Dude, I'm cognitive behavioral theory, I totally believe thoughts affect actions. I'm only defining them this way based on the totality of the Sue & Sue textbook. Stereotypical thoughts need to be addressed because they often lead to racist actions.
Sure, and some thoughts are also automatic thoughts and/or subconscious. Like I struggle with the stupid Jew jokes from South Park. I accidentally saw some of those episodes in hospital waiting rooms and I hate them, but they pop into my head (automatic thoughts) at inopportune moments. But I actively neutralize them because consciously I know they are wrong (even if they were originally intended as jokes, etc.).
The first step towards not being racist is to know yourself and your limitations.
I hate Jew jokes and I hate South Park. But it's like some advertisement like the Liberty Mutual commercials: if someone brings up liberty, that stupid jingle plays in my head.
That doesn't mean I'm racist. It means I'm human ... just like everyone else.
It's not enough to simply think back over one's life and come to a conclusion that one is not racist. To be truly appreciative of diversity (i.e. not racist) takes conscious effort. It's a 24/7, life long thing. It takes intentionality.
For a better explanation, see the Sue & Sue book:
Hi!
No need to apologize. I'm not part of the community that gets upset because they think it is "white privilege" for a non-POC to ask a POC to help educate them on their experience and what it means to be in their shoes. We POC know it better than anybody else, and it should come from us. I think it is awesome that you're seeking the information and that you have the courage to challenge yourself.
Here are some helpful readings:
Counseling the Culturally Diverse: https://www.amazon.com/Counseling-Culturally-Diverse-Theory-Practice/dp/111908430X/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0
Racial Microaggressions: http://www.apa.org/monitor/2009/02/microaggression.aspx
Critical Race Theory: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/William_Tate/publication/279676094_Toward_a_Critical_Race_Theory_of_Education/links/569803e908aea2d74375dba0/Toward-a-Critical-Race-Theory-of-Education.pdf
Pedagogy of the Oppressed: https://www.amazon.com/Pedagogy-Oppressed-Anniversary-Paulo-Freire/dp/0826412769/ref=sr_1_10
Race, Gender, and the Politics of Skintone: https://www.amazon.com/Race-Gender-Politics-Skin-Tone/dp/0415946085
The Model Minority Myth: https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/04/19/524571669/model-minority-myth-again-used-as-a-racial-wedge-between-asians-and-blacks
Here's the secret about working with various cultures: Ask, ask, ask... and never assume you are "competent". It helps to build that rapport when you simply admit that you're ignorant about someone's culture, and ask if they would be comfortable explaining their experience and/or their perceptions to you. All you have to do is listen and validate them. When you understand Systems Theory, and you can look at the structures of inequity in our society, much which are centered on institutional racism, you won't have trouble validating someone's experiences.
Please let me know if you desire more resources. I think the above will keep you engaged for quite a while.