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Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life?
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Women like context. Women have more responsive desire, meaning more than just a visual cue. If you like women or are a woman, pleaseeeeee read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. She describes this and backs it up with research.
You didn’t specifically ask for advice, so take this or leave this, as I recognize this is unsolicited.
You’ve already done so much work to recognize the issue and the root cause. Now you get to pursue a solution, should you choose. You absolutely can have the sex life you want, and you can learn what you want and how to communicate it and how to experience pleasure without guilt. It’s not your fault that you’re where you are, not in the slightest, and only you get to decide what the future holds.
I had issues of my own, different but similar. I went to a sex therapist (an ExMormon one at that), and in the first session, the first thing she told me was, “The reasons you are here are good. The desires you have are good.” cue all the feels Now, my sex life is fulfilling and guilt-free. If you have the means, I can’t recommend sex therapy enough. Whether or not you’re in a highly populated Mormon area, you can meet with an ExMormon sex therapist specifically in person or online.
If you don’t have the means, because therapy is expensive!!!!!!!!, the book Come As You Are is an incredible one.
I haven’t had this exact issue but agree with the comments that PIV shouldn’t hurt. Sometimes lack of lubricant or position or force can make it uncomfortable (and that can be corrected, if needed) but for me, if it hurts, I stop.
Also second all the suggestions to read up in fake doms and red flags.
While a good Dom will look after you and earn your trust/consent, one key to being a good partner (vanilla or bdsm) is basic knowledge of yourself. Until you’re able to get to a doctor, it may be helpful to do some reading on vagina ownership 😎. One book I saw suggested here (that I just checked out of the library on Libby) is “Come as You Arelink” by Emily Nagoski. Good luck 😘
Trying reading Come As You Are. It was instrumental in getting me out of a similar place.
Come As You Are is a worthy read. But, on the whole you are 10 weeks PP and the spin that you are the bad guy in this scenario is some major gaslighting nonsense.
It might be a bit jarring to open like that, but it’s an important issue to discuss. One book which might be helpful is Come As You Are which is a book by a Sex researcher. It’s written a little simple, but it’s got some good info there that might help your discussions be a little bit more fruitful
Honestly, I don't think this had anything to do with you. These all sound like "him" problems. I would listen to your GYN. We don't have enough information on your relationship to make a lot of judgements but he kind of sounds like an asshole. I think he had sensation problems, period. Maybe he used to "death grip" and is now just used to that no matter what he does. But the major red flag here to me, is him comparing you to other girls and their vaginas. That's just a total asshole move to me. If he wanted to have sex with other girls, he could have. But he was with you. Not other girls. What was the point of saying those things, other than to make you feel bad?? I know its hard to feel good about yourself after he told you all these things but I don't think you have the problem here.
I would put the focus on loving yourself and accepting yourself the way you are. I would recommend reading something like Come as You Are. It really helped me think about myself and sex in a better frame of mind.
Check out a book called “Come as You Are” by Dr. Nagoski — she really gets to the bare bones of women’s sexuality! I not only recommend it as a Lesbian, but as a woman, period. Good luck, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with such an intense and frustrating hurdle. Pretty sure this book will help you out!
Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_846ZC7HM7TD8T036GXVD
Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_FJXGV5S20P687E0WD2HM
My wife and I are in that culture (or one like it) and we recommend this book to those getting married around us.
Read this: Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_0WP9DGNQQ7Z217TZ8G1Z
It tells you everything you need to know about your anatomy, physiology, arousal, and how to be good at and enjoy sex.
> How on earth do you orgasm during penetration?
Keep in mind, majority of women do not orgasm from penetration alone. Most women are orgasmic only during stimulation of the clitoris. So you are not alone. If you want to orgasm while he is inside you, you will need to use something to stimulate your clitoris (like a vibrator).
