Not op, but I read Everything You Wanted to Know About Trans (But Were too Afraid to Ask). It does a very good job of laying the groundwork for the history of the community, the psychology behind being trans, and the nitty gritty of transitioning.
Hey! I've been stalking this post since yesterday because I wanted to see how it went.
I want you to know your situation doesn't sound totally dire. Don't get your hopes up TOO much, of course, but understand that the two of you are going to go through a lot in this journey.
I highly, highly recommend you get not only an individual therapist, but a couples counselor as well. My wife and I are using the same person for both, since she can understand what I'm going through and help us navigate that together.
My wife was hesitant at first about me transitioning, but as she's seen me transition she's realized more and more that I'm the same person, except happier. And she loves me more than ever. So it's working for us.
But, as others have said, also remember that there isn't a "cure" for being trans because it's not a disease. Some people choose to ignore it or suppress it, but that's not a fun way to live your life.
In the meantime, talk a LOT. Help her understand what you're going through. Listen a LOT as well. Hear what she's saying and feeling and experiencing. Be ready to argue. It's gonna happen. But be kind. Remember to show your love for her.
I also bought this book off Amazon to help people in my life understand what I'm going through. (I bought several copies and gave them out) Something like that could help as well.
Additionally, check out /r/mypartneristrans and see if that's a helpful resource. I know people on there can be really negative at times, so you have to sift through that a little. But I've also heard people say it's really good at other times.
Good luck!
I think anyone with questions should start with this book to avoid repetition. Beyond that, r/asktransgender is helpful for learning with a greater than surface-level understanding.
You know you don't want to harm yourself, correct? That's exactly why trans people transition. Living as a cis person hurts them. Sometimes to the point of death. The know they're right because it's leads to greater happiness and, subsequently better health.
If you're curious the dig deeper, I recommend reading Everything You Wanted to Know About Trans (But Were Too Afraid to Ask) for a deeper dive on the trans experience.
I came out to my dad as a 40 year old transgender woman as well. He immediately excepted me but then unfortunately turned to the church for information. It took a minute to D program what the Catholics told him. I found this book to give him and he felt that it was very helpful to understand what I was going through.
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Trans (But Were Afraid to Ask)
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Trans (But Were Afraid to Ask) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1785928260/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_6HNQCZ963SRQJ46NJQ5F
I have not read it yet myself, but some other people have recommended Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Trans.
I think Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Trans is often recommended as an introduction to what trans is being like for cis people.
I haven't read it myself but some people have been recommending Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Trans (But Were Afraid to Ask).
Someone recently recommended the book Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Trans (But Were Afraid to Ask) as a good introduction.
This one is good, and pretty comprehensive: https://www.amazon.com/Everything-Wanted-about-Trans-Afraid/dp/1785928260
Somewhat lengthy, but with how it’s organized they wouldn’t need to read the whole thing cover to cover.
If you’re looking for something more narrative, this was great but may read as too flip for your parents: https://www.amazon.com/Something-That-May-Shock-Discredit/dp/1982105216
Good luck!
That's great! Finding a gender-affirming therapist is a step many kids are missing, so I think you're definitely on the right track.
My own mother worked really hard to understand gender dysphoria for me when I came out as an adult, it took her months but she never stopped supporting me and I knew she was learning, just like how I was learning too and that was the most important thing for me.
She found the book "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Trans (But Were Afraid to Ask)" by Brynn Tannehill to be really helpful. I checked it out a bit myself and thought it was good and informative and non-exclusionary (some ideas about transness try to determine the "correct" way to be trans, which doesn't exist except for what a person needs and wants for themselves, so if you see things like that it's probably NOT a good source).
Each trans person can experience transness so differently that it can be hard to find specific experiences we relate to at first, unsure of what any given experience might mean or the forms our dysphoria or euphoria takes. That said, I found a number of moments here in Super Late Bloomer: My Early Days in Transition although it was written for someone my age rather than a child. Still, it may be useful.
If you want a more philosophical overview of transness and the issues trans people (women in particular) face, I strongly recommend Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity by Julia Serano. It's academic (and therefore fairly dense) and LOTS has changed since it was written, but it contains a lot of important historical and semantic context that I think is still very relevant today in lots of ways and is interesting in any case.
I hope your child is able to find what they need to gain peace with their body! It sounds like you are already working hard to create a safe, supportive space for this part of their life. Also, one thing my relatives worried about when I first came out is that I would somehow be a different person. I'm still the same person, I'm just not depressed all the time, I'm engaged and active and I got a lot of my brain power back somehow and I can't stop learning and doing, basically all of the time.
So, I'm still me and my relatives see that, but they also see that I'm happy again, like I was when I was a small child. So in case you worry about it, your child is still who they've always been, they'll grow of course and become a wonderful adult someday but whatever they need help with is going to simply help them become more of who they are and to be that person more brightly and confidently.
In the most literal sense, one's a woman and one's a man. All butch cis women are attracted to women, but not all trans men are attracted to men. All butch cis women like to present masc, but not all trans men like to present masc. Pretty much the only guaranteed thing they have in common is being AFAB.
I think Jammidodger and this book could be very helpful for understanding trans perspectives.
I'm not trans so can't offer much perspective in this area but this book should answer your question.
I recommend Everything you ever wanted to know about Trans*. Anyone can write an article or make a video, few people can write a well-cited book and edited book.