It sounds like your community is legalistic and not very loving. Where is Jesus in all this?
The Jesus who did not condemn the woman caught in adultery. Oh yes, he said "Sin no more," but also said, "Neither do I condemn you."
He came and taught us this prayer:
"Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins," ordering his words in such a way that we know he forgives us daily.
There are two books, either one of which may help you.
Breaking the Bonds of Legalism, and
May you find the God of Love in all this, and be free from the legalism of the Pharisees, welcomed instead into the Kingdom of Love.