> its difficult to get him involved in that because our sex literally has no foreplay?? How do I get him interested in vagina because I literally have to ask him to touch it and that feels so awkward and makes me insecure that he doesn't automatically want to finger bang tf out of me.
You need to have a conversation with him. Perhaps there's other foreplay that can help instead of touching your vulva or inserting fingers into your vagina. For example, do you like your nipples or breasts touched/rubbed? Neck kisses? Dirty talking? etc. Find out what works for you and make it fun. Sex is not supposed to just be all about his pleasure.
> is a good way to have a quick but all the time is leaving me feeling like ummmm is this what sex is?
Nope. Sex is for both of you, so if only he's getting off, you're getting jipped.
Some reading if you're up for it: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316/ref=pd\_lpo\_1?pd\_rd\_i=1982165316&psc=1
The book seems to be about far more than comfortable sex positions, but positions are definitely a good topic about which we should all be educated. If I had time, I would totally write a book on sex positions for expectant couples 😁 The Amazon reviews seem to be pretty dichotomous. Also, it seems like the book is geared toward sex, not masturbation... (?)
The article is inspired by Emily Nagoski's book, "Come as you are". I am sure you will also find it insightful.
Get out of your head. Relax. Read/watch something stimulating. Enjoy yourself by yourself.
Also this book is absolutely fantastic called Come as you are...
Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_BMPD2D558E3PYC65K7E2
I cannot suggest "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski highly enough.
It is possible to be extremely turned on and not be wet, you are not an anomaly or in need of therapy. You may also need more time to feel sexual, him skipping for play may not work with how your brain and body process arousal. While it could be physical, some people need more time to get their “motor” running and it’s important for you both to pay attention to your states of arousal. You should both grab a copy of Come as You Are and it will help you both feel more comfortable and understanding. It’s probably one of the most popular books when it comes to sexual health.
On a lighter note there is absolutely nothing unusual about using lube. Just make sure you purchase a high quality lube that is safe for your body, I recommend Sliquid.
Buy her this book: Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_H52Y190XVTM78R6G3RCA
It doesn’t sound like she’s in touch with her sensuality and sexuality. Extreme religion causes a lot of deep shame about sexual exploration or embracing hedonistic pleasure from sex, and this book starts to talk about sex (for women specifically) from a very scientific point of view, before opening up to how women view sex differently than men.
It’s extremeeeeeely hyped in my circle of girlfriends (I’m a woman); 2 friends have told me separately that it’s completely changed their perception of how they viewed sex (and they weren’t even religious or sexually stifled).
Honestly, for me, meds and mindfulness meditation made a sudden dramatic difference in how “into” sex I was and how physically responsive I was to intimate touch over the course of one weekend. Just being able to focus on what different parts of my body were feeling at that moment, instead of thinking of random shit like ducks walking across a street (real life example) or the other items on my to do list, made a huge and sudden improvement.
The second issue I faced was anxiety. I was very in my head about whether I was “into” the experience or not. General anxiety is one of the things that presses on my arousal “breaks”, so it doesn’t matter how hard I or my partner are trying to press on the “gas”; if the brakes are on, it doesn’t matter. The book “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski was a real eye-opener for me. And, legal marijuana in my state helps me set my anxiety aside when it’s extra high.
Book: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316/ref=nodl_
1) it’s normal 2) it’s ok to not be ok with it, but 3) it’s also ok for her to take as long as she needs
Good news is that there are absolutely things you can be doing to get back on track sooner. Read this book like yesterday
Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_NGEB2X7ZADRRYQZD1WG3
Lots of great advice here, and I entirely agree that talking and having open and honest communication is the best way to go.
I would also recommend reading the book "Come as you are" https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316.
I found it to be a fantastic resource for learning about desire, arousal, and intimacy.
Is it possible that you're looking at an older version on Amazon? I was looking at purchasing Come As You Are just now & it appears to be in stock.
