Beside a behaviorist visit something in the mean time you can try a Feliway plug in diffuser in your bathroom. When it empty’s don’t forget to unplug it or if it works refill it, as this is how all these types of diffusers can get hot and catch on fire 🔥
Give it time! Sounds like you’re on your way to a great relationship with kitty. I might suggest getting a Feliway plug in, which might ca him down a bit FELIWAY Classic 30 Day Starter Kit Plug-in Diffuser & Refill for Cat https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabt1_OPeXFbB81PYXC
When I got a new cat that didn't vibe well with my old cat my vet sold me plug-in pheromone diffusers that seemed to mellow them out quite a bit. It took a longgg time (years) for my cats to finally get along and bond because the old cat was a real territorial dick. Just depends on the temperament of your cats, if they're not fighting each other then you're probably fine. Your old cat is probably just tense due to the change.
I use a product that actually I had zero faith in just because the spray never worked for me. I just recently adopted two kittens two days apart from each other and because they aren’t litter mates I was worried about the stress when introducing. So I bought this FELIWAY Classic 30 Day Starter Kit Plug-in Diffuser & Refill for Cat https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_EoWjFb8CPJ84T and had it plugged in the day I got the first little guy. What makes more sense is having it plugged in in my room where it’s a smaller space and the smell can be contained better. This is more therapeutic for them I found. When I brought my second baby home I immediately put him on the bed next to the other and they snuggled up next to each other. No stress, no hissing, no growling/biting. These two boys immediately bonded and absolutely think they are liter mates. There is no smell that we as humans can smell but I’m pretty sure this stuff works. If you are only able to get the spray or you want to try both, do it. Your kitty may respond well to the spray. Just because mine didn’t in the past means nothing. Cats are fickle creatures. Also, where is his liter box and food? Keep those in your room if you can for now. This will lessen the stress going out of the room.
You could try Feliway for Roll. I was suggested it for a kitten I had that would pee everywhere. They recommended Feliway as a little wall plug-in. It reminds me of a Glade scent plug-in, but instead of the scented spray in it, it has cat pheromones. You can get a starter kit for about $30 on Amazon. I can't say whether it works or not because I only got one and it was too small to cover the entire area of my parents' house to have any effect. Just something to consider looking into! :)
If you're wanting to keep all of the cats, get a feline stress defuser for every room. I'd keep the problem cats separated at night as well. We have a male and female who don't always get along and they're separated all night. Last thing you can do is take them to the vet for behavior issues, they may be able to prescribe anxiety medication. If you're not planning on keeping them, I'd reach out to a local rescue and discuss your options with them. Best of luck.
Consider trying Feliway . We have a cat that had some surgery and when he returned he had anxiety and would pee. The moment we got the feliway it stopped. The only time he does it is when it runs out. It has no detectable scent but provides mother cat pheromones which makes them relax.
Good luck!
She might be marking her territory because the new carpet doesn’t smell like her. My dad got this plug in thing that sprays hormones so they don’t pee. Worth a try!
Have you tried Feliway? It's pricey, but I used to have an anxious cat who did not have great vision, this helped her a lot, especially whenever we would move to a new place - https://www.amazon.com/Feliway-Classic-Starter-Cats-Diffuser/dp/B01AVIIFRA
Feliway brand from Amazon. You require the multi cat formula.
Costly to start, refills not much cheaper, but 100% effective.
I've tried their other formulas and both cats behavior changed in a very short while. I picked one that worked best for my situation.
If objectionable changes occur, simply switch formulas. They have 3.
I found the primary calming formula made my cats appear depressed, only used a bit from 2 rather costly refills. Kept anyway.
Nice to have variable coverage of tech that literally works miracles.
Very well worth the expense!
​
Feliway makes this soothing cat pheromone stuff, it did wonders for one of my old kitties who had a lot of anxiety. When I had her, I was moving quite frequently, but would plug in the feliway the night before I brought her to our new home and it helped her a ton.
