MIL#1: she hates my favourite shade of yellow. I somehow feel like this is a small victory.
MIL#2: for your consideration, I present a Nutella vodka recipe. I figured vodka to pay homage/insult her heritage. http://www.foodbeast.com/news/creamy-nutella-vodka/
MIL#3: While it is creepy that she keeps bits and pieces of people, I almost feel sorry for her. From the way you write about her, she seems the most calm/nice of the MIL's you've introduced so far, if a little misguided and messed up.
MIL#4: I want a box of these to throw at her every time she reaches for a boob. https://www.amazon.com/Boobs-Stress-Balls-Set-squeezing/dp/B000FBWI4K Either that or follow Trump's rule and grab her inappropriately when she does it to someone. Then you'll be ordering rubber gloves instead of stress balls off Amazon.
Get him these boob stress balls https://www.amazon.com/Boobs-Stress-Balls-Set-squeezing/dp/B000FBWI4K
And for the ass I don’t know
Maybe something like this? Not sure if they squeak or not.
https://www.amazon.com/Boobs-Stress-Balls-Set-squeezing/dp/B000FBWI4K
i would make one of these
woah wait wait wait, you mean these? https://www.amazon.com/Boobs-Stress-Balls-Set-squeezing/dp/B000FBWI4K because my friend got these and they are.. ahem... the tits.
Seriously. Try taking one and bouncing it like a ping pong ball on your hand. There's something extremely satisfying about them. And I don't even mean sexually. On some cosmic level of fundamental physics, they're just awesome.