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Expecting Better by Emily Oster offers some good perspective on what “they” tell you to avoid vs. real risks to your pregnancy.
Personally, listeria is something I didn’t want to risk. Unlike run-of-the-mill food poisoning, listeria can pose a risk to the fetus. I chose to avoid raw milk products, cold smoked foods, and certain raw fruits and vegetables unless I knew they were washed.
Another vote for Expecting Better, as the author looks at the actual scientific evidence behind most common pregnancy do's and don'ts.
For example, she says there's no problem with sushi / a moderate amount of caffeine.
Read this. There's a lot of misinformation and over-hyped risk for pregnant women. Everything is a risk, but you're more likely to get hit by a car than get listeria, for example, and you're more likely to get listeria from vegetables and fruit than deli meat. Women in Japan still eat sushi when pregnant, and women in Europe still have a glass of wine. You can decide for yourself what kind of risks you want to take. (Personally, I ate a ton of sushi when I was pregnant and gave no fucks.)
We are too insanely strict on pregnant women. She's perfectly fine sampling beer in her 3rd trimester. Honestly, she's fine having a whole one every now and then. This author's research claims "Light drinking is fine (up to two glasses of wine a week in the first trimester and up to a glass a day in the second and third trimesters)"
I think you are probably good with parmesan! Its a hard cheese - usually its more the soft unpasteurized cheeses that could potentially contain listeria that you have to watch out for (ex: queso fresco). The book 'Expecting Better' is really good about breaking down some of these pregnancy 'rules' and giving an explanation on where the statistics come from and what to really be on the look out for. But of course do whatever you are most comfortable with! For any foods you want to avoid, you could always say you are on a diet? Or just don't want to eat that dish tonight.
I recommend you to read this book. The author challenged all the recommendations given to pregnant women and this an analysis of the scientific papers behind the decision. Sometimes, recommendations are based on studies done like 40 years ago with different technology. It will give you a much better idea of what you can and can't. Her goal is to explain you the risks and let you decide. 2 persons can read this book and have different conclusions.
Your results may vary, but my doctor said it’s fine, and actually preferable to doing your hair yourself because a salon likely has better ventilation than a small bathroom at home. Expecting Better has a good section on it as well.
Does anyone have advice about cutting back on caffeine? I was never a coffee drinker until the pandemic. Now I drink ~2 big cups per day and wake up with a headache if I don't start drinking it fast enough 😬 I've tried switching to black tea and even going cold turkey, but the withdrawal headache is awful and I normally cave before lunchtime.
Updated wisdom says it's fine to continue drinking moderate amounts of coffee during TTC and pregnancy, but in my situation I think it's time to cut back. My nervous system does not do well with it, and overall I think I felt before I became a coffee drinker.
I’ve been reading this book and she has a lot of great information about caffeine! She compares all of these medical studies, gives you the facts and variables to consider, which allows you to make an informed decision that is best for you.
Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong--and What You Really Need to Know https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143125702/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fab_hf3AFbB151BZS
That's a good idea! I think one thing that people don't think about initially is skincare. There's some stuff that's probably in your normal skincare routine that's a no-no in pregnancy. Off the top of my head: retinols/retinoids and (certain levels of) salicylic acid. Everyone's doctor is going to be different in their advice, but those are two big ones that are fairly common in skincare products that are usually under the "avoid this shit" column.
As far as foods go, I was in the camp of "everything in moderation" and "just be sensible." I highly recommend Expecting Better by Emily Oster. She goes over a lot of the big "rules" and the science behind them. I did not avoid foods while I was pregnant. I just made sure I wasn't eating food from places with questionable sanitation and food prep.
And for meds, ask your OB if they have a list of what meds are acceptable. Try to avoid pain meds, but if you take them, take Tylenol (paracetamol/acetaminophen), and don't take a lot. For constipation, certain types of magnesium are good or colace (your future BFF).
