What is Reddit's opinion of CalExotics Dr. Laura Berman Dilator Set, 4 Locking Sizes Plus Sleeve?

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This is the set I used. It’s $19 on Amazon. Warning that the jump between 3 and 4 is pretty large so you might want to buy a vibrator that bridges the gap. Berman Center Dilator Set https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00121B0H8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ghRjDbN196JTT

My pelvic floor physical therapist gives me a series of breathing and stretching exercises to do daily, as well as a regimen with dilators. She had me order the Dr. Laura Berman dilators (link posted below) to insert into my vag every day, and apply gentle pressure pressing down. I start in the middle of the vagina, then go to each side, but press down slightly and hold for 30 seconds. I was doing it incorrectly initially and it caused more pain, but we got it sorted out during one of my appointments. Your pelvic floor physical therapist should be able to give you a tailored regimen so I wouldn’t recommend using the dilators on your own without a therapist. Like I said, I was doing it wrong (applying way too much pressure in the wrong direction), and it caused more issues in the beginning.

I notice if I don’t use the dilators for 3 days or so, I start having urinary frequency and urgency again and increased pelvic pain. I just started using the next dilator size up (there are inserts for different sizes), and can already notice an improvement after just 3 days.

The deep breathing and external stretches also help, but not nearly as much as using the dilators.

CalExotics Dr. Laura Berman Dilator Set, 4 Locking Sizes Plus Sleeve: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00121B0H8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_3A84WMC4J5KKYNQXCS49

If the dilator set isn't covered, there's one on Amazon between $15-20 that works really well too. The vibrations helped a lot with relaxing pelvic muscles while dilating. It doesn't have as many sizes as the more expensive ones, but I think it's a really good set to try first if cost is a big consideration.

Thanks! I am looking to learn from experiences on where vibrators help and your comments on dilators are helpful as well. I was recommended 'Dr. Laura Berman Intimate Basics- Dilator Set' if that helps.

Try this set on Amazon- I found that the vibrations helped to relax my muscles while I dilated. You will want only move on to the next size when you are comfortable with the smaller size. When using multiple sizes in one session start with the smallest for a few minutes and then try the next size up. Don't skip a size and don't try and force it in if it won't go. Use lots of lube and dilate about 10-15 min 3-4 times a week. Some discomfort while dilating is ok but pain means stop and try again later.

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Here are some daily breathing and stretching PT exercises you should add to your dilation routine to help:

Don't feel like you have to do all of these exercises every single set you do throughout the day. Make a 5 min routine out of some breathing, stretching, and pelvic floor relaxation and do a set 2-3 times per day.

Use your dilator for about 10-15 minutes 3-4 times a week.

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Yoga poses that focus on stretching out the pelvic floor-

happy baby supine pigeon supine butterfly goddess pose

Try to do some of of these 2-3 times a day, for one minute each.

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Deep breathing: Lie with hips and knees bent. Allow body's muscles to relax. Place hands on belly. Inhale slowly and deeply for 3-4 seconds, so hands move up. Then take 3-4 seconds to exhale.

You can also imagine bushing your breath out of body through the pelvic floor, relaxing it each exhale.

Repeat 20 times.

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Pelvic floor exercises- (You really want to focus on getting your pelvic muscles to really relax. It almost feels like relaxing to go to the bathroom so is a little weird at first. That is definitely the exercise you want more than regular kegels, which are supposed to strengthen your muscles. You are currently trying to do the opposite.) -

Pelvic floor muscle relaxation: Lie on back with feet flat, knees bent.

Start each repetition with a 3 second contraction of the pelvic muscles, then let go of the contraction, then try a VERY GENTLE forced relaxation WHILE BREATHING.

Maintain the relaxation for 5 seconds, then just rest for 10 seconds.

Elevator exercises: "Your vagina is a muscular tube, with the sections arranged like rings one on top of another. Imagine each section as a different “floor” of a building, and that you are moving an elevator up and down by tensing each section, getting progressively higher. Start by slowly bringing the elevator up to the second floor and holding for a second, then move up to the third, and so on, until you get to the fifth floor. Hold. Now bring the elevator down, floor-by-floor, “resting” at each floor, to the first floor (the starting point). Then make a trip to the basement, where your pelvic floor is completely relaxed." (From this site ) - I wouldn't do any kegels to strengthen, only ones that let you relax and increase control

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Hopefully these are a good starting point!

I'm based out of the US so I can't really offer up too much help finding a PT across the pond but I can help you out with some exercises and stretches you could try.

You can try to treat it at home but you will most definitely have the best progress and personalized help if you go see a pelvic floor PT so I highly recommend checking that out!

