NTA. I’m sorry, this is wildly frustrating and also a bummer. I’m a bonus mom, this especially hurt my heart a little to read.
And also, this sounds like a classic teen move. Deflection, lack of accountability, trying to push blame/responsibility onto another person. That doesn’t make it OK, but it should help you shift your own energy when you approach this from an angle or “this is developmentally normal.” Teenagers frontal lobes are rewiring at this stage, and it makes them display some not so enjoyable behavior.
I can’t recommend this book. Dr. Siegel writes amazing books about childhood development and how to ride these waves.
Your son is not lost, or doomed to be a shitty grown up, I promise! This is a little rough patch that I’m sure your family will work through. You sound very loving :)
yikes. that was shaming and terrible of you. wtf did the kid do wrong? please educate yourself on healthy sex education (this is a good hub for resources) and then learn about shame-based parenting, why it is harmful and why you should stop doing it. then read this book to learn more about how to be a better parent for your kid.
YTA