If this is something you are wrestling with and pondering, and if you like C.S. Lewis, may I recommend a book written by a man he called, "my master," George MacDonald? Unspoken Sermons is the name of the book. Here it is published as a daily devotional called Consuming Fire, but you can get it in other editions too (probably Mackey's contemporary English version is the best).
Anyway, MacDonald isn't the only, or even the best, resource for the question you've been wrestling with (I can recommend other books if you'd like), but having such an influence on Lewis he is certainly worth reading, and, he says some things in his book that are absolutely and literally breathtaking.