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Some things you could try to increase your progress on your own are deep breathing and pelvic floor relaxation exercises that could help you, but I would still recommend going to see a PT on your own and get personalized help.

These are some exercises that my PT gave me helped me a lot and may help you while you figure out your next steps.

Don't feel like you have to do all of these exercises every single set you do throughout the day. Make a 5 min routine out of some breathing, stretching, and pelvic floor relaxation and do a set 2-3 times per day.

---

Yoga poses that focus on stretching out the pelvic floor-

happy baby supine pigeon (do for both legs) supine butterfly goddess pose

Try to do some of of these 2-3 times a day, for one minute each.

---

Deep breathing: Lie with hips and knees bent. Allow body's muscles to relax. Place hands on belly. Inhale slowly and deeply for 3-4 seconds, so hands move up. Then take 3-4 seconds to exhale.

You can also imagine bushing your breath out of body through the pelvic floor, relaxing it each exhale. Can be done sitting or standing if you need to.

Repeat 20 times.

---

Pelvic floor exercises- (You really want to focus on getting your pelvic muscles to really relax. It almost feels like relaxing to go to the bathroom so is a little weird at first. That is definitely the exercise you want more than regular kegels, which are supposed to strengthen your muscles. You are currently trying to do the opposite.) -

Pelvic floor muscle relaxation: Lie on back with feet flat, knees bent.

Start each repetition with a 3 second contraction of the pelvic muscles, then let go of the contraction, then try a VERY GENTLE forced relaxation WHILE BREATHING.

Maintain the relaxation for 5 seconds, then just rest for 10 seconds.

Elevator exercises: "Your vagina is a muscular tube, with the sections arranged like rings one on top of another. Imagine each section as a different “floor” of a building, and that you are moving an elevator up and down by tensing each section, getting progressively higher. Start by slowly bringing the elevator up to the second floor and holding for a second, then move up to the third, and so on, until you get to the fifth floor. Hold. Now bring the elevator down, floor-by-floor, “resting” at each floor, to the first floor (the starting point). Then make a trip to the basement, where your pelvic floor is completely relaxed." (From this site ) - I wouldn't do any kegels to strengthen, only ones that let you relax and increase control

Try to also be aware periodically throughout the day if your pelvic floor muscles are tight and clenched or relaxed in a natural position. If they are contracted and tight try and relax your muscles every time you notice. Deep breathing or relaxation kegels might be helpful here.

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You may also want to try a set of vaginal dilators. There's a wide variety online so I would check out the sets in vaginismus.com as well as Amazon and other places online to see which works best for you, your exercise routine, and your wallet.

I would recommend waiting to start using these until after you have seen and discussed it with a PT but that's not always an option for everyone.

You'll want to be laying on your back somewhere quite you can relax, like a bedroom or bathroom in the tub. Clean the dilators before and after each use with warm soapy water. Always use lots of water based lube (NOT Vaseline or petroleum) when inserting m, and you may want to do this after a set of stretching and breathing exercises. Start with the smallest size dilator and gently insert it at the same angle you would a tampon- angled back toward your tailbone not straight up into your body. When it's fully inserted try to do some kegels and pelvic floor relaxation exercises, as well as deep slow breathing. You may also want to angle the dilators and hold firm but gentle pressure in "problem areas. You can also make slow, "sweeping", circular motions from the side to side and back and front walls of your vagina. You may be fine with just holding it still as well. When totally comfortable with and able to easily insert and remove the size you are currently using try the next size up.

A little discomfort is ok but pain means stop! DON'T try to force a dilator in if it won't go in- the pain certainly won't help and you could actually injure yourself. Go slow- sometimes pausing and deep breathing are all you need to make things a little easier. Don't try to skip a size while dilating, they are graduated sizes for a good reason! And if you are able to get a larger size in but the pain is too great/uncomfortable it just means that your body isn't quite ready for that yet and that you should still use the smaller size down and that's totally fine! Everyone progresses at different speeds.

Use your dilators about 3-4 times a week for 10-15 minutes a dilation session total (not 10-15 minutes per dilator if you are using multiple sizes a session).

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The most important thing is going to be making your exercise routine something that you keep up with every day. My tip for you is to set up daily reminders/alarms on your phone to remind you to do your PT. I personally had one reminder right when I woke up, one for when I got home, and one for before bed. It really helped me stay on track.

That and the app PT Timer- it's an excellent resource for keeping track of exercise times and how you're keeping up with your daily routine. You can enter in your personal PT exercise routine and the timings you need to do. It can be a little tricky to figure out at first but totally worth it!

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Please know that you are not alone and that we are all rooting for you!

