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Emotional survival for law enforcement: A guide for officers and their families?
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Get used to weird shifts, holidays, sense of humor. Be there for him when he comes home and has seen some fucked up shit. Understand that he may want to talk about it or he may not want to. Make sure he understands that people insulting him or being rude to him is not to him personally but to the position of authority so he should try not to take it personally and let it continue to bother him.
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403
$20 and about one weekend of reading. It will help you even if you think you’re coping just fine. Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement should be issued on day 1 in the academy
Here is a book you should check out. It was originally written for law enforcement but the info is pertinent to firefighters. It will help you understand what she is going through and give you some ideas on how to handle it.
Emotional survival for law enforcement: A guide for officers and their families https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0971725403/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_0RGM10PJB7DAYMW8GQHD
I was a firefighter for 24 years. Received a medical retirement for PTSD. Hopefully, her department has peer support for days like this.
Also, the responses by the others here are pretty spot on.
It will forever change your life. That's for sure. Most people lose touch with friends (either due to the schedule or that they don't "get it"). Old hobbies start to die out, usually because of the schedule. You have to make a concerted effort to hold on to that stuff.
Pick up a copy of Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement. It's not too expensive and is an easy read. It'll go over some of the issues officers face. Read it and if it still sounds fun, come on in!
It's important your partner understands the nature of shift work and what you do. My husband is a police sergeant, so he knows the environment but in the past I had issues in relationships with less tha understanding partner. It's difficult. I also encourage you read Emotional Survival for law Enforcement (https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403) it's for family members too, and doesn't just apply to sworn.
> I tell this to everyone… don’t make the job define who you are....
Those entire last few paragraphs ring true. I recommend for anyone in this field who might search and come across this later(and have been recommended by several others, both instructors and friends in the field) Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement: A Guide for Officers and Their Families by Kevin Gilmartin.
It has a lot of similar points to this about "don't let the job take over your life" and to take care of yourself.
Ex soldiers and first responders are normally at higher risk of perpetrating domestic violence world wide, which is tied to what they experience at work, and they also have more PTSD than the average person, which is a factor in the domestic violence, as is excessive drinking, which is normally a part of the PTSD.
It’s recognised in most police forces world wide, and books like Emotional Survival in Law Enforcement are suggested reading, but no one is forcing anyone to take what it says on board.
I will say, in near 25 years of policing, I think I’ve only directly known about a half dozen perpetrators - as in cops I know were responsible for DV. I also investigated and charged cops for DV in my time, so I know there is a lot of unreported stuff as well.
There need to be a rethink how forces deal with continual exposure to traumatic incidents, at the moment, you watch someone kill themselves in front of you, the chaplain might come (normally not), and you get an email saying use EAP if you feel affected.
Just to chime in quickly… firefighters deal with similar things as cops, but I would recommend the book Emotional survival
It will help you identify specific trauma and issues pertaining to law enforcement. https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403
Not to go too negative, but it could be a million things…. PTSD, infidelity, wants to be single, etc. Here’s a good place to start: Emotional survival for law enforcement: A guide for officers and their families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971725403/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_5RE0KRAJ5XQS408H4V8F
As a fellow 911 Dispatcher, keep your head in the game and develop a process to deal with the eventual trauma/crisis you will face.
I found this book really helpful in understanding how we physically deal with stress of this nature and how its effects amplify psychologically if not properly processed.
"Emotional survival for law enforcement" https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971725403/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_yZZ7Fb6T6HJE4
Something I always tell new people that I'm training. Everyone even if they've been doing this job for twenty years feels that pit in the bottom of their stomach and the adrenaline rush when they are dealing with a critical emergency. It doesn't go away, but you learn how to control and manage your mental and physical response so you can better handle what's going on. Don't ever feel bad about feeling that way. After an incident I may go step outside for a few minutes, walk it off and let the adrenaline work itself out of my system. It would be unnatural if you didn't have that response.
Emotional survival for law enforcement: A guide for officers and their families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971725403/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_gdJ6Cb2V38NHD
Read this (and have him read it): Emotional survival for law enforcement: A guide for officers and their families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971725403/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabt1_F6lUFb0AZ6BP6
Read this and have your spouse read it as well. It wont fix everything, but itll help and is a starting point.
