>I have no expectation of her being a good girl, I just wish she would,
Bingo! That's why she's running - I called her a Good Girl and you didn't even deny that you see her that way.
Is she not even a full-grown adult with the right to make her own life choices to you? WTH is that about?
>she just recently asked to see the kids for a dinner and they have been reluctant
Once again I ask, do you have a visitation plan? Have you explained to your kids that if they don't see her, as planned, that can get you in trouble with the court because it's a court order?
Do they even KNOW that you and she are not in charge of this? THE COURT is in charge of it?
If they don't know this, EXPLAIN IT TO THEM. Stop trying to run everything. Let the courts run it!
I'm not even going to respond to the rest of your post. You're looking for people to join up with you to KILL THE WITCH.
I don't believe in witch hunts for people who are still trying to see their kids. I know that divorce is hell. People want to see their kids, they don't want the marriage anymore, but they miss their old lives and they don't know how to fix the PAIN.
I've not read this book, have heard many others love it, but it sounds like you need to order two copies STAT. I like the title.
https://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Time-Surviving-Divorce-Building/dp/0060923091
You want us to say your ex-wife is crazy? She is. So are you. And you'll both drive the kids to insanity too if you don't get help.
GO TO COUNSELING.