It costs a lot and it doesn't work on all cats, but it worked well for Mimosa.
https://www.amazon.com/Feliway-Classic-Starter-Cats-Diffuser/dp/B01AVIIFRA
This happened to our youngest cat around our son's second birthday. The vet said this is completely behavioral, what we've done that's showing results is add more littler boxes, there's one in the guest bathroom and about 5 through the basement. We also try to avoid leaving doors open, she seems only interested in peeing on my son's and husband's stuff. She absolutely adores mu husband so he has been making sure she gets one-on-one time, he's also been supervising playtime between our son and the cat. It had gotten so bad even our older cat was annoyed with her peeing everywhere. We also purchased this https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_5602B5D23MS5BD8GPE5P?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&pldnSite=1
This 👆is excellent advice! I want to add, the Feliway plug in and air spray do help when plugged in every room. Additionally, once moved in keep things quiet at first…. Not unreasonably, just enough so that they feel comfortable coming out of their hiding places to explore… I would buy from Amazon Feliway Classic Cat Calming Diffuser Kit for Cats (30 Day Starter Kit) - Reduce Problem Scratching, Spraying, and Hiding https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_TB63KHBP9GRAV5CGB1EP if you’d like to try…. Plug them into the new place a couple days (after you’ve moved in all your stuff and things) before you bring the kitties to their new place. This way the pheromone can build up in the apartment. Not to worry, humans can’t smell it no matter how good their sense of smell is.
I wish you and your kitties all the best! Have a great college experience and stay safe :)
Oh no! That's a hell of a situation... When one of our cats was so uncomfortable in her surroundings she resorted to peeing everywhere, our vet recommended using Feliway diffusers to fill a room with calming scents humans hardly notice. It worked wonderfully to help end the behavior for us.
I'm sorry to hear your other cat's going through such a rough time. Certainly sounds like your Bengal is being territorial because of an ongoing situation, which puts things in a different ballpark than simply compulsive behavior. Does he still do it if the cats are separated for an extended period of time?
Ugh, I’m sorry, I have a male cat that does the SAME THING! I’ve given him these calming treats and they help a little but not too much. I even took him to the vet to see if he has any issues (nothing.)
The vet suggested this stuff but the reviews are very hit/miss. Feliway Classic Cat Calming Diffuser Kit for Cats (30 Day Starter Kit) - Reduce Problem Scratching, Spraying, and Hiding https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_9T008SMWMY211SBZ6NMS
In the end we mig just have talkative cats. 😭
Feliway Classic Cat Calming Diffuser Kit for Cats (30 Day Starter Kit) - Reduce Problem Scratching, Spraying, and Hiding https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_683BYA63BDPCT842BET6?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I’ve used these before, they take about a month to work. They can help a lot.
Might have to start restricting her to only certain rooms? How old is she? I had one who was a complete and total terrorist until she was 2 years old. I had another cat and she mostly took it out on her but I basically had to lock them in separate rooms at night and when I wasn’t home.
Plenty of them. I work with smaller cat rescue groups that specialize in taking animals out of high kill shelters, doing TNRs, and transitioning kittens from feral colonies into foster homes so they can be socialized and adopted. Guess what? Almost all cats can live around babies safely. The vast majority of cases where there are problems? Are due to people like your MIL who stress the cat out deliberately.
So, first off- call the daycares. When they're done laughing their asses off (yes, they will), call your vets office and make a an appointment for a routine check up. One of the best ways to start the process of getting your cat ready for a baby? Is to make sure your cat is healthy! Now, getting a home with a cat ready for a baby.
Here is the ASPCA's Information Page
I usually direct people to this source from the UK as well
Here's What to Expect's take on things.
Now, for some other tips that can help.
One way to reduce the stress your cat experiences from the big change in your house is Feliway. This is a pheromone product that helps reduce behaviors like scratching, marking, and hiding. It's a calming product that's proven pretty effective for a lot of cats. Feliway makes two different types of product: Calming and Multi-Cat and they have two product ranges, Classic and Comfort Zone. Comfort Zone is less expensive because it's a "generic" version that contains less of the active product.
