I just finished reading a great little book on conscience which does a great job of examining how we can determine what convictions are negotiable and which ones are not.
It is called "Conscience: What It Is, How to Train It, and Loving Those Who Differ" -- Amazon link -- and I really appreciated the healthy look at how we all deal with this and all fall on different parts of the legalism spectrum on different issues and how we are constantly changing.
I have certainly had my share of struggles with legalism and I too find the toughest part to be knowing how to make decisions when it impacts others (children especially). Is that stuff you listed legalistic? Sure, but it may be the right thing for you to do. It's an issue of wisdom driven by love, not a question of law.