Read Emily Osters literature reviews on this: https://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702/ref=nodl_?dplnkId=397cdd4b-6f2b-48e1-b61a-d393e5718cf5
Tl:dr - there’s a tiny positive effect from the presence of any breast milk. There is zero negative effect whatsoever from the presence of formula
I like Emily Oster a lot for her pregnancy-related books (Shot out to Expecting Better for any who are interested).
I think my main takeaway from that book is that everyone's personal risk calculation is different (and I don't mean, if you are 45+ with a heart condition, but literally - how do you look at a situation and decide how much risk you want to take).
With this, COVID gave us a perfect storm of:
Information changed over time, but everyone was too tribal to either change behavior, or adapt behavior when new information was presented. Mistrust was (and is) rampant. And on top of all of this, there are different policies and approaches that may be best for different individuals, communities, states, etc.
It just created an entrenched shit storm that continues to leave lasting wounds today.
Emily Peter compiles and analyzes studies on drinking while pregnant and her conclusions agree with your wife’s doctor.
While at first glance your wife’s response is strange, to me it sounds like a reaction to the attacks on abortion rights which are in actuality an attack on pregnancy care. It’s an anxious time to carry a baby which is still a shockingly dangerous health decision. Maybe name that anxiety as part of your patient appeal of why this is important to you, using a lot of I statements.
You need to read the book Expecting Better, by Emily Oster. She literally goes through every single pregnancy-related study to look at the methodology of how they’re conducted and then discusses the validity of each. You would absolutely love it. I promise – just read the first couple pages, and you will be hooked. (You can probably even read the first few pages on Amazon for free before buying it.)
I read (ok…audio book listened to) “expecting better” early in my pregnancy and I think it really helped. She looks at the data behind a lot of the pregnancy “rules” (including the ones on food!!) and keeps going back to the idea of “know what the data says, then make a decision based on your own personal circumstances.” It’s super empowering. Highly recommend!
Having gone through our first pregnancy not too long ago, I'd recommend both you and your wife giving this book a read.
It's fairly eye-opening, and may change your thoughts on somethings. Or not. But, we both really enjoyed it, and I think it's worth the share either way.
I recommend reading Expecting Better by Emily Oster it is about all of the recommendations during pregnancy, the data, and the studies done on it.
Our genetic counselor read it as well and we had a nice conversation about it!
1 cup pre and 1 cup during pregnancy.
- For things like this, I love the book expecting better
- there’s a correlation that those with nausea experience lower miscarriage rates generally. Those with nausea also probably drink less coffee.
Have him read Expecting Better by Emily Oster! It really helped to see data-driven advice that explains WHY certain rules for pregnancy exist and what the risks are if you choose not to abide by them.
It includes tons of studies, and the author does a great job of explaining how trustworthy they are scientifically and gives final conclusions at the end of each section.
I have never been pregnant and plan to never find myself in that situation. Despite that - I do have one piece of advice. Pregnancy is a time of immense uncertainty and that is very difficult for people like me. I personally like to ask a lot of questions and read a lot before making decisions or forming opinions. (This is probably why I became a professor.) I have had many friends who recommend Emily Oster’s books. She is a health economist and helps to wade through the medical research on various topics in an accessible way. My advice is to think of the things that usually help her process information and uncertainty, and to be really patient. I’m sure some of what she will experience or think will be hard to process or articulate. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143125702/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_5FE564M49CB4DAGE4ZHP
Re: the tired trope of not eating raw fish, soft cheese, etc. during pregnancy, I recommend this book:
Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong--and What You Really Need to Know https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0143125702/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_g6IRFbCP5PY86
Don't be a selfish bitch.
Sure, the husband should keep his drinking light -- he needs to be ready to help with nausea, the associated clean-up, be a go-for if it becomes too hard for her to get up and down. And he needs to get out of any heavy drinking habits before the baby comes, because being drunk around a baby is a very bad idea. But making him abstain completely is just being a dog in the manger.
Also, read Expecting Better, which points out that the "one drink will kill the baby!" hysteria does not have evidence behind it. Heavy and binge drinking are bad; the evidence that the occasional drink will cause fetal alcohol disorder just doesn't exist.
