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Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness, Updated 2021 Edition?
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not for real though, if you don't want to talk to someone then I fully support not talking to them
> I have some autistic-like personality traits and I get a lot of stress when I don’t know how to broach conversation with a customer
Think about it this way, there isn't any need to stress if you pretend you aren't serving them at the bar. What would you say to someone you just met?
As starters:
- How is your day going/How are you today? Such a simple way to engage but also see if they are actually wanting to reply. Curt answers and stiff body language mean you can wrap up and move on, "well nice to meet you, I'm xxxx, if you need anything let me know okay?" If they do want to talk ...
- Listen to the small tidbits within their responses and ask questions on those tidbits: names, places, activities, jobs, travel, weather, anything.
- Bring up things around you or that are going on and phrase those as a question: "How about this weather?" "Man can you believe xxxx team lost last weekend?" "That xxxx you're wearing is awesome, where did you get it?" None of these need to be about you, it's just to prod them into talking about them.
Remember that most of the talkers at the bar just come to have someone LISTEN. As a bartender you only have to encourage them to start talking, then give feedback and questions until they get going. If at ANY time you aren't comfortable or need to stop use the, "check on an item in the back," or, "I'll be back I need to take care of those customers."
If you want better tips or how-tos, a good starter book is:
Conversationally Speaking - like an introduction into small talk
OR
How To Speak, How To Listen - a deeper and more in-depth book on small talk
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