It’s called Emotional Blackmail and you need to not give in to it. My therapist recommended this
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate-ebook/dp/B07DHLCKY1/
Stop talking to her Mom. Get out of there for your own mental health and well-being. The next time she threatens suicide call the police as she’s a danger to herself. But get out of there, it’s over.
NTA
Wow that kid has her father snowed. It’s called Emotional Blackmail and at 14 she’s an expert and he’s an idiot because it will only get worse as she gets older. My therapist recommended the book Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward, you might want to get it and send a copy to your husband.
NTA
Oh honey he’s on his way out and he wants to drain you dry before he goes. He’s using Emotional Blackmail to try and make you think you should want to do this for your family and so things can be better. Just NO. My therapist recommended a book and to deal with him you need it.
Sign nothing but divorce papers! Stay strong.
Look you can’t honestly let them move in your life would become a nightmare. Your brother doesn’t care about money when he’s using someone else’s. Your SIL would start dictating how everyone should act because she’s living there. My therapist recommended this book, I suggest you read it and loan it to your Mom.
NTA
My therapist recommended this book and I’ve been putting up on here a lot lately. Turn off your phone and read it. Your father chose to have more children, you don’t have children. They’re not your responsibility. If he vetted and actually hired a babysitter he wouldn’t constantly have this problem. Instead he chooses to use his older children and I do mean USE.
NTA
I read your comments. My advice, read this book then break up with her. This isn’t a healthy relationship.
Your getting abused but when you retaliate then you put yourself in the position of going to jail! What happens to your daughter if you go to jail for domestic violence? What if CPS steps in due to a domestic violence arrest. If you can’t leave for yourself then end it for her. She is 4 years old. She deserves to have loving people in her life. Your gf is NOT it! Anytime your in a relationship that has become so toxic you can land in the hospital or dead you have to leave it. It will not get better, it won’t go back to what it was, it’s just going to get worse! She’s playing you like a fiddle and your getting sucked right in. Stop the insanity. My therapist had me read this and I highly recommend it. Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward
Hire a lawyer and read this book:
Now I do understand about your culture but there is something you have to consider. With her behavior she will never kill herself. It is however possible that she would try and truly harm you and your mother or worse. The judgments of others isn’t worth your life or your families. End it.
My therapist recommended this book to me and I advise you to read it. This will help you with your brother and your mother!
NTA
Your ex is manipulating everyone including your daughter
Your ex told your daughter that the 2nd husband divorced her because she was infertile. Yet somehow this ex husband wound up getting everything in the divorce? 🚩🚩 No judge awards the husband everything and cleans her out for being infertile. You need to go to court about custody, have your lawyer look at the divorce and find out the real reason, not the line she’s feeding your daughter for pity.
Everyone saying have her move in are straight up nuts. Even with a rental agreement once she’s in there she could not pay anything and it could take you a year of battling and courts to legally evict her. The damage being done to your daughter in that time would be unbelievable.
Take your daughter to therapy and do joint sessions and explain to her that you can’t be responsible for her mother and that as a grown up and the parent she has to be responsible for herself. This is a part of being a grown up. She wanted to divorce you. Later she married someone else and that relationship failed. As the adult that made that decision she has to deal with it. It’s not healthy for you to bail her out and it wouldn’t be healthy with your histories for the two of you to live together. Part of being an adult is making sure you take care of your own mental well-being. As a parent you have to take care of yourself and her and that has to be your priority. This is what it mean to be an adult, making the hard decisions.
My therapist recommended a book Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward, get it this won’t be easy. Get the lawyer working on custody and pull your ex’s recent divorce records to find out the truth. Good Luck
Here's a thought. Watch these arguments with your bf's family and take mental notes (if you haven't already). They're doing it right. Yes, you can talk through disagreements respectfully and with love, and when you see one of these for the first time, it's kind of a revelation. Your mom's family has been doing it way, way wrong.
Also: When you felt like an AH when you set boundaries? It is always going to feel like that, every time. But you are doing the right thing. People who love each other don't threaten their children or call them b*tches. You have every right to choose who you talk to -- not your mother.
Do pick up a copy of this book. I read this about 20 years ago after having gone through a very bad relationship in which I was told everything was my fault. Reading this was a complete eye-opener for me. The relationship I was in was based on emotional blackmail. When I was in the relationship, I was saying the exact same things you were. I hope this helps. By the way, you are NTA, NTA, NTA. I'm very glad you have a bf with a decent family who can show you what respect truly is. I hope this helps.
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate-ebook/dp/B07DHLCKY1