I just started reading "Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One" (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006M7A8JI/ref=docs-os-doi_0).
I found it while I was searching for meditation MP3s on Amazon and found the companion CD product to this book. I snagged a sample on my Kindle and thought it was fascinating so I bought it. It is kind of mind-fucking me right now just wrapping my head around a few things (It's big on quantum physics).
I'm right there with you. Because of that, I've read probably 40 or 50 books on goals and motivation. I even started /r/goals. Unfortunately, the ultimate goals system still eludes me, and it almost aggravates or inspires me to the point of wanting to create my own system.
So, I'm not sure I have any surefire solution to your problem, but I can give you two paths that may help.
Accountability. You can set all the goals you want in the world, but if you're not being accountable to someone else, you're a lot less likely to follow through. Pay someone to be your coach.
I just finished this book and would recommend it based on having finished it and the reviews. I listened to the Audible version and haven't actually tried out the system, yet, but it's a unique approach that I want to like. Check out some of the Amazon reviews, which summarize it much better than I care to do here. There is also this youtube video that I just saw when I was googling it, so maybe that will be a good introduction.
As a postscript, I'd recommend everyone buy and read Principles by Ray Dalio. I started reading it on the website while it was free, and I could tell it was a goldmine, but couldn't get around to finishing it (I'm not used to reading a book on a website, it doesn't work well for me). Ray Dalio is one of the few people I follow with Google Alerts because I think he is wise. If your really really really want to read the book right now, you can check it out on the wayback machine. Here is a quote: "...your goals will determine the “machine” that you create to achieve them; that machine will produce outcomes that you should compare with your goals to judge how your machine is working. Your “machine” will consist of the design and people you choose to achieve the goals. For example, if you want to take a hill from an enemy you will need to figure out how to do that—e.g., your design might need two scouts, two snipers, four infantrymen, one person to deliver the food, etc. While having the right design is essential, it is only half the battle. It is equally important to put the right people in each of these positions. They need different qualities to play their positions well—e.g., the scouts must be fast runners, the snipers must be precise shots, etc. If your outcomes are inconsistent with your goals (e.g., if you are having problems), you need to modify your “machine,” which means that you either have to modify your design/culture or modify your people."
>I think there is nothing i can do cause in no way im gonna vent to anyone, i just have to live with this baggage.
Not true. I found speaking to a therapist has helped me tremendously. Use the link below to find someone in your area who can help you.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
The following book helped change my life.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006M7A8JI/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Take a look at this book and get it too if you think it might help you.
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006M7A8JI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_TdKFAb7PKNYVF