Consider purchasing the book "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski for her. I think it could be helpful if she's receptive. https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_u_apa_glt_fabc_2W5KTTBS55HFZQS1RFTH
BLUF: Arousal non-concordance is a common experience of genital arousal (erection, lubrication, etc.) in situations which are sexually relevant but not enjoyed or desired by the person. (Can also be the opposite: genitals remain physiologically relaxed while the rest of the person is emotionally, spiritually, or otherwise sexually aroused/experiencing sexual pleasure).
Idk if arousal non-concordance applies to your experience OP, but your post reminded me of attributions that people inside and outside their own bodies assign to their own or other people's genital arousal.
Dr. Emily Nagoski destroys the misconception that physiological arousal = desire/pleasure/consent in her book Come As You Are (written about people with vulvas, but with myriad insight for every*body*). It's a liberating read.
Here's a quote from an article on Dame " The truth is, a lot of people experience a significant mismatch between their physical arousal and their subjective arousal. This phenomena is called arousal non-concordance. It’s when you’re feeling really turned on but you’re not getting wet or hard. It’s also when your genitals respond to something but you find yourself thinking, “wait, I’m not into this.” "
This book man be very helpful to you.
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_i_P9A5A4JS1QNJ8W2TC1XV
This book is very informative, and I think may help you feel much more comfortable about your bits.
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_i_P9A5A4JS1QNJ8W2TC1XV
On an unrelated subject, before you get sexually active, I would recommend you to read two books to understand women's sexuality.
- Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski (2nd edition, released in 2021 - my personal favourite): https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=come+as+you+are+by+emily+nagoski%2C+ph.d&qid=1669156104&sprefix=come+as+y%2Caps%2C88&sr=8-1
- She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner (this subreddit's favourite sex education book): https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260/ref=sr_1_1?crid=23ELYRMOMKQ2A&keywords=she+comes+first&qid=1669156122&sprefix=she+comes+first%2Caps%2C76&sr=8-1
The rumour that you will automatically please women due to your size is a myth. In fact, my boyfriend is about your size and most women I cannot take his size easily. If you read my posting history on this subreddit, you will see that the reason why I enjoy sex with him is mostly due to the emotional connection that we have.
Moreover, in terms of condoms, the only option available in a pharmacy in the United States will be the Durex XXL (my boyfriend finds the fit a bit awkward) and apparently that MyOne is available in some pharmacies now. Otherwise, you will have to order from MyOne online.
Feel free to ask questions and welcome to BDP!
I recommend reading Come As You Are. It was life changing for me.
I also recommend therapy but if he would be willing to read a book I’d recommend She Comes First for him.
You are important. You deserve to have the sexual experience you want.
The pressure is off putting. Do you enjoy sex? Do you enjoy being with him? Then just go into it looking to enjoy an experience. No expectations.
Try reading this. https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316
To answer your question about sex, I am 5 feet 6 inches (168 centimetres) tall and my boyfriend is 6 feet 2 inches (188 centimetres) tall. We are doing great in the bedroom department.
If I can make some book recommendation for you to read before your wedding night, Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski (Amazon India link: https://www.amazon.in/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=come+as+you+are+emily+nagoski&qid=1663623063&sprefix=come+as+you+are+%2Caps%2C163&sr=8-1 ) . This is the book that is recommended to newcomers on r/DeadBedrooms to improve their sex life, and I would make it a mandatory step in pre-marriage counselling.
She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner is a crowd-favourite on r/bigdickproblems for guys to learn how to do foreplay properly. When a guy complains that his girlfriend cannot take his dick and mentions that he is doing 5 minutes of foreplay, the comments section essentially say to implement the recommendations in this book and then come back on BDP if they still have issues. Amazon India link: https://www.amazon.in/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=she+comes+first&qid=1663623154&sprefix=she+comes+first%2Caps%2C191&sr=8-3
The key is to (1) admit that neither of you knows what they are doing, (2) be willing to learn and explore and (3) communicate your likes and dislikes.
