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Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win?
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I only heard this song once at bootcamp, as Money_breh said, during the capping ceremony.
My RDCs played an interview with David Goggins or an audiobook of Extreme Ownership on Sunday mornings.
https://www.amazon.com/Extreme-Ownership-U-S-Navy-SEALs/dp/1250067057
Your mentality just leads to an easy out of taking any responsibility for anything.
Sure we can use these extreme hypotheticals like a truck materializing out of nowhere and annihilating someone, but, when do you actually hear people taking about luck most often? It's in day to day life, about day to day things. People hate the idea that they're in control of their own lives and luck isn't a big factor, because it suggests that their shortcomings are their own fault and not some nebulous force they can offload all of the blame onto.
I strongly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.ca/Extreme-Ownership-U-S-Navy-SEALs/dp/1250067057
It's hard to say, not knowing your friend or what she is doing.
I bought a whole case of these books to give to everyone in an office I was advising. The book sparked a lot of beneficial conversations.
https://www.amazon.com/Extreme-Ownership-U-S-Navy-SEALs/dp/1250067057
I struggled with imposter syndrome also - and still do sometimes. I think it’s a normal metal reaction that’s probably tied to a predisposition to the ‘flight’ response.
For me, I take my leadership style from Extreme Ownership. It’s not for everyone but it worked (and still does) for me.
https://www.amazon.com.au/Extreme-Ownership-Jocko-Willink/dp/1250067057
I'd recommend Jocko Willink's audiobook "Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win" - it's an excellent supplement to the Christian worldview, and will help you in this situation. https://www.amazon.com/Extreme-Ownership-U-S-Navy-SEALs/dp/1250067057
hmmm makes sense. I think there is just a lot of shift in the industry. I don't know if it will head for a crash though. I think even before covid, at least for the jobs around my area, there was this shift from companies who just want a decent dev which meant someone who could code, to companies wanting decent product driven devs. Which means ability to code, but also ability to own the product and share some responsibilities with PMs as well. I think it was partially driven by a lot of successful companies and startups having those types of devs. I think there was also this book that I've seen a lot of management and leadership point to about extreme ownership. And depending on your company, it could be treated healthily or something that burns devs out.
So even before covid, I see those groups of people who aren't as product driven being burnt out a bit. I feel like before being silo'd was more acceptable as well, whereas companies want to be more cross functional. The TLDR is that devs were slowly shouldering more burden. I was okay and actually enjoyed this though because it means I can make and influence certain decisions about the product. I specifically joined companies because I was interested in the mission. But not everyone was the same.
The of course covid happened.
Honestly, I'm not that well read. I like Business and Strategy books and modern combat. I'm currently reading Extreme Ownership, its a great book with solid leadership principles. This is actually my second time reading it, overall a solid book on holding yourself accountable.
>Let my self go a bit with ~~carbonated drinks~~ poison during winter,
You need to see that shit as the antithesis to what you're trying to accomplish, and therefore not a reward.
> I can either change careers, no idea what to, or start being an actual leader. I don't know if I have it in me or if I care enough.
You care enough from the sounds of it. You're scared. Decent book. Highly recommend the audio version, they are hilariously alpha and any of us here can't even come close. The principles are about as solid as you can get.
I have no tips for your situation, but I would read the excellent Extreme Ownership: it talks about simple and effective principles of leadership. It doesn't talk about your specific situation but I think it will give you a lot of food for thought.
I'm assuming you are now a full grown adult, and from the sounds, you were a rather mature kid as well. Assuming you are, indeed, adopted, your parents seem to have done a good job at both bringing you up in a loving way, and not keeping you so sheltered that you can't discern the truth.
Many, many kids, hell even adults, don't have your level of confidence to let things roll right off their shoulders. I think we kinda have to be aware of that too. That we're not all the same. While on some level I agree that "it doesn't bother me, so it shouldn't bother you" is, indeed, valid (and probably many problems could be solved this way, by not giving them any energy to thrive), but while it may be very difficult for us to find a truth that would hurt you, that may not be the case for everyone. Especially for kids.
I, too, try to "always tell the truth, or at least don't lie."
Truth can hurt when it leads to lack of empathy or understanding. Chris Voss, who wrote a book about negotiation (it's great if you haven't read it) talks about how the most important part of a negotiation is the listening and letting the other person know that they're heard.
To provide a crazy trite, and rather poor example...
My son was still little enough that he was into the spirit of Santa (not the person, but the idea of giving) when my niece gave him a "Santa isn't real, you know." That part of the family is quite traditionally Christian. I could've said, "Jesus rising from the dead isn't real either." Would it have been petty? Yes. Would it have been true? Yes. Would it have made for weirdness for the rest of our visit? Yes.
Instead I said something along the lines of, "There are lots of things that different people believe in that are useful to them, and we like the idea and spirit of giving, which is what we think Santa represents." Was this still true? Yes.
I think what I'm trying to get at is that sometimes people (I'm NOT saying you are doing this, we're having a great back and forth) use "I'm just telling the truth" as a defense to not be kind or understanding.
I get what you're saying from an Extreme Ownership standpoint, in that we're responsible for our own situations and emotions. I just think that there is something different with who is handling the truth and what they are doing with it. It can lead to better understanding, and a more robust society in general, or it can be twisted into something that's divisive and puts walls in between us.
I'm all for the truth, and I expect it. I also expect empathy, kindness, and even a little bit of a sense of huor. Those things don't often go together nearly as often as they should.
> Complaining doesn't get shit done.
This video and the book kinda reflect that thinking. I won't lie and say I live like this, but it teaches you something. Well worth the read.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSW7LQaFHTg
https://www.amazon.com/Extreme-Ownership-U-S-Navy-SEALs/dp/1250067057
There was a cool author at your event, I think he wrote a book you might want to read.
I also deal with an unhealthy amount of anxiety. Here are a couple of things that have recently changed my life, both in terms of my finances and my perspective on life.
https://www.youneedabudget.com/
Read this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Extreme-Ownership-U-S-Navy-SEALs/dp/1250067057
You know you fucked up. Own it. You make enough money that this is something you can recover from.
You know what you need to do to fix it. So do it.
>Sorry but there exists no "Great Leader."
I thought it went without say that "great" is a relative term. There exists specific qualities that people can have or exemplify that make them notably good leaders. There is no perfect leader, of course. But there are people that have been as great of leaders as people can realistically be.
Then there are people who have been poor leaders relative to the good ones. Trump is a poor leader, he lacks the qualities that inspiring, motivational, fair, just and courageous leaders have.
>from Mao and Stalin to FDR (arguably). We have no idea what any of them spoke like prior to the internet.
Wat? We have historical records, especially of FDR. And I am not talking only about "how they speak" i am talking about qualities they have that make them good leaders, speech and articulation being one of them. I am talking about how they inspire, motivate, change, learn, adapt, accept and own failure, accept responsibility for their actions and mistakes. Trump is awful at all of those.
Also, why do you think i am only speaking about leaders of state? I am speaking of any leader of almost anything including armies and business.
>Everything was scripted, written by speech writers, or published after editing.
Uh...no. Again i am not speaking only about heads of state. I am talking about leadership in general. I highly recommend this book Extreme Ownership wrtitten by Jocko about leadership in the navy seals. Read that book then watch trump and you'll see how pathetic Trump's leadership is in comparison to actual strong leaders.
> That being said, there are plenty of quiet and twitter timid leaders around the globe right now committing atrocities
What your point? I am not saying Trump is the ONLY shitty leader i am just saying he is a shitty leader. He lacks the Resilience, Transparency, Emotional Intelligence, Passion, Empathy, Empowerment, Open-mindedness, Patience, Diplomacy, Initiative for action, Humility, Influence, Vision, Trust, Integrity, Problem Solving, Perspective, Listening, Ownership / Accountability, Motivation and vocabulary to be a great leader.
The way he speaks and acts comes across as weak, desperate, dishonest. close-minded, impatient, undiplomatic and juvenile.
I was willing to give him a shot even though i didnt like him because i was willing to be wrong and maybe everyone else saw something i didnt but these last 4 have proved that he is even worse than i thought.
Hey brother. Couple thoughts for you. I don't know all the specifics of your situation, but hopefully some of this will be generally helpful regardless of your exact circumstances.
The only person responsible for your situation is you. Until you can accept this fact, you will not be able to move forward. Every one of us is dealt a different hand in life, some people have great cards, while others didn't even get a full count of cards. It doesn't matter what you got, but how you move forward. What this means is that when you get the short end of the stick, you can't blame the circumstances for how you respond in your life. You are responsible for how you think about and push back, and fight against and work yourself out of the various difficulties you meet in your life. Take control of your life. This doesn't mean end it. It means make the changes necessary to better yourself and better those around you.
Read some books. It sounds like you could use some outside perspective. Reading a book gives you a look inside the author's mind, and will develop empathy and patience, both of which will help you deal with the variety of idiots around you. A couple recommendations, specific to some of the stuff you're going through right now:
I've got an extra copy of each of these that I'll send to you if you wanna read them, just DM me.
You have the power to make a positive change. I hope if you take anything away from this, it's that you have the power. Don't hesitate to reach out again if things get darker.
You can change your surroundings and location, but if you can't learn to take responsibility for your life then the change in scenery will only result in short term change, not the long lasting change that controlling your life will. If you don't have many resources, I'd recommend considering staying put where you are, gather resources, come up with a plan, work on yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and then as you develop each of these aspects of yourself you will begin to develop a longer term vision for your life. Stick to it, and never give up.
Edit: another book rec and conclusion
Edit: lol thanks for the love Reddit, but OP can't fix his problems by running from them. Bring on the downvotes!!
Edit: thanks for popping my gold cherry, internet stranger! I'll never forget my first.
Great feedback from /u/volci - I would take heed.
Along with that, buy this book: https://www.amazon.com/Extreme-Ownership-U-S-Navy-SEALs/dp/1250067057/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469622981&sr=8-1&keywords=extreme+ownership
Listen to these podcasts: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/jocko-podcast/id1070322219?mt=2
I usually don't say "buy a book and do X" but these two things have given me more insight on leadership than anything else in my 30 years on earth. I have a management degree that cant hold a candle to this stuff.
OP, here's a book you may enjoy and benefit from: https://www.amazon.com/Extreme-Ownership-U-S-Navy-SEALs/dp/1250067057/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1486323161&sr=8-1&keywords=extreme+ownership
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