> We know the older he gets, the more seriously a court will take his opinion, so it worries us.
Not sure if you like to read "advice" books but I'm reading this one and it has been great so far. Really helpful for how to deal with this exact situation.
>i'm super bummed about the coffee though because I'm a total coffee addict :(
They do have starbucks which is decent (although I'm not a huge fan of starbucks here it was like heaven there!) But seriously if you need it I would bring the starbucks insta coffee (or another brand)! Also the beer is awful! But the food more than makes up for it!
This is such a tough situation, and kudos to you for doing everything you can to strengthen your relationship with your daughter. I completely believe that this pandemic has made co-parenting arrangements so much more difficult and has taken a huge psychological toll on a lot of kids.
I don't know if this will work in your case, but I find that my 13-year-old daughter is most comfortable talking with me in situations where there's something else we're doing. For instance, going for a drive or walk somewhere. I think it helps her not feel so much on the spot. I've had some great conversations with her in the car especially.
It sounds like part of your struggle is even getting the time with her. I know how heartbreaking it is to feel like your kid is slipping away from you, despite your best efforts. Keep doing your best to make contact. Over time, kids often recognize what's going on with parental alienation and see it for what it is. Also, this book might be of some help (I wouldn't describe the person I co-parent with as "toxic" but there is some good advice in it about parental alienation): https://www.amazon.com/Co-parenting-Toxic-Ex-Ex-Spouse-Against/dp/1608829588
Best of luck!