Good luck!
Let me help you out here.
I am 31 and have had a terrible getting to the point where I can orgasm. It’s an ongoing journey for me and still very frustrating at times. Most partners make the issue even more stressful because most of the men I’ve been with take my lack or orgasm personally. It adds a lot more pressure and that makes everything worse.
I highly recommend reading “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski.
I had my first orgasm with an e-stim (electro stimulating) vibrator. This is the one I purchased. I can’t find a link to their website at the moment. Sorry about that. The vibrator stimulates your kegel muscles that contract when you orgasm. It’s great.
The other product I recommend is getting an air suction sex toy. These vibrators are fantastic. Read the about page to understand how it works. It’ll help if you have a very sensitive clit.
For me having an orgasm is 90% psychological. I need to be turned on and be 100% comfortable and relaxed and excited. You can’t put pressure on yourself. And the biggest thing is to let go of expectations.
I wish you luck. Hope all that helps.
In my marriage, I (36F) and my spouse (35M) are the reverse of this, minus the children. Sex is the last thing on his priority list, and his libido is very low. I, on the other hand, have a very high libido and daydream/think about sex pretty much every day. It has been a challenging part of our marriage.
We have had several sit-down conversations. I expressed to him that when he married me, he married all of me: not just my personality/mind, not just my spirit, but also my body, and that being unified together in sex, and pleasuring each other through sex, is very important to me. He has tried to make an effort to increase the frequency and quality of sex. To be honest, things are... well, they're a lot better than five years ago, but they're still not quite where I want to be. We have discussed going to a marriage counselor who specialized in sexuality. He told me to schedule it as soon as I want. I have been dragging my feet... Besides the fact that the counselor is very expensive, I do feel awkward talking about sexuality with a stranger, and I have the added baggage that I was sexually abused across six years of my childhood.
Those things aside... my therapist recommended to me the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, and it is very good. There is a workbook for it, too. S*he has a series of worksheets on her web site, too.* She explains that women (and men) have sexual inhibitors and excitors. Think of inhibitors as the brakes, things that tell you woah woah woah now is not the time for sex. The excitors are cues in your environment that make your body/mind want sex. Those cues vary by person based on your own past experiences, e.g. certain smells, sights, etc.
Reading about these, and discussing them with my husband, has helped us quite a bit to understand ourselves and each other. For me, my excitors are through the roof, but my inhibitors can be very high, especially during sex (e.g. certain phrase, etc., because, you know, I have triggers from being abused as a child). For my husband, the excitors are just not there. It's like he shut down his sexuality as a teen. He squashed it. There's a bit about an experiment related to this in the book... They put a mouse in this special little leather vest (adorbs) and sprayed like lemon spray, and then put him with the female mouse in heat, and they mated. Later on down the road, anytime they put the leather vest on him or sprayed lemon, he was like oooo boy it's sexy time? let's goooo! For this other mouse, though, they put him in the cage with a mouse in heat, but before he could mate with her, they took him away. They did this repeatedly. Then something curious happened. His urge to mate just pretty much vanished. There were no cues. This is like my husband. Visual things do not turn him on, e.g. lingerie, naked, porn. Scents do not turn him on. And so forth. He insists that I am beautiful and he is attracted to me. It's just as if his sexuality is turned off. We have, however, started to discover some of his excitors, which I am not going to share... privacy ;)
So, as for your wife, it could be that there are too many inhibitors (e.g. stress b/c schedule/kids/etc, tired, sore, etc.) or too few excitors (her brain isn't wired to be turned on easily or often based on her past experiences). I'm trying to explain this shorthand. The book obviously does far, far better than me.
