-a-week 10w class that is designed to have 5w before baby is born and 5w after baby is born. Couples meet once a week and you get to know moms, dads, and other caregivers for baby. Its really nice because you get to hear other peoples experiences, get to work through those early issues together under the guidance of a nurse etc. Its very reassuring! After the class ends you have a group of adults who you can keep in contact with, have playdates, etc. We (including the dads) often go out for walks, patio/restaurant, zoo dates etc.
Once baby has arrived and you are through the thick of it (2-3 mo) I would recommend signing up for baby & parent classes. I know a lot are geared towards mom & baby but there are plenty for dads too and honestly I wouldn't care if a dad showed up to a mom & baby class. There are usually great free programs through local recreation centers, community centers, and/or libraries.
To keep busy consider getting an annual pass to a local attraction be it the zoo, science center, or play park. Somewhere that kids frequent but where you can get out and moving.
If you dont have this book already I recommend it for partners: The Birth Partner. If your wife has bought any baby books they will also have sections in the back on basic newborn care.
Finally, just being present on these subreddits helps alot. Lots of great tips, advice, and shared experiences! J*ust as an FYI there are monthly subreddits for your baby's due date month.* You can join these private subreddits and be with a group of parents whose babies are all the same age. That way you can ask and see more relevant information to your baby! r/babybumps has a 'how to' join these in their wiki.
As somebody in that same position I'm planning to read The Birth Partner soon.
Read this book! It will answer all your questions. I found it extremely helpful and recommend it to all almost dads.
It’s this one! I read the revised fourth edition but they’ve since released the fifth.
>The Birth Partner
Oh yes, I only recommended the top 10% of books I read myself. Here's one that our friends gave to my husband:
In our case, our kiddo was over 11 lbs at birth, and we went the C-section route, so not all of the material was as applicable.
Birth Partner is a great book for preparing for the actual birth. It is an extremely stressful time, and it really helped me by having a better understanding of what is going on. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1558329102
I highly recommend the book The Birth Partner for quickly learning comfort measures and labor/birth positions for both you and your birth partner (if applicable). At 34 weeks, don't worry about intently reading the whole thing-- just skim and reference the orange pages to get ideas of what could work for you.
This podcast episode on Comfort Measures from Birth Kweens is also a good place to start. The show can sometimes be a little "woo" for my personal taste (I'm personally not a doula that uses essential oils/herbal remedies, etc.), but it covers the ground of the wide variety of things you could try pretty efficiently.
What terrifies you and does it relate to the perineal massage? When you hold your breath, is this during the perineal massage? Could it be the feeling of an uncomfortable stretching or the placement of his fingers on a particular spot? If ever you're uncomfortable and not wanting to continue stop that very moment. Perineal massage is supposed to be an enjoyable experience in preparing for birth.
If you're concerned about tearing, yes the massage can help with this, other than during the typical 6 week recovery period when all healing is taking place, tearing really shouldnt be too concerning. Speak with your care provider and ask that when babe is starting to crown, could they please use a warm compress around the perineal area, this will help to relax the area and prevent tearing. Make sure your support people know what you'd like to happen so they too can advocate for your requests.
Medical intervention; I think you're refering to inductions, episiotomy, vaccum/forceps, or cesarean birth?
At which point are you most concerned with an intervention occuring?
Here's a great reference for you, an article written not to scare but to inform about interventions during birth. Written by an accredited organization; https://www.llli.org/birth-interventions/
If you don't get your answer to your question, let me know.
As questions come to you write them down, you'll be thankful to have a reference to go back to that you've created for yourself.
Heres a book you and your partner should read; https://www.amazon.com/Birth-Partner-5th-Childbirth-Companions/dp/1558329102/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1544845422&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+birth+partner&dpPl=1&dpID=51PclZV9zaL&ref=plSrch
Your partner will be happy to be as much a part of labour as you are by just knowing some information and being less surprised as things come up or occur. He'll feel useful too after reading this book and well prepared to help you.
Its never too late to start something new! You make your body stronger because during labour movement is really good. Finding a new spot/position every 30-40 mins does also assist with shortening labour's length. Very easy going yoga, lunges, squats, and just holding a hands/knee position will build up endurance and strength.
The last month or so it is very normal to have hightened anxiousness about going through labour. That may not go away, you can only try to prepare as best you can.
Some ideas; https://youtu.be/qsV70xXivH8
I am very sorry to hear about your pup. What kind of dog was he? Breed? And character? Dogs are wonderful companions, truly I am so very fortunate for mine and I can't imagine how tough it is to lose a best friend.