{"product":{"product_id":"0060928972","title":"Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You","price":"13.99","image_url":"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41chZe7DaxL._SL500_.jpg","url":"https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060928972"},"comments":[{"body":"Relevant book: [Emotional Blackmail](https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972) by Susan Forward. She coined the term \"FOG\", Fear, Obligation, and Guilt,  the tools of the emotional blackmailer.\r\n\r\nVery many people use emotional blackmail to abuse the people in their lives. It's very normalized across the globe. It's sickening.","subreddit_name":"TwoXChromosomes","author":"acfox13"},{"body":"It’s called Emotional Blackmail. Time to jump off that merry go round and put you first. My therapist recommended this book. \r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/\r\n\r\nYou are not responsible for the actions of another human being. You can only control yourself. He is using and abusing you and it needs to stop.","subreddit_name":"relationship_advice","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"NTA \r\n\r\nPassword protect all vendors for your wedding so she can’t change things. She has vendors call you, just say NO. Then do yourself a favor and read a book my therapist recommended.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/\r\n\r\nYou weren’t being cruel, your fed up and frustrated! She doesn’t get to make your wedding hers and all about her.","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"NTA \r\n\r\nYou realize she basically wants to replace or substitute the entire meal. I guarantee if she was invited to her father’s supervisors house she wouldn’t be pulling this. She’s trying to emotionally blackmail you into insulting your own family and starting a fight using the “if you cared” you would do it. Think about all the times she’s said something like that and take a hard look at this relationship.\r\n\r\nDo yourself a favor, read this over the holidays.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"What your seeing in some of the comments is what your seeing with your friends. You sound very level headed and you have to be tough if your working toward your nursing degree. (I lived with my sister when she was getting hers.) The new thing is age gap equals inequality. It doesn’t have to but a lot of people think that it does. I know a couple that has been married 30 years and have a 10 year age gap. At the beginning of their marriage she decided she wanted college so he decided it should be a goal for them as a couple to make it happen. Their entire marriage has been a partnership and they are still very much in love. I know many others like them. \r\n\r\nA relationship is what you make it. Have healthy boundaries, a good sense of self worth and your own goals and dreams. As for your friends, you need healthy boundaries there too. Make it clear to them that you are still an independent person with your own goals involved in a healthy relationship. The fact that the only thing they can see wrong is an 8 year age difference says a lot. They’re saying they don’t respect you enough to make healthy choices in your own life for yourself. They are actually belittling you and your judgment without having any evidence of a real problem. They are now choosing to use emotional blackmail to try and make you end your relationship. The ones being toxic and controlling are your friends. Please point that out to them.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/\r\n\r\nYou may want to read that. Good luck","subreddit_name":"relationship_advice","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"NTA \r\n\r\nThey are ridiculous. \r\n\r\n**You’ve saved them at least $100,000 over the past 4 years and now they want you to pay them!**\r\n\r\nPlease go back and read that statement. They’re using the fact that you can’t have children to blackmail you emotionally and financially. Your just too close to see it. This really isn’t fair to your husband either. I can’t imagine being him and watching the woman I love suffer with a sudden loss and grief only to have her family’s entitlement rip her to pieces. \r\n\r\nIt’s time they started being financially responsible for their own children, including child care. They have to grow up and be full time parents. It’s past time. My therapist recommended a book you would benefit from.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/\r\n\r\nYou also might want to get a book on boundaries and consider therapy. I am so sorry for your loss. Your allowed time to grieve and heal at your own pace. That means your brother has to grow up and handle his own life and family without dumping it all on you.","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"NTA \r\n\r\nWhen it’s all said and done he didn’t just leave you, he left his twins. He chose his two grown daughters over the babies he helped bring into this world. It doesn’t matter if they had his health insurance, they didn’t have him. Their father left them for their mother to take care of all alone because they weren’t his priority either! \r\n\r\nEven if you could forget and forgive his leaving you, which I do NOT recommend. This man left his 1 year old twins to give in to the demands of his 2 grown daughters. He abandoned his babies. There is no way to trust him ever again. Those Kelly and Amy are master manipulators and will try anything to get you to give in now that their mother is gone. Frankly they wouldn’t give a damn if you died tomorrow but they want the twins. You know it’s true. Build yourself a good support system that in no way involves Dan and his family. Get a good therapist to help you with all this. My therapist recommended a book I think you would benefit from.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/\r\n\r\nI wish you well. You’ve been through hell and you and your children deserve better.","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"NTA \r\n\r\nYou and your husband need to do some reading over the weekend.