I’m glad the link helped. With NPD, it is intentional. With BPD, I think it is more likely to be unintentional. Either way, the effect is the same.
And yes, it sounds like this is a familiar dynamic for you. There are a ton of books out there about boundaries, so I suggest that. And therapy is the shit.
I recommend this as a quickie guide to boundaries for anyone that has ever experienced an unhealthy interpersonal dynamic: Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship .
It's not a game of "what answer should I give," as much as "realizing you don't owe them answers".
Basically, they're giving you a "hidden message" which is, "You HAVE TO answer my questions."
The reality is: "You do not owe them answers".
They're saying, silently, through body language, female privilege, and etc., that "I'm above you, in power; and you are below me in power, so you MUST comply". Which is bullshit. In your life, only YOU matter. Only you "get a vote" on decisions. Your life is not a democracy. It's a dictatorship.
You might want to check out this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-After-Pathological-Relationship-Adelyn/dp/1523368829/
(boundaries after a pathological relationship)
Content provider, LOM (Lion of MGTOW) says to use the phrase, "Aggressively Single" when asked intrusive questions about one's dating status, etc. That might work, but I'd rather eliminate the entire line of questioning out, entirely, forever, by saying:
"I value my privacy. You will find that I typically do not answer every question that other people ask me. Thanks for understanding my need for having life boundaries; and for respecting my needs".
Most bossy / nosy people probably never dealt with a direct "NO!" in their life. They won't know how to. They may go away, and rat you out to the Female Collective, for "Failure to comply" with one of them. This may get more of them coming at you, to break down your walls. Don't let it happen. Period.
If such people persist, ask them if they answer every question that anyone asks them, no matter how rude, intrusive, or wrong it is of them to ask. "Neither do I" would then be your reply back.
A real smart ass might say, when asked stupid shit, "What grant of authority do you have, to ask me that kind of question? Who granted it to you"? I did that to an asshole "white knight" cop, once, and he was literally jumping up and down, and screaming, but his body camera prevented him from falsely arresting me, or shooting me -- even if he wanted to do those things. All I did was "set a boundary" against police abuse, and maintained it, 100%, no matter how much he acted like an ape on acid. I then turned that horse's ass in -- not to this boss (who would just side with him, all the time) -- but to the insurance agency for the department he was working for. I never saw that asshole, after that: his department's insurance company saw to that.
Once you learn the true power that boundaries have, your answer's wording or tone does not matter, or at least is not the key point, or the primary concern. The fact that you are not giving them power over you, does matter. That's key.
Once you've realized that, you're much better off than most people out there, in self-defense, and having a peaceful life that YOU are in control of.
Even if they're max crazy / max controlling, it's still ultimately none of their fucking business what life choices you make. They know that, all too well, but manipulators hope you won't set and enforce clear and never-moving boundaries on or against them.
A person who understood boundaries but who was forced (due to workplace BS, etc.) could simply, in a nice and polite tone, answer any instrusive or any unwanted question a person asks, as if they asked you what the time of day was; how you felt about some sports team, or other irrelevant answer.
The real message being: "Fuck off, jerk, and stop asking me questions that are none of your biz" but in a "deniable" (aka: gas-lighting) way ... much like so many of these people do to all of us, all of the time. If it's good for them, why not we use it, too?
But any blunt answer essentially meaning, "No, I sure as hell DO NOT have to do that" may offend some asses, enough to slow/stop them. Whether they will comply or not, is highly important: if they won't, get them the hell out of your life, pronto!
I did my reading AFTER the relationship ended and I was seeking out what the f had happened and how to heal. These are the books I got the most out of:
Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship A VERY short book (36 pages?) about boundaries and basic rights. I highly recommend this for anyone that grew in up a household without boundaries or with a narcissistic or other disordered parent(s).
Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse This author validated a lot of the pain I was feeling, which was so important because the abuse I suffered hadn’t left physical evidence.
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men One of the most important reads in my entire life for 2 reasons: it helped me understand boundary violators in my life that were more subtle and in the first chapter single-handed it took away all the excuses I was so willing to give people/my ex for reasons I should “understand” why they are the way they are.
Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life This is a good staple. I read it from time-to-time as a reminder. It is faith-based, so it you don’t swing that way, simply ignore those sentences. This should be a standard for high school “social studies.”
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself I love this book because it gave a name to my behavior tendencies. No, I don’t enjoy controlling someone or taking care of them. Rather, when around someone with a very forceful or controlling personality, I tended to immediately assume a submissive role. I didn’t know that before this book. And once I knew it, I could work to change it.