Yeah, I've read Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold so I'm actually quite familiar with lesbians during that era (or at least, the ones that book covers). I'm not saying that someone would NOT come out to their coworkers/fellow theives in that scenario, I'm just saying that them being closeted for some time is not, imo, a "bullshit excuse". I mean, I know people who don't come out to their coworkers in 2015.
Okay, so I've narrowed down what I think are probably the most relevant resources for you based on what you said in your original post and your follow-up. There's a lot to go through here and what I may get out of it may be different from what you get out of it, but I think these resources are as good a place as any to start. I always recommend that baby gays immerse themselves in the words and stories of the ones who came before them as they're coming into themselves and trying to find out where they might fit. No use reinventing the wheel and sometimes the most seemingly inconsequential term or concept can be the thing that helps you understand yourself in a way you weren't even expecting. Normally this would happen in real-life community spaces but very few of us have access to those anymore so I think that books (older books, mostly from before the internet really took off) are the next best thing.
In no particular order:
1) [Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold](https://www.amazon.com/Boots-Leather-Slippers-Gold-Community/dp/0415902932): It's a collection of interviews of lesbians who were active in the lesbian scene in Buffalo, NY from the 1930's through the 1960's. I feel it may be useful to you to hear some first person accounts of the ways in which lesbians lived amongst each other, their joys and struggles, and to see that (perhaps), even generations down the line, we are not so different.
2) [S/he by Minnie Bruce Pratt](https://www.amazon.com/S-He-Minnie-Bruce-Pratt/dp/1563410591): Pratt is a traditional "Butch/Femme" Femme, and an incredibly valuable, articulate voice both in literature and in lesbian culture. I can't overstate her importance so I'll just leave it at that. I'd recommend reading in particular two pieces in which she talks about her spouse, Leslie Feinberg: Perfume and Husband.
3) [Female Masculinity](https://www.amazon.com/Female-Masculinity-Jack-Halberstam/dp/1478001623): It's a bit academically focused but as a piece of writing on masculinity in the lesbian body, it's an important book, both historically and currently. Many Butch and masculine-of-centre people I know cite it as a pivotal piece of writing for them in their own understanding of their experience of lesbian gender.
4) [Butch Is A Noun](https://www.amazon.com/Butch-Noun-S-Bear-Bergman-ebook/dp/B004ASONE2/): Very accessibly written, it's a collection of personal thoughts and feelings on what it means to be a Butch or gender non-conforming lesbian. While Bergman has since transitioned, they spent quite a bit of time in lesbian spaces beforehand and acknowledge their lesbian history with respect and care in a way that I feel is rare with the younger trans men today who also came up in lesbian spaces. I think Bear writes about lesbians with more kindness and affection than most writers I've read, both pre- and post-transition, which I do think counts for something. Not necessarily related to the topic at hand, but I would also highly recommend the book [Blood, Marriage, Wine, and Glitter](https://www.amazon.com/Blood-Marriage-Wine-Glitter-Bergman/dp/1551525119/). There's a particular piece of writing where they talk about lovingly watching an auction for an antique teacup (if memory serves me) which is so sweet and tender that I'd recommend it to anyone in need of a short, heartwarming love story.
5) Stone Butch Blues, because of course... You can find a free PDF of it, thanks to the late author's generosity, on their website [here](https://www.lesliefeinberg.net/). Feinberg had a complicated relationship to gender all her life (as many, if not most, lesbians do) and the main character of the story, Jess, exemplifies that. It's a classic for a reason, but in particular I'd recommend paying attention to the relationship Jess has with her partner, Teresa, and what she is told in the early parts of the book from the older Butch/Femme couple in her life, Al and Jacqueline, about being a lesbian and about their dynamics. I think it's a nuanced portrayal of what lesbian gender dynamics can look like between two women, and, in my opinion, conveys it much more skillfully than anything more academically-minded ever will.
6) [The Persistent Desire](https://www.amazon.com/Persistent-Desire-Femme-Butch-Reader/dp/1555831907):It's a massive collection of Butch Femme writing spanning decades, and collected by Joan Nestle, a Femme who is one of the original founders responsible for the Lesbian Herstory Archives in New York. It has been out of print for a while and can be a but pricey online so [here's](https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1M9\_phxgrec2eVbjH1bAk1jSrBALMEpNc) a link to a PDF of it in its 500+ page entirety, as well as a few others, courtesy of someone else's now-defunct lesbian blog. *Note: as it's not hosted on my personal Google Drive account, here's your obligatory disclaimer to download at your own risk, but I will say I've downloaded some of their other files and I think you should be fine. :-)*
7) [My Lesbian Husband](https://www.amazon.com/My-Lesbian-Husband-Landscapes-Marriage-ebook/dp/B00BMKKP70/): This may be of interest to you. It's a personal account of a marriage between a Butch and a Femme and delves into some of the more personal aspects of the relationship between them and how they navigate the world from their respective positions. Again, very accessibly written and a good book if you're looking for an account of lesbians in their own words (as opposed to filtered through someone else working in academia).
I wish I could point you to some of the old lesbian forums, particularly the Butch/Femme ones as their discussions about the lesbian experience of gender were some of the most diverse and vulnerable I've found. All that really remains (that I'm aware of) is the [Planet](http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/), which has tech issues more often than not these days but occasionally on a blue moon (such as at the time I'm posting this right now) you can still get through and read some of the old posts. If you do, I'd recommend the [Dating](http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=110) and [Romance](http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=127) boards, as well as the [Butch](http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=12) and [Femme](http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=11) boards, particularly the older threads, just to get a feel for the diversity of expression and ways of relating to one another before the modern day queer movement really picked up steam. It may just surprise you. :-)
Honourable mention about being gay in general and tackling some of that internalized homophobia goes to...:
[Ties That Bind](https://www.amazon.com/Ties-That-Bind-Sarah-Schulman-audiobook/dp/B00L83ICEE/) by Sarah Schulman:It's good for delving into the familial homophobia issue and about the right to be seen, heard, and treated with the same humanity which your straight family members likely take for granted. I found it very insightful and a validating read.
[The Velvet Rage](https://www.amazon.com/Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Growing-Straight/dp/0738215678/) is pretty good and definitely a classic. It *is* written from a gay man's perspective but a lot of the feelings of shame and internalized homophobia are similar and I'll always recommend paying attention to what our gay brothers have to say about taking up space and pushing back against homophobic programming. Having been socialized as men, I find they tend to have better boundaries around these things and are less likely to allow themselves to be gaslit and pushed around by homophobes, so don't dismiss their perspective out of hand simply because they're not lesbians. Over the years, I've found my friendships with gay men to be invaluable and a real source of strength in my life as a lesbian, and have found their literature to be no different.
Finally, check out the Lesbian Herstory Archives. They've [digitized](https://lesbianherstoryarchives.org/digital-resources/) some of their collections so that you can access it easily from wherever you are. I'd recommend checking out some of their audio collections when you have a few hours to kill and are in the mood to spend some time with your lesbian elders. In particular, I'd recommend the [audio tapes](http://herstories.prattinfoschool.nyc/omeka/exhibits/show/boots-of-leather/buffalo-women-s-oral-history-p) from the Buffalo Women's Oral History project.
I hope this has given you a bit of a starting point and that something in there proves to be insightful (hopefully without being too overwhelmed).
Lastly, I'd just like to reiterate how very much you are absolutely *not* alone, as hopefully these resources will show you, and that there is no wrong way to exist as a lesbian, or a woman for that matter. One of the great joys of being a lesbian is that you get to make your own path. I wish you all the luck in your journey, young one. Be well. 🤍