You can always do the amnio, similar or better safety record according to Oster (Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong--and What You Really Need to Know https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143125702/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_E1SLCbS6T06PD).
If you get a bad result at 16w, are there restrictions on your ability to terminate?
I liked this book . If you are scientifically minded and like to know about evidence behind all the pregnancy rules, you might like it as well.
We all felt that way.
Read Expecting Better (check your library if you don't want to buy it). It was one of the few books that was worth the effort.
I totally feel you on those 'what if' feelings and wanting to change how I live just in case... if you haven't yet read this book, you might find some comfort/answers in 'Expecting Better' by Emily Oster. I'm about halfway through the book, and it's really eye-opening to what poses a real risk versus what is misinformation and poorly conducted studies. Not trying to sway you one way or another on drinking alcohol/coffee and such, that's totally your decision, but for me, it's a huge relief to learn the real data about these risks and make my own decisions.
I hope you feel better soon.
Unisom and B6 are very commonly suggested to women during pregnancy for help with nausea. They are used widely and there is zero evidence that they affect the fetus. There are many drugs which are definitely off the table and you should always do your research instead of trusting a random person on the internet - this isn't another Thalidomide.
Something you should check out - Expecting Better. It doesn't cover unisom/B6, but it does cover a lot of the pregnancy related stuff that women are told to avoid (coffee, lunch meat, sushi, alcohol). Its written by an economist who looks into the actual studies done on those taboo foods and also goes into evidence of how different drugs affect childbirth and labor (epidurals and the like).
> You'd think I'd get less pregnant ladies than the other options because lunchmeat
The whole "avoid deli meat" thing isn't true anyway. Source: Expecting Better.
I highly recommend reading Expecting Better, as the author looks at the actual scientific evidence behind most common pregnancy do's and don'ts and helps you make up your own mind about the various risks involved.
Her section about flying includes:
> Unless you travel very frequently you are unlikely to reach even the most conservative limit for radiation exposure. One flight from Chicago to Boston would deliver about 1 percent of the limit. Long-haul international flights are worse: the longest available flight delivers about 15 percent of the limit. This might seem like a lot (if you take more than three round trips from New York to Tokyo you’re over the limit), but it is worth noting that this is less than 1 percent of the level at which there is any actual demonstrated risk of birth defects or miscarriage.
> Consistent with this, at least one study that compared infant outcomes for women who did and did not fly during their pregnancies found no difference in preterm birth, fetal loss, or neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) admission.
> If you fly a lot for work— say, a couple of flights a week— or you are a flight attendant, it is possible that you would reach the 1 mSv radiation limit. In Europe, flight attendants are restricted to more limited routes during pregnancy to avoid this; in the United States there are no legal restrictions, but it may be prudent to limit exposure to some extent. If you are worried about your particular flights, the FAA Web site offers a way to calculate the radiation exposure from every flight, which you can use to calculate your total exposure.
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Have you talked to your doctor about your fertility and genetic concerns? An OB/GYN should be able to provide some information about risk factors that will help you plan out when to start trying.
And because I recommend it to everyone, check out Expecting Better. It breaks down types of risks (age, weight, and other factors) and analyzes the clinical studies that have been done rather than conventional wisdom.
You might find the book "Expecting Better" to be a helpful resource for you. The author basically goes over the research on how risky different behaviors are/the chances of blankety blank thing going wrong, etc.: http://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong--/dp/0143125702/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1436688128&sr=8-1&keywords=expecting+better
And yeah, I would not stress about that coffee.
I don't have personal experience with this but I would highly recommend the book Expecting Better: http://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702
The author goes through pretty much all the major questions I have had about getting pregnant and being pregnant with thorough reviews of the scientific literature and clearly (and with humor) relates the information that we know, don't know, and pros and cons of all those decisions. It's a great book and helped me relax a lot about the decisions I've made for TTC and the ones I know I'll have to make once pregnant and beyond.
I don't think it's a bad idea, I've been gathering info about TTC, pregnancy and birth since I went off BC. I'd recommend the book Expecting Better http://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong--/dp/0143125702/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1436906268&sr=8-1&keywords=expecting+better&pebp=1436906278201&perid=0WK2426M4N2BAF8AFPHG
The author goes through all the pregnancy wives tales etc, and compares to actual science. She also has a whole section on birth plans with no judgment but lots of info about what options you'll have and what decisions you'll want to make before hand. I think having that book as a resource made me less nervous about forgetting important things since all the info is there in one place where I can go and think more once I'm pregnant :)
Generally I think it's best for each of us to feel out what things help aleviate stress and what things increase our stress over TTC, and we're all different. If you find writing lists and plans helps you feel in control, then I'd say go for it. But if you notice it starts to make you sad or frustrated then look at other ways to spend your time that are relaxing, maybe focus on other things in life that you DO have control over and really dominate at that thing.
I can't recommend Emily Oster's Book Expecting Better highly enough! She provides a thoughtful review of current research on topics like alcohol/caffeine/epidurals, etc., and empowers women to make decisions for themselves. I encourage every pregnant woman to give it a read. http://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702
My OB said that listeria is just an odds thing and that according to the CDC the same year soft cheeses had a listeria outbreak there was one in ICE CREAM - and you don't hear a single pregnant woman being denied their precious ice cream haha. So basically the moral of the story is that people latch onto some of these more than others for no particular reason. There have also been recent outbreaks in other foods that pregnant women aren't advised to never touch ever again. All of that to say listeria is very serious and we have to be vigilant but it's also important to educate yourself on what should truly be avoided. I recommend the book Expecting Better by Emily Oster who does a great job outlining what you really should or shouldn't do according to science and data - but makes it crazy easy to understand and you'll feel 1000x better and more comfortable navigating the world as a pregnant person after reading it.
Read Emily Oster's "Expecting Better." Has a lot of information on this topic in it.
I got the okay from my doctor during my first pregnancy. Expecting Better has a good section on it if you’re worried.
Grab Emily Oster's "Expecting Better" and "The Informed Parent" by Haelle and Willingham. The scientific approach that these take is super helpful for me.
I also recommend Emily Oster's other book (soon to be books!!!) that cover early infancy and childhood.
I also find this website really helpful in these early days. It give you your percent chance of miscarriage calibrated specifically to you based on age, number of previous miscarriages, number of live births, and weight.
I found the book Expecting Better to be very useful when I was deciding what do's and don'ts I would adhere to among the insane amount of contradictory information.
The author explains her methodology well, too, and while I didn't agree w/ all of her conclusions (drinking alcohol every day seems like a stupid thing to do, so even if I was a drinker I'd have opted to ignore her science on that one), the info was overall helpful. Now, my husband is super paranoid and I'm not huge on lunch meat to begin with, so I don't make a habit of ordering cold cuts (or I nuke 'em if that's all there is to eat)...but knowing the science and risks, I would personally be okay with the relatively small risk associated with most lunch meats.
I agreed with her (and a lot of you in this thread) about how women are basically told a bunch of seemingly random shit that they need to do and are not given a good explanation for it--even if we follow up on the doc's orders with "But why?"
Additionally I like the website Evidence Based Birth. I recently read about how eating dates from 36 weeks on can help ripen the cervix. I went to that website and found their article on dates, and while the evidence on that isn't super strong, there was enough for me to decide to purchase a bag of dates. :)
Expecting Better by Emily Oster put A LOT of our worries at ease. I highly suggest! I also found Mayo Clinic Guide To A Healthy Pregnancy very helpful- we use this more as a reference guide. We try our best not to google because it just sends us down a scary rabbit hole!
Your friend is right; there’s a great section on it in Expecting Better. But wtf litter box in the kitchen?!
Yep, I think this is what OP is looking for. Expecting Better by Emily Oster.
My doctor said no to both, so I feel like I have to listen to him, but I’m pretty sure there’s a section in Expecting Better about how baths should be okay.
Congrats on your pregnancy!! I just want to second what everyone else has already said- everything will work out! And, I recommend you get Emily Oster's book called expecting better. She has poured over what real data exists from studies on all kinds of risks in pregnancy. It's fantastic. The studies that have found a problem from drinking found that vast majority of issues werw observed only when mom was drinking heavily and doing cocaine regularly. Keep up your new normal and try to do some regulated breathing exercises when you feel overwhelmed :)
Yes, I've read about 10 so far, and it's top of my list along with Emily Oster's "Expecting Better"
I loved Emily Oster's "Expecting Better" (as well as "Crib sheet" and the upcoming "Family Firm") and "The Informed Parent" by Haelle and Willingham.
They are both very science oriented books and I liked that they selves into the why behind things rather than just issuing vague reassurances and warnings.
Expecting Better by Emily Oster
My favourite pregnancy book. Author is an economist and a data-driven person. The book was a huge relief from all the other information I got which was basically a list of things I can’t do because reasons. She read and analysed a variety of studies about the common fears like caffeine, alcohol, epidurals, genetic testing. Then she explains them in the easy to grasp manner and tells you what choices in her pregnancy she made based on this data and suggests you weigh the various risks and decide for yourself. Amazon
First-Time Parent by Lucy Atkins
Realistic, down to earth, practical guide to coping with a first year, from how many onesies and what equipment you might actually need (so much less than I thought, she saved me a lot of money and some sanity), postnatal things, looking after the new baby and why do they look like a potato, and other useful bits from how to change a diaper to how to get back to work (or not). It is UK-based so some information is location specific but most of it can be applied anywhere in the world and is just common sense really. Amazon
Expecting Better & Cribsheet
And if the father’s in the picture, have him read: The Expectant Father
This really helped my husband understand the changes happening with my body and made him much more empathetic to what I was going through during the process.
Try this one too Expecting Better
As a fellow Dad here are the books I found most useful so far for key topics. My son is now 3 and thriving!
Pregnancy: Expecting Better https://smile.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702/
Post Birth: Crib Sheet https://smile.amazon.com/Cribsheet/dp/1788164490/
Sleep Training: Precious Little Sleep https://smile.amazon.com/Precious-Little-Sleep-Complete-Parents-ebook/dp/B08LCPK8M1/
Potty Training: Oh Crap! https://smile.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting/dp/1501122983/
Communication: How to talk so Little Kids will Listen https://smile.amazon.com/Talk-Little-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/B01MYT9C60/
I also have the sequel queued up for when my son gets older
All of these books are backed up by research and real world use. None of them are written proscriptively (Follow these 3 steps and you are guaranteed success) but instead give you a series of tools and strategies that have been proven to work to allow you to build a plan and strategy for success that works for your family.
Congrats mate! Long and exciting road ahead, lots of ups and downs, take it all as it comes.
A few bits of advice that helped me a lot:
The "don't tell anyone until after week 14" advice is wrong.
It's usually because people don't want to get family and friends excited and then have to tell them the sad news if something goes awry. This is valid.
The first trimester of pregnancy is really hard, for both you and your partner. Imagine if you get through the first 10 weeks and then had a miscarriage. If no one knew you were pregnant, it would be really hard to talk to them about what you were going through.
I'd suggest both of you telling a few close friends (or family if they're the supportive type). Partly because it's nice to tell someone and they'll feel special, but also because you and your partner need a support network no matter what happens. Cultivate that now.
Miscarriage Reassuring With Data
This site is awesome and if you're anything like me you'll check it daily. There's a Miscarriage Odds Reassurer where you can put in your partner's age, weight, height etc and it'll give you the odds of having a baby.
I've tried them all, and the best one (by a very wide margin) is Pregnancy+ from Phillips. It's free and it's awesome, and you'll love looking at the 3d model of your baby (and poking it).
You sound like a data sorta guy, you'll probably like Emily Oster's books - Expecting Better (for pregnancy) and Cribsheet (for after birth).
There are heaps of other books, apps, Youtube channels etc, but I found them rather useless. The truth is (especially as the partner) it doesn't really matter if you know every detail of what's going in with your zygote and inside your partner's body on a day-by-day basis. You'll also find that most pregnancy books are geared towards women, and most of the sections for dads are just...useless. E.g. "You may think your partner is just trying to get out of doing chores, but she's actually probably really tired!"
What is useful is if (a) she's comfortable asking for what she needs and relying on you for support, and (b) you're good at listening and responding. The best thing you can both do at the moment is work on this, because over the next 9 months you'll really need these skills.
If you're an over-thinker, you'll try to anticipate your partner's needs, and you'll likely over-function and get burnt out / resentful.
So IMO the best thing you as a dad can work on is yourself. Highly recommend this book: The Seven Principles of a Successful Marriage by John Gottman
That's it, enjoy the ride, try to be present every day and use this experience as a chance to level up your relationship with both yourself and your partner.
Highly recommend this book
Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong--and What You Really Need to Know (The ParentData Series) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143125702/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_9PAJVMYBHKHJF9R6N79T
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You can have coffee. Highly recommend reading Expecting Better by Emily Oster https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143125702/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_WWPSK69GPXF6ZXZM5FPE?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Expecting Better may clear up some concerns about caffeine intake and pregnancy. I am pregnant with #2 (+ rely on caffeine to "medicate" by ADHD because meds aren't an option), have ADHD, and drink a few cups a day. Totally safe!
Haelle and Willingham's
"The Informed Parent"
A lot of the dad pregnancy books are uhh pretty sexist and deeming toward men and parenting. My husband vastly preferred the data driven books I was reading to the "you're going to have to change a diaper once in a while" and "you can't expect sex right after birth" dad books.
So my suggestion is Emily Oster's
Seconding "Expecting Better" Emily Oster is great. She also has a good follow up book "Crib sheet" that covers infancy and toddlerhood. I love her work because she gets down and dirty with the data telling you exactly what the chances are for things rather than just saying "most women" or "a minor risk."
I also recommend "The Informed Parent" by Haelle and Willingham which has a similar scientific approach and I found to be a good supplement to the above.
Join /r/BabyBumps and find your due date month group in their sidebar.
Read Expecting Better for the real science behind a lot of the standard pregnancy "advice".
Expecting Better for pregnancy. Most professionals dislike the common/popular What To Expect When You’re Expecting although for the basics, it’s pretty decent.
For baby care... The Fourth Trimester hands down.
I highly recommend reading Emily Oster's Expecting Better for pregnancy, then Cribsheet for early parenting. She looks at the actual scientific evidence behind everything pregnant women are warned about (and SO much of it is rubbish).
A book. It’s awesome!
I always recommend Expecting Better by Emily Oster
I can tell you the books I liked the best:
As we're moving into the third trimester, I've also been slowly transitioning into more actual parenting books. One of the ones I like the best is one given to me by a friend, Zero to Five, which is very good into breaking down the first five years into easy step by step guides with data. As I mentioned before, Cribsheet is also very good (currently reading it). I also read The Kazdin Method, mainly because it was recommended by a friend with slightly older children, and I loved it, but it was way too early for it.
Have him read this book ASAP
So far, I’ve really liked reading, “Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong--and What You Really Need to Know.”
For the data minded, I recommend Expecting Better: https://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702
You are not crazy at all. I teeter between extreme elation and anxiety. A few things trigger my anxiety about this pregnancy:
Coming on here/internet in general, reading about "awful" labor, various tragedies and losses.
Talking in depth with people about it. "What will you do for childcare, what happens when XYZ, you know they're super expensive right?" People are Debbie Downers. My friend tried to tell me a child costs $1300 a month (no daycare). Yah okay.
Things that help:
Doctor's appointments. I am relieved every time I see her and hear her heart beat.
This book helps to debunk a lot of pregnancy myths.
This chart allows you to see the probability of loss by week. As you progress in time, the odds decrease.
I would recommend the book Expecting Better--she has a chapter in there about CVS/amnio that's very data-driven.
