I know you’re joking but in case anyone is traveling, these things are awesome. It was super useful and I felt pretty secure when walking around the touristy areas. I attached it to my belt and kept it on the inside of my pants. Had my ID and a larger amount of money.
I also kept a few euros in cash in my pockets just in case I did get robbed, they wouldn’t know I had the important stuff in the secret pocket.
Not bulky. Large enough to even hold a German passport.
This isn’t a Miami thing or a music festival thing, so don’t let it discourage you from doing the things you love. This happens everywhere, in every city. People get their shit stolen wherever there are large groups of people... in tourists cities like Miami, Rome, New York, Paris... and it happens at sporting events, theme parks, concerts, bars on random Friday nights, etc. Its just a fact of life, something people in the world just suck
Just be vigilant. Be aware of high risk area and carry things in something like a belt loop wallet that can be tucked inside your pants, or a flip belt if you’re not wearing a belt.
Some in a hidden pocket inside trousers, some in a zippered money belt.
But I can come up with the link, for the lazy :)