I heard that idea in William Glasser's book Choice Theory.
I heard that idea in William Glasser's book Choice Theory.
It's a rather tricky topic to wrap your mind around, no doubt about that. I would highly recommend reading Choice Theory by Dr. William Glasser as it goes over this sort of thing in plain English, and can explain it much better than I can in a few paragraphs.
The idea in Choice Theory is that everything we think, feel and do comes down to a choice we made. If you feel bad it's because you chose to feel bad. We do this because it's what everybody else does and so we learn to do it too. But you can choose to make a different choice.
There's an idea in choice theory called total behavior. Basically, it says that every behavior can be broken down into four parts:
-acting (the movements of your body, ex. running)
-thinking (the thoughts in your head, ex. blaming yourself)
-feeling (the emotion you're experiencing, ex. feeling bad)
-physiology (heart rate, blood pressure, etc.)
Each part of total behavior can influence every other part. If you're running (the acting component) then your heart rate will go up (the physiology component). If you're thinking about your romantic partner (the thinking component) then you'll be happy (the feeling component).
So in your case, the acting and physiology components don't seem important. What you're thinking and feeling is the main issue. So what it sounds like you're saying is that when someone criticizes you, your response is to feel bad. That's totally understandable, but obviously not ideal.
So if you want to change how you're feeling in that situation in the future then change how you're thinking. Our thoughts have a tendency to follow our feelings, so if you're feeling bad your mind will come up with legitimate things to feel bad about and it becomes a cycle.
But the next time you're in a situation where someone is blaming you for something that's not your fault just focus on what you're thinking about. If it's genuinely not your fault it should be easy to think to yourself that you have nothing to feel bad about since it's not your fault.
If you're still feeling bad, and it may take some practice, just imagine what you could have done differently. This might help you realize that there's nothing you could have done differently because it wasn't your fault.
https://www.amazon.com/Choice-Theory-Psychology-Personal-Freedom/dp/0060930144
I wont tell you what depression is or is not, I would encourage you to make up your own mind. This book has helped me do just that.