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403
$20 on Amazon. This book will save relationships and maybe your life.
Emotional survival for law enforcement: A guide for officers and their families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971725403/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabt1_KBZQFb21838K7
Ex-wife of a cop here. Do yourself a favor and read this book. https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403
Take it very seriously. I was given the book when my ex-husband first got out of the academy and scoffed, "That will never be us." BOY. I read it again 5 years later and it was like they were peering through our windows: His head on a swivel 24/7, him hating everyone, shutting down when he got home playing videogames and being impossible to reach. It comes from being so hyper-aware all shift long and having to decompress when off shift. The night shift was also very hard as we totally lost touch. REALLY think hard about what you want out of this relationship NOW and discuss it together. The job killed my marriage. We were together for 22 years and lasted only 8 years into his LEO career. If you stay, be very mindful of these risks and keep the lines of communication open, AND KEEP RE-READING THE BOOK.
All of the above, though I prefer scotch. Also this:
If you read any books, it should be Emotional Support For Law Enforcement, and Verbal Judo, I've attached links for both on Amazon, Verbal Judo is a great book on communication and individuals think it's some "Jedi Mind Trick" book for dealing with people in law enforcement, it's not, it's all about effective communication, and the author even talks about how if he learned this stuff sooner, that he could have saved his marriage.
I say good on you for reaching out, and wanting to be supportive of your husband, not a lot of people are that lucky that work in corrections.
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403
Read the Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement.. So much good stuff covered in there.
Read this & have him read it:
Emotional survival for law enforcement: A guide for officers and their families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971725403/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_0TZQ1ZV76GNABFX1SNGA
Simultaneously, I recommend you buy and both read: Emotional survival for law enforcement: A guide for officers and their families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971725403/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabt1_rfDRFbH5CRSKA
Here is a good book my wife and I are reading that is extremely helpful for the emotional side of preparation.
Stay in the gym. Work out 4-6 days a week, depending on what you can handle. A good rule of thumb that has helped me dominate any physical fitness tests is to find out what is required and then aim for 20% higher. Simulate the fitness exams as much as possible with someone timing you.
If your department uses an obstacle course, you might be able to go run it a few times to get familiar with it. If you can't make it out that far (I flew cross country for my physical), find out what the obstacle course is like and try to mimic the exercises needed. I wasn't able to run the course before my exam, but I knew that there were 5 flights of steps, a 6 foot wall and a good amount of running, so I ran the stairs at the art museum in Philly, jumped over a 6 ft. wall at my park and ran a shit ton.
Speaking of running, try to get up to running 3 straight miles a day at around an 8:30 pace. It's a good benchmark that will help you when you get to the academy.
Learn a lot about your body and what it can take, how it recovers and proper form when working out. You need to be prepared to be physically strained during the academy.
For academics, get good grades, study hard, and don't get caught up in illegal stuff. Cut off friends who might reflect poorly on you because chances are your background investigator will talk to them.
Volunteer if you can. Anywhere is good, but places that are 'servant minded' are great. Do some ride alongs with your local PD. Help with some community projects around town or at a local church.
Get a job and hold it. Be an upstanding employee. Look at the job as a tool for building good professional references. Go above and beyond, come early, leave late, and give them every reason to give you a shining reference.
Look up some training material online. Sgt. Godoy has some excellent courses regarding the hiring process that helped me greatly. With around $100 you can get courses explaining every aspect of the hiring process. It particularly helped me with the polygraph and oral board.
Earn Your Badge also has some good training material, although I would be warned that it trains you to speak officer jargon, which can be frowned upon in an entry level oral board.
Be honest at every step of the process. Own up and take responsibility for the stupid shit you did in the past. If you get caught lying you're done.
Become a humble person. Read whatever it takes to do that.
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Good luck!
Just search it on Amazon.. Should be there.
Edit: here's the link on Canadian Amazon:
https://www.amazon.ca/Emotional-Survival-Law-Enforcement-Officers/dp/0971725403
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