What is Reddit's opinion of Divorce Poison New and Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing?

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My ex-wife did the same thing and my current wife got me this book and it helped.

Divorce Poison New and Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing

Yeah there are a lot of ways she can hurt the kids without "hurting" the kids. After my divorce I read this book and my ex-wife was a classic case. She did everything in her power to make the kids hate me and blame me. It took years to mend the damage she did in a few weeks.

Divorce Poison - https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Poison-New-Updated-Bad-mouthing/dp/0061863262

Divorce poison helped me

Divorce Poison New and Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061863262/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_M409D4R8C8ZBJMBSZ4K9

I love parallel parenting for these situations. My DH has parallel parented with my SD8's BM (who also has diagnosed BPD) for a long time now. After about a year of enforcing it, things improved SUBSTANTIALLY. Once she got it through her head that he wasn't playing along with her games anymore, she stopped getting her drama fix from it and pretty much stopped.

However, keep in mind that coparenting with a person who suffers from BPD will almost always ramp up during stressful times (like a custody battle!), so I wouldn't recommend making any drastic changes until a few months after the order is in place just to make sure things won't settle down. They probably won't, but it's worth trying. It's also very important that the judge sees that he has tried his damndest to coparent in case she drags him in later complaining about his parallel parenting.

I'd also recommend this book: Divorce Poison. Even though they weren't married, it covers a lot of things he may have to deal with as their child gets older.

And lastly, he's going to need to be a master of BIFF responses since he has years ahead of him of dealing with a HC person.

Good luck!

Of course, here it is Divorce Poison

Taken from a post on the superb Karen Woodhall site. Dont give up , understand what is happening and arm yourself to turn the situation around. Divorce poison by Warshank is a must read , dont think about it - buy it off amazon, its invaluable. https://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2014/10/25/i-am-the-alienator/

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Divorce-Poison-New-Updated-Edition/dp/0061863262

I do have people pleasing tendencies. I was that way with my mother (after growing up "not good enough"), my ex-husband(for being "not good enough"), and now with BM/MIL. It's funny because I am a no-nonsense type of person with so many other people/events in my life. I have a handwritten paper on my fridge that says "Allow myself to person to life my life, and create my own unique story." It's helped a lot. I'm "distant" with my mom (I'm not sure if that's the correct term), in the sense that we usually see each other once a week, with the kids, but I don't disclose much (if any) personal information to her. The more she knows, the less powerful I feel. It works for me, and I'm grateful that after 34 years, I'm OK with our relationship.

The ex-hubs is a very similar relationship (I joke that I married my mother). I was young and he's 10 years older, so it was a bit of a parent/child relationship in a way. The good times were good, the bad times were awful. We're friendly nowadays, which is helpful whereas the kids are concerned. However, when we see each other, he frequently hits me up personal information, and believe it or not, it's still a tinsy bit of a challenge to withhold. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't. I'm doing much better with that-thank goodness. I'm happier, and I know my DH is happier, too.

I am working hard on ALLOWING MYSELF to feel happy and respected. That's the key for me, allowing myself to live my life the way that I want to live it. I deserve it. It's not easy, and man, it takes a hell of a lot of time.

Looking back at things, I can see why I fell into that trap with BM and MIL, merely because it was warm and familiar. I was involved in people pleasing and controlling types of relationships with two very important people in my life for such a long time. I think I could juxtapose those 4 relationships together and find many similarities. I feel like I am struggling with BM, MIL, and SD relationships with such a different intensity. Maybe because they are newer? Does that make any sense? I really need to work on that. I briefly looked at Divorce Poison last night, and I think I'm going to pick it up today. I'm going to add Stepmonster to my cart, too. I honestly did not anticipate how hard being a stepmom would be. Having other children, I assumed it would be like that. Boy, I was wrong!

Thank you so very much for your honesty, compassion, and most importantly, your honesty :)

I'm hopeful that things will improve over time. DH and I have work to do, and I know that he and I are ready for a change. Would you mind if I kept in touch?

Have a good weekend, and many thanks :)

Check out this book Divorce Poison New and Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing.