Hey OP There is a great book called Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity
It helped me understand a number of things. I think you would like it.
I do a lot of counseling in my profession. If you would like to talk to an anonymous person so you can decide if you want to talk face to face with a therapist or counselor . . . send me a note.
p.s. I have the book in e-pub format if you read e-books.
Anybody who thinks that this a good thing or that the US should have a higher rate of termination, check out Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon: