Good for you! It makes my stomach turn when women tell other women that they are being shallow for wanting to date someone they are sexually attracted to and not "giving the nice guy" a chance. No man in the history of the world has told a buddy to do that.
It's not petty to require chemistry and a sense of humor and the ability to plan a date that doesn't involve pizza.
I literally just posted this in another thread. The book talks about online dating but the process she designed for deciding on and fine tuning your standards is real world/real life and then she tells you how to break old with it.
Data, A Love Story: How I Cracked the Online Dating Code to Meet My Match https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008BM0NLA/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_WDWWGA1GT28C3TD543X4
Here is the deal: As humans, we want choice. We think we want all of the choices and then we see 34 kinds of jam at the grocery store, and realize you don't need 34 kinds of jam. And it will take you years to go through 34 different jams. So how do you find your favorite jam?
Standards.
*Seeds stick in my teeth *I don't like lumps. Prefer very smooth texture *Allergic to strawberries *Tried grape before and didn't like it *Don't like fruit blends--just one fruit at a time *Apricots are too tangy *I want something high in antioxidants
So I'm looking for a seedless jelly of a single sweet fruit, with blueberry meeting all of my criteria.
I'm left with blueberry jelly as my best option and seedless raspberry or blackberry jelly as my second best.
Now that I know that I want blueberry jelly, I can try every different brand and not waste any time or effort on things I won't like.
Don't go on a date unless a potential partner meets your baseline criteria. Don't talk to only one person at a time. You're not exclusive until you both agree to be exclusive.
You only need the one.
PS: This book, Data: A Love Story, is about how a woman designed her criteria and cracked the code on online dating. She found her husband within a couple months. However, the criteria/decision tree she designed is exactly what you need for real life, too.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008BM0NLA/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_WDWWGA1GT28C3TD543X4
I hadn't read that one, thank you for forwarding it. My favorite Manson article is Fuck Yes or No, although the largest inspiration for my dating habits is Data, a Love Story. The author of that book has done at least two TED talks, and I prefer this one.
To find or create a group or club about a topic like 20s singles or web programmers or movie buffs, go to www.meetup.com
To learn about the ideal dating profile and how to create it read Data: A Love Story. But don't try to replicate her research. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008BM0NLA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_0KR0XGC8DJ0A4P2N7NV3
The hands down best book on making friends is excellent and not as jaded as the title sounds. How to Win Friends and Influence People. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004U7G81O/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_PSC3B9V0F1WQA325GTKY
For your dating anxiety: Attached. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0049H9AVU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_TK72C8EXDS7HZ5Y91RRQ
Anything and everything by Brene Brown is essential. Start with her TED Talk. https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o
Bonus resource: How to design your life to achieve your dreams. Http://www.designingyour.life
healthy relationships are built on healthy foundations. the rejection isn't the issue, it is abandonment that is the issue. if you tried again it would take you a ton of effort just to get back to where you were when you abandoned the fledgling relationship.
this does sound like one of common symptoms of a "bad picker", have you looked at using a system to better target and rate perspective partners rather than use your gut?
i suggest a book https://www.amazon.com/Data-Love-Story-Cracked-Online-ebook/dp/B008BM0NLA its a fun read though a bit outdated. basically a woman with a bad picker trying to find her dude. as a guy i found the book hilarious and thought provoking mostly from the insight into the female perspective on online dating