What is Reddit's opinion of Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

There are basically a billion book / internet article / discussions about this issue in relationships. This is one of the most recent ones that presents a possible strategy, of course it assumes that both parties are willing to cooperate

Fair Play https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07NTX84PY/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_9JHK0YGJWV15283C94FF

I will say that it sounds like you're talking about two different issues... One is the burden of being the Household CEO, The other is the the actual execution of the tasks. Messing up the cooking with just 3 tries (it can be improved!)! is ok but the household CEO thing is a different issue.

I do agree that no matter how this all plays out, it's going to be Worth it to your household to hire a once-weekly professional cleaner. BTW, In addition to the entire internet being available to teach someone about household chores and cooking, if your H a written book about how to maintain household chores and cleanliness, there's "home comforts" and "Martha Stewart's Homekeeping Handbook:" both of which are very gendered but do contain instructions about how to do stuff like sorting laundry and how full to make the washing machine.

I actually just heard from an author who wrote a book about this, Fair Play.

I dig that you're partners are all so willing to help. Agreed that it's been socialized into us as girls as it's OUR JOB - on top of everything else.

Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07NTX84PY/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_P9KP7N9JM3F0VF6N4ERQ

I just read this book and it is really great. To me it sounds like your husband is working 40 hours a week, your kids are only working on school, and you are working 100 hours a week. No wonder you're burned out and miserable.

One of the major points of the book is that both partners time are created equal, and for a true partnership you both need to feel like the workload is fair. It sounds like you are not feeling that it is fair at all because of all the unseen/invisible work you do, and your husband feels like because he's bringing money home he's done his part and isn't required to do more.

Another major point she makes is that when we become mothers, we feel like we lose our right to be interesting - that is, we don't feel like we have permission to have hobbies or careers because there's always something we "should" be doing in service to our household instead. This ties in, actually, with feeling less attractive to our spouses, because we're no longer behaving like the whole, actualized person that they fell in love with but have become basically just a cardboard cutout of our personalities because we're so busy running around for other people.

I hope you read it and find information useful and relevant to you - I checked this out from the library. There's also a deck of playing cards and a "game" to play with your partner, but I don't think I'm going to buy it or play. Just the text has been very helpful to me in reframing how I think of my time.

>Division of Labor: she’s way more organized than I am, which I like based off my childhood. I’m more outgoing/extroverted and good at planning. She’s better at scheduling/organizing. We split up chores

Honestly this seems a bit underdeveloped to me. A lot of people think they "split" chores fairly. Do you carry a mental load? Or do you just say that "I'll do anything you just need to ask" (hint, this isn't taking responsibility for a task, it's waiting until someone else Conceptualizes and plans and tells you to execute. Taking care of a task is doing all 3 yourself.

I recommend you guys really go through your relevant household tasks, and make sure things are split fairly instead of just saying "Oh we each do the stuff we're better at and split it". This rarely equals equitable household work

This book has been recommended a lot for it's system. https://www.amazon.com/Fair-Play-Game-Changing-Solution-When-ebook/dp/B07NTX84PY

NTA, but I think you and your husband would really get a LOT out of the book Fair Play by Eva Rodsky and her method for splitting household responsibilities. A big part of the gate fair play method is talking about and agreeing upon a "minimum standard of care" so that there are any miscommunications or misunderstandings about expectations for tasks.

I agree that it's unfair your stepdad sits around like a lump and lets the women do the work but honestly, you're hardly asked to do anything and you get free rent so...

Maybe you can recommend this to your mom - might help with her lazy husband: https://www.amazon.com/Fair-Play-Game-Changing-Solution-When-ebook/dp/B07NTX84PY

I saw you mention something about kids, and just affirming this issue will be 100% be exacerbated by children. Coming from experience.

Our entire relationship my husband has let me carry 99% of the mental load. It’s a boundary I never held with him and has been the source of almost every argument we’ve ever had. Five years later and we still have arguments over it. The good news for us is I feel we are finally at a turning point.

The good news for you is that your husband is/was at least willing to go to therapy over this. It’s clear the therapy wasn’t quite enough though. Maybe time to revisit that and possibly with a new therapist.

My husband just ordered this book for us. We haven’t implemented it, but I have high hopes.

Girl, you need to read "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky. She has a deck of cards that go with the book with almost every imaginable household and parenting task, with instructions for how to split them equitably between partners. It's a phenomenal book and system!

I listened to it as an audiobook and literally had to pull over because I started crying after the first few minutes because she put into words exactly the exhaustion and frustration I was experiencing. Can't recommend it enough.

https://www.amazon.com/Fair-Play-Game-Changing-Solution-When-ebook/dp/B07NTX84PY

NTA.

As a husband, the thing that helped me the most was this book. Buy him a copy of Fairplay. The card decks are also helpful. He's a child if he HAS to have a certain breakfast thats made. When you are an adult, a partner, and a father, life is full of things that you don't get.

>relatively happy, have kids, and just feel like you drifted apart,

Agreed with above post. Married 5 years and 3 young kids? It doesn't get any tougher than that.

Check that your split on household management and childcare is equitable and agreeable to everyone; I recommend the book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky to illuminate just how much mental energy and physical effort a modern family demands of the parents.

Ensure that you both have time away from the children.

Double up on your appreciation for each other; focus on the things that went right each day.

A vacation and/or a housekeeper is cheaper than a divorce.

I just read a newspaper article talking about this book, and how it can help you balance housework and domestic duties within families. Its not only a book I think there are "playing cards" with it as well to facilitate the conversation. Perhaps it will be useful..

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https://www.amazon.com/Fair-Play-Game-Changing-Solution-When-ebook/dp/B07NTX84PY

Check out the book “Fair Play” by Eve Rodsky. It’s a guide to how to divide up chores without having to constantly issue reminders. It has excellent reviews!

https://www.amazon.com/Fair-Play-Game-Changing-Solution-When-ebook/dp/B07NTX84PY

If you haven’t yet, I’d check out Fair Play, which is less research and more a useful tool by which you can approach division of labor.

It’s less about lists and more about emotional labor and mental load. This book helped my family immensely.

https://www.amazon.com/Fair-Play-Game-Changing-Solution-When-ebook/dp/B07NTX84PY

Counseling and the Fair Play system might help: https://www.amazon.com/Fair-Play-Game-Changing-Solution-When-ebook/dp/B07NTX84PY

NTA - Marriage counseling and check out the Fair Play system: https://www.amazon.com/Fair-Play-Game-Changing-Solution-When-ebook/dp/B07NTX84PY

Every woman in that situation needs this book even if it’s just to start a conversation with her husband/significant other.

https://www.amazon.com/Fair-Play-Game-Changing-Solution-When-ebook/dp/B07NTX84PY

My god, so NTA. Honey, I am so sorry. Please call a therapist - and read Fair Play by Eve Rodansky in that bathtub. Your husband has brought you to this by not even remotely pulling his weight. He needs to do better. I hope this is a wake up call for him that he is failing you and your kids so hard. Please do not be ashamed to ask for help and to hold your husband accountable. This is not your fault. Hang in there.