These silicone dilators cost $42.99 while these plastic dilators cost $26.29.

I second the suggestion about vaginismus. The way that works is that the vagina muscles involuntarily tense up, making penetration painful or even impossible.

How to work with this is to work on relaxing the vagina muscles. General relaxation is not enough, learning to relax the vagina muscles is an actual skill to learn. General relaxation is also important though. vagina relaxation exercises

It would also be important to work on mental blocks and fears and to make sure that the situation is adjjusted completely so that there is no penetration fear at all anymore and that all measures are taken so that she feels very safe in every way, but mostly safe from vaginal pain, and feels confident it wont hurt. This is a prerequisite before attempting penetration. Whatever she needs to feel safe.

Then there is the speed with which you move. Going from a finger, not being able to take more, and then try a penis, is not logical. If more than a finger wont fit, trying a penis wont fit either. very gradual increase in width is needed. I recommend (if she is comfortable) for her to get a vaginal dilator kit (but first work on the fear and mental aspect and completely safe and fearless environment, her feeling confident it will work, before she tries them. - alone, on herself). Dilators should NOT hurt! If they do, there is first more relaxation and safety needed. Pain will make the situation worse. Going really really slow with no pressure or pain is most important. That she listens to her body and listend to what her body needs. I can highly recommend this dilator set. combined with a high quality silicone lube. The vibrations of this vibrating dilator set can help relax the vagina. I myself also used this kit to get over my vaginismus.

Then there is the lube. Use SILICONE based lube, not waterbased. If she gets hard plastic dilators, not bendable dilators, the hard plastic ones are compatible with silicone lube. That is the most slippery lube and it can make a big difference in pain.

Technique. When entering the penis, (after relaxation excercises, feeling safe, relaxed, dilators worked up to your penis size completely and she is feeling confident about it, her feeling confident it wont hurt, put silicone lube ALL over the penis AND vagina opening and go as slow as you can go, listening to her instructions. if met with any resistance or pain, stop. Relaxation first is most important. Penetration should not hurt. Its important to tell her that "if it hurts at all you will take it out immediately because it is should not be a painful thing." Ask her how you can support her so that she feels very relaxed and safe and confident that it wont hurt.

Bulking up in the gym has nothing to do with it btw.

Now, ive just told you all sorts of things she can do IF its vaginismus, but she might want to visit a doctor, to check if it isnt something like an infection or such that makes it hurt. I myself am not a doctor.

And all that i told you, SHE is the one in charge of IF she wants to try jt, HOW she wants to try it, when, how fast, etc. Thats all up to her. No pressure is very important.

Lastly, its very important to FIRST learn to relax, then work on mental blocks and fears, then to take all measures nessecary to feel 100% safe and confident its not going to hurt, only then trying the dilators, in her own tempo, and only attempt penis penetration if she has already gradually worked up to your penis size and that that is not painful and if she is feeling very confident and relaxed that it wont hurt.

Good luck to you two.

Yes. It differs per person how "broad" an object they can take in (excuse my english, not a native speaker). It is normal that something small can fit and something larger doesnt fit.

I recommend googling excercises and information for vaginismus, especially relaxation excercises for the pelvic floor muscles, like these.

In combination with relaxation excercises you could look for vaginal dilators to slowly relax into letting them inside. Once you relax the muscles, they glide in easily. They are gradually bigger ones, like these.

hey love! this is the one ive used and it’s been rly helpful!! the vibration was super useful for helping my muscles relax

https://www.amazon.com/CalExoticsDr-Berman-Intimate-Basics-Dilator/dp/B00121B0H8

I think a set is worth it. It helped me work my way up and get comfortable with bigger sizes.

This is the one I bought: Dilator Set

Item	Current	Lowest	Reviews
CalExotics Dr. Laura Berman Dilator Set, 4 Lockin…	-	-	4.1/5.0

 

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CalExotics Dr. Laura Berman Dilator Set, 4 Lockin…	-	-	4.1/5.0

 

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I actually read a few places that plastic is better for stretching. I purposely bought plastic. I like my set: CalExotics Dr. Laura Berman... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00121B0H8?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

https://www.amazon.com/CalExoticsDr-Berman-Intimate-Basics-Dilator/dp/B00121B0H8

Of course! I used the Laura Berman plastic set of 4 dilators. They’re available on Amazon! https://www.amazon.com/CalExoticsDr-Berman-Intimate-Basics-Dilator/dp/B00121B0H8

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Laura-Berman-Dilator-Sizes-Purple/dp/B00121B0H8

Dr. Laura Berman Plastic Dilator Set cost like $20 on Amazon.