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/\r\n\r\nYou are pregnant with twins and your not having an easy pregnancy. Your responsibility is to keep you and the babies as healthy and as stress free as possible. That should also be your husband’s goal.\r\n\r\n**You are not responsible for anything but the lives your carrying.**\r\n\r\nA and B are responsible for their marriage, children and dogs. If their marriage fails it’s because they failed! It has nothing to do with you. She needs a break from him, the kids and the dogs then she can go get a hotel room for a weekend. It’s not your problem. Let them call their parents. Not you! Right now they are emotional leeches and with your pregnancy you can’t take it.","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"NTA \r\n\r\nMy therapist recommended a book and I’ve already recommended it 3 times today. What she’s doing is called Emotional Blackmail and manipulation. You can’t keep letting her do this to control you or your life will be miserable.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"NTA \r\n\r\nShe’s only going to you because your an easy target. It’s called Emotional Blackmail and it’s ridiculous. She won’t go after the others because she knows better and knows they would likely report her and she would be reprimanded or fired. This is so unethical it’s not funny. If you give in this time it will never step and only keep escalating.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/\r\n\r\nMy therapist recommended that book and I suggest you read it and a book on Boundaries. If you start off your career letting someone walk all over you it will never end. Don’t start down that path. Pick up the computer and take it home. If you think she will give you an issue getting to your car ask someone to carry it for you or come with you. She most likely won’t pull this in front of others.","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"NTA \r\n\r\nMy therapist recommended this to me and I’m returning the favor. This is not you, don’t let her try her games.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/\r\n\r\nThat book will help, gift it to yourself.","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"What is he doing to your self-esteem. You must be exhausted with all this and a child. Try a little reading.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/?_encoding=UTF8\u0026amp;pd_rd_w=4fUuH\u0026amp;pf_rd_p=5fe95cd4-8512-42fa-bf21-63d83b898785\u0026amp;pf_rd_r=0BN43ZDT78K96TGV408T\u0026amp;pd_rd_r=e4f1fa50-213a-4d8f-9840-b8813a50c738\u0026amp;pd_rd_wg=nO3c3\u0026amp;ref_=pd_gw_ci_mcx_mr_hp_atf_m","subreddit_name":"TwoXChromosomes","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"What do you mean no money and no house? The first consult with the lawyer is usually free. You have the kids and a 1 year old. He leaves. Get the lawyer consult and see where you are. (Tell no one about seeing the lawyer, no one!) Start seeing a therapist, dealing with those two you need it. After the lawyer when your feeling a bit better you give him an ultimatum. He grows up and is a husband you deserve or get out.\r\n\r\nMy therapist recommended this book\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/?_encoding=UTF8\u0026amp;pd_rd_w=9gZAl\u0026amp;pf_rd_p=5fe95cd4-8512-42fa-bf21-63d83b898785\u0026amp;pf_rd_r=V8GRDGM8Q8F3Z05H4HWZ\u0026amp;pd_rd_r=fc539a7a-da5a-4564-a528-8c07eed28c8f\u0026amp;pd_rd_wg=pvyX3\u0026amp;ref_=pd_gw_ci_mcx_mr_hp_atf_m","subreddit_name":"relationship_advice","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"I had friends that they started dating when she was 16 and he was 18. They got married 3 days after her 18th birthday. They were together until she was killed a month before her 50th birthday. They had 2 daughters and went through their share of ups and downs. He traveled for work a lot. Sometimes she would see him for a weekend or 2 a month to do his laundry. She never cheated. He was the only boy she ever dated. The only man she was ever with. No one needs to see what else is out there because they were only with one person. It’s an excuse for her bad behavior.\r\n\r\nYour friends should have given her a week to tell you then told you themselves. You can’t trust them, you can’t trust her, for some people there is no getting over this. Cheating is bad enough, lying about it for a year and a half. That pretty much kills everything. Honestly I think it’s time to just see a lawyer. Call it a day and walk away before she winds up pregnant. Then you have to do DNA tests.\r\n\r\nAs for dealing with the just get over it and it’s not that bad and I love you so much. I highly recommend a book my therapist told me to get. Good luck.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2RFARA4G4KM9P\u0026amp;keywords=emotional+blackmail+by+susan+forward\u0026amp;qid=1649708339\u0026amp;sprefix=Emotional+bl%2Caps%2C305\u0026amp;sr=8-1","subreddit_name":"relationship_advice","author":"MaryAnne0601"},{"body":"No, this is absolutely not you. You are not responsible for the actions of another human being. \r\n\r\nIf she calls you again saying she self harmed, hang up and call 911 and tell them exactly what she said she did to herself and give them her location. If she’s actually doing these things she needs to be Baker Act’d for her own well-being. \r\n\r\nYou did not create this, you are not forcing it to continue and you **can NOT stop this**. Even if you returned to her it not only wouldn’t stop but she would escalate any time you said no or she wanted to force you to do something.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/?_encoding=UTF8\u0026amp;pd_rd_w=iVtnO\u0026amp;pf_rd_p=5fe95cd4-8512-42fa-bf21-63d83b898785\u0026amp;pf_rd_r=XYSX0BQ1QNBH25J9C32G\u0026amp;pd_rd_r=bb9e3b59-23dd-4159-b6f5-facc7918168a\u0026amp;pd_rd_wg=XvccT\u0026amp;ref_=pd_gw_ci_mcx_mr_hp_atf_m\r\n\r\nRead that book. What she is doing is called Emotional Blackmail. My therapist recommended it. Don’t give in or this will get much worse.\r\n\r\nRemember she calls she’s hurting herself. Call 911 and report it.","subreddit_name":"relationship_advice","author":"MaryAnne0601"}]}