First of all, congrats!
Some links for you:
I feel ya sister! I remember feeling completely lost and not as informed as I'd like to during my entire first trimester (and first pregnancy), and the Internet was full of a lot of crap information. We also weren't comfortable telling our friends/family yet because we were still within the 1st trimester, so couldn't even ask the women who've had kids my questions.
1) Listen to your body! And try not to stress out too much (i know it's hard not to, but really, just let your body do its own thing)
2) Take your prenatal vitamins, if you aren't already right now. And eat healthy meals as much as you can (though don't beat yourself if you have the occasional junk food! :) all in moderation is the key!)
3) AVOID THE MOMMY FORUMS. They are the worst, and full of anecdotal stories that may/may not apply to you. I had some complications during my 1st tri so I tried to research causes, diagnoses and prognoses, and instead came across the mommy forums with rather unsettling stories. DO NOT READ THEM! They aren't helpful in any way, especially when you're trying not to stress out in the first place.
4) Most importantly, realize that if you're taking your prenatal vitamins and are eating healthy, aren't smoking or drinking, and aren't consuming too much caffeine as per the guidines (I.e. No more than 200mg/day), then you're doing all that you can for your baby. Whatever happens, if anything bad happens, will be because of natural causes (i.e. Things completely outside of your control). This was advice a friend gave me later on after I asked her how to stop worrying about miscarriage/losing the baby etc. and I found that it really gave me peace of mind.
5) Lastly, I really recommend reading Emily Oster's Expecting Better (https://www.amazon.ca/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702) I wish I had read that during my 1st trimester. Given the sheer volume of incorrect, anecdotal and contradictory info out there, Oster was great at going through all the studies and weeding out all the crap data that've resulted in ultra conserve guidelines and recommendations for pregnant women. The book is an easy read too since the author writes as if she's having a conversation with you as opposed to those dry/text book style pregnancy books out there :)
6) If you're looking for some good reading material, the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy is a great resource (https://www.amazon.ca/Mayo-Clinic-Guide-Healthy-Pregnancy/dp/1561487171). It's a no-nonsense book that reads like a text book, so you know the content is legit and scientifically based (since it is by the Mayo Clinic!)
Best of luck hun!! And also - congrats!!!
I've heard this one is a good book
I'm also TTC #1 so I can't help with possible pregnancy symptoms, but for BBT, I sometimes have weird spikes here and there, if you had any alcohol or didn't sleep well that can happen. Also make sure you temp before you get out of bed in the morning since even that movement can make your temp change, and it's best to aim for the same time every morning to eliminate some variables. If you go to Fertility Friend, it's a pretty neat charting app and they have all kinds of information about what charts should look like and how to use them. I was reading into every little blip until I went through a full month, and looking back it was pretty obvious when the temp shift was real, so I'd say keep trying and give it time, you'll probably see a pattern emerge after the first month. Also, look into checking cervical mucus, this can give you a heads-up that ovulation is coming soon (as opposed to the BBT which tells you after the fact), Fertility friend also has some great info on that and can track both. I'd highly recommend checking out the sidebar and reading some of the info there as well as looking at fertility friend, also if you're more of a book person, "Expecting Better"
and "The Imatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant"
have both been really great resources for me in figuring all this out. Best of luck!
Basically (according to Expecting Better), drinking can kill cells, but at that point they're all identical and regenerating. There is a small risk of miscarriage, but if that doesn't happen there's no damage.
B6! Someone else already said it, but I have to concur - it totally changed my life. It doesn't work for everyone (nothing does), but it's worth a shot. I'd start with 25 mg of B6 before bed (I had to cut up a larger tablet) and see if that does anything for you. My midwife said I could take 25 mg up to 3x per day (which I think would be helpful for the all-day morning sickness).
If that doesn't help, then jump to B6 and unisom before bed. The recommended dose I've seen is 10mg B6 and 1/2 tablet of unisom (source: Expecting Better by Emily Oster), taken before bed.
Good luck! It will get better eventually!