This sounds sooooo familiar!!! Somebody, maybe on this sub?? Recommended me a book called Courage to Cure Codependency (9.99 for kindle version) and it's really helped me finally understand some of the relationship dynamics I create but was totally unaware of, or aware but in a different way. HIGHLY recommend. Not too long of a read, maybe a few hrs. Do it next time you're about to do some other unproductive thing for 4 hrs :p link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1730889999/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_lpmsFbAEJQ42Z