Some people have good results with the VetriScience Composure treats but my rule on these is ask your vet first. They are a supplement and cats have very sensitive metabolisms.
If your cat does spray due to stress (it can happen to the best of them), go for the big guns and use the cleaning product with the stupidest name ever. Anti Icky Poo Odor Remover may have horrible branding but it will kill off just about anything a mammal can produce. They even have a treatment for old, set in stains that actually works. I've seen it get an old urine patch out of a carpet pad.
Finally, if your DH is still worried about the cat meeting the baby, one safety precaution you two can discuss adding to this whole thing? Is vinyl claw caps. These can be applied at home or by a groomer. The name brand is Soft Paws but you can find inexpensive versions on Amazon. The glue is nail glue and comes with the things. They're not expensive and you attach them to the claws on the front paws (and only the front paws). They are a humane alternative to declawing and they will blunt your kitty. You can even color coordinate the cat to the welcome decorations... and get the obligatory very grumpy feline pic for the baby album!
There isn't really much you can do unless you can find something that soothes her. You could talk to the vet about some calming treats. I would also get a Feliway diffuser or spray. She wont stop crying until she feels safe and that won't happen 100% until she bonds to you or has someone or something that makes her calm.
Feliway Kit - you can get smaller ones or even just a spray bottle but a diffuser is pretty good option because you won't have to re-apply often and freak out the cat more.
Calming Treats - These are the ones I like to use but they are out of stock on Chewy. You might find them in a local pet store or on amazon.
Maybe try some Feliway or some catnip to calm her
You could get a feliway dispenser. Basically puts some calming pheromones in the air to help kitty relax and be less stressed.
https://www.amazon.com/Feliway-Classic-Starter-Cats-Diffuser/dp/B01AVIIFRA
Try this for calming. Humans don’t smell it.
FELIWAY Classic Cat Calming Pheromone Diffuser, 30 Day Starter Kit (48 mL) https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_47DF3CPSW2V5HGRE1HAX
I would only use one type of litter, the same type you have been is preferred. I would scoop the box at least 1-2x per day, wash the litter box with water and Dawn dish soap (blue one with the duck) once a week or biweekly and replace with fresh litter, and get an enzymatic cleaning spray to remove odors from the carpet.
I would put at least 3 inches of litter in the box. Some cats indoor cats still like to completely bury their poop. Also, a feline pheromone could help calm her. There's a great one called Feliway that you can plug in near the litter box and covers 700 sq ft.
I've known cats that are medically healthy and continue to do this despite the owners efforts. Sometimes it's the new norm for whatever reason, but it never hurts to get a physical exam or call your vet. You can get a poop sample tested too just to make sure she doesn't have intestinal parasites - you won't see the eggs with your naked eye.
I hope this helps.
Enzymatic cleaner, recommended by a board certified veterinary behaviorist I used to work with: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008A79YLG/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_5VN0C7JPTCPV4961HE9X?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I'm sorry you haven't been able to find anyone to take in your cat. I know you weren't seeking advice, but I highly recommend this cat introduction method and plug-in pheromones to keep the cats chilled out during the introduction period. I have four cats who get along pretty well after following this method with each addition. Good luck with your kitty!
I wanted to chime in after the two edits, quite relieved that putting Sweetheart down seems to be off the table for now. I have had issues with an elderly cat (who was 12 years old at the time) using the bathroom outside of the litterbox. Turns out it was stress to environmental changes, one of which was moving. Getting Feliway plug-ins helped; they release an odorless synthetic pheromone which helps to calm your cat. Link to Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Feliway-Classic-Starter-Cats-Diffuser/dp/B01AVIIFRA
Also, my vet recommended Royal Canin Calm cat food, which also helps with anxiety and specifically bathroom issues. You need approval from your vet to purchase because it is prescription, but it’s available on Chewy: https://www.chewy.com/royal-canin-veterinary-diet-calm/dp/43685
Since you recently moved and Sweetheart