Here is a link to the worksheets about it: https://www.emilynagoski.com/come-as-you-are-worksheets
And here is the book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316/
It's worth noting that early in my marriage (I'm in year 9 now), when I was extremely upset/stressed about my sex life in my marriage, I had looked at a number of books. One of those books also talked about a principle called the LDP & the HDP. The Low Desire Partner and the High Desire Partner. It taught me that in every relationship, inevitably one person wants sex more than the other person. Person A might want it 3x a week but person B wants it once a week, or Person A might want it every day, but person B wants it 3x a week, and so on. Person A might want it once a month but Person B wants it once every 3 months. There is no right or wrong about how often a couple has sex. It comes down to their preferences. Inevitably, the LDP controls the sex life, even though they don't actually want to and it often makes them feel bad. They're not usually trying to make you miserable. (If they are withholding sex to punish you, then that's a red flag and shows that they are struggling with a lack of assertiveness skills and resorting to passive aggressiveness.)
As for my spouse and me, we're still working things out, as I said. Sex is more often but still not as much as I'd like. I did find a very good sex toy and use it often, and that in itself took a lot of pressure off of my spouse/marriage. That lowered pressure also made my spouse feel less anxious, which in turn led to more sex. (Anxiety / feeling pressured will often crush sexual urges.) I try to keep a balanced perspective. He loves me, and I love him, and we do a lot for each other. We revisit sexuality regularly, and progress is being made, and that's what counts.
I will say, too, that there are other factors that could be at work. Maybe sex has become painful for your wife in some way (an inhibitor) as her body changed over time, or maybe she feels self-conscious about her body image (another inhibitor). Maybe she wants different types of play but feels nervous to talk about it (another inhibitor). Maybe she's afraid about the kids overhearing (another inhibitor). Maybe she's afraid of another pregnancy/child... It could be any number of things, but I think if you understand the basics about inhibitors and excitors, it's a good starting point for a conversation. You could even buy and read the book yourself to learn about it. It's fascinating AF tbh. Like, I didn't know that the seam down the ball sack is what would have become vaginal lips if the baby had become female instead. The first chapter is about anatomy and it just blew my mind. I also didn't know that the clitoris reaches so deep into a woman's body in a two-pronged fork shape.
I know this rambled a bit, but I hope that some of these resources / knowledge are able to help you in your marriage. Most of all, please, please do sit down with your wife to have a heart-to-heart and make it clear that this is an important matter to you and that you want to work towards a solution that you can both agree on. She's not a mind reader and neither are you, and you're a team, and together you can find ways to make it work. My therapist taught me that in a marriage, you are either moving closer together or further apart in any given moment. You are never static. Move close together, come together as a team, to grow and learn together. Cheers o/
As you might’ve expected, one of the answers is going to therapy. Trauma is a complicated, confusing, mess of an experience that takes some real intentional effort to process. Your heart is in the right place and you’re giving some things which could prove to be helpful in the future with some of the exposure, but there’s probably some work to do before the exposure but happens. By trying to just force yourself to do it despite the signals your body is giving you that it doesn’t feel safe, it’s probably just going to end up retraumatizing yourself because it’s so similar to your experience in the trauma.
https://www.thisamericanlife.org/682/ten-sessions this is an episode of a podcast about one of the types of trauma therapies that records parts of the session, and has great info about PTSD itself. This can give you an idea about what this style of therapy is like, to help you consider trying to get help.
Another popular recommendation I usually see is https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316 come as you are, a book about some science on sex. One of the more helpful bits might be information about arousal nonconcordance. https://www.nylon.com/what-is-arousal-nonconcordance/amp taking a wild guess here, but I’d imagine one of the reasons it’s hard to reach orgasm is due their being baggage from the perpetration of the trauma. It’s things like this that make it so valuable to work through these beliefs that can be so confusing where working with a therapist who operates from a trauma modality would be the most helpful for you.
I recommend you read come as you are together. Good luck!
Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_A583AJJ3RH0DK8CJQ36K
I had the same issue and it's getting better through pelvic floor therapy and dilator use. Yea for sure dump him - he sounds awful - there are professionals who will take you seriously. Also this book helped me a lot https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316 - first penetration pain isn't crazy, and many women don't cum from it anyway, so it's absolutely worth getting that checked out
He needs hella education, and you need to set down some serious changes in expectations here.
This is not and cannot be about his ego. He needs to learn more, and you need to stand up for yourself too.
Do some research together. Read some articles about sex. Read Come As You Are together.
PIV does not and has never gotten the majority of women off. Men who think otherwise have been horribly misinformed. Sit him down outside of sexy time and say so, clearly and confidently. Make it clear that he needs to put the effort in to understand that the orgasm gap is a very real world effect of systemic sexism and lack of sex education.
This book has helped my wife and I.
Bookcome as you are is very relevant for this discussion
if you are interested, check out the book 'come as you are' by emily nagoski. she will assure you that you are, in fact, completely normal. :)
I would highly recommend this book for you: Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_ZBE51RVGTSYNEFMRVWG1
Good luck my dude
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Read this book.
Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_QQCEN5EWY5BSV7QZH15Z
Please please please check out this book. Trust me. I'd recommend it to anyone, but I think it could have some great info for you even in the first chapter.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_FVX724SFFJJHYFJB1A37
i'm still learning how to do this myself, but i'll share what i know.
learning yourself sexually is the more straightforward of the categories. you love yourself sexually by making love to yourself-- not just masturbating to scratch an itch, but fucking yourself because you deserve the wonders of sex. you can also love yourself by celebrating your sexuality: the soft and pliable nature of your body which is able to expand and contract as you go through the phases of your life; the subtle (an not-so subtle) curves gracing your chest, lips, hips, ass and vulva; and embracing all the wonderful things your pussy can do and does for you: bring you pleasure, make life, and make you a splendid human being.
to learn more about your sexuality, i would recommend reading 'Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life' by Dr. Emily Nagoski. she offers the comprehensive sexual education that none of us got in school. to learn how to properly masturbate, i would recommend 'Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving' by Dr. Betty Dodson. in this age of atrocious sexual misinformation and pornified sex tailored to the male experience, Dr. Dodson's work is just as necessary as it was 25 years ago.
loving yourself mentally-- i feel-- is embracing your magnificent human mind and respecting its strengths and weaknesses. you have the power to solve complex puzzles, but also fall into dangerous habits. to love yourself mentally is to know that you are capable of amazing feats, but accept that you are still mortal and as such, you have mortal failings-- like a negativity/calamity bias that makes you hate your flaws with ardor. there is much literature and science about the human mind, but this youtube channel is more palatable to the casual learner. you're better person than you know.
loving yourself physically can tie into loving yourself sexually, but loving your body is more general. to love myself physically, i eat well, exercise, perform beauty and hygiene routines on the daily, and dress to suit my body and sense of fashion. i figured out which colors suit my skin tone best with this outstanding book 'Color Me Beautiful: Discover Your Natural Beauty Through the Colors That Make You Look Great and Feel Fabulous' by Carole Jackson, and learned how to accentuate my physical figure with Bradley Bayou's 'The Science of Sexy'. these books are a short read, and you could get through both in an hour, but you'll be referencing them for the rest of your life.
loving yourself emotionally is the hardest, because from a young age, our emotions are ridiculed (ArE YoU oN yOuR pErIoD??????????), oppressed (YoU'Re So EmOTiOnAl), and taught to be shameful (how many times have you held back tears and berated yourself for wanting to cry?). i'm at loss for how to deal with this topic, but i do know that in order to love myself emotionally, i must respect and cherish my feelings, both the good and the bad, and honor that my feelings don't stem from nothing. a person's feelings tells them if something is right or if something's wrong well before their mental thought processes can rationalize the situation. good luck on loving yourself emotionally, because this is a puzzle i've been trying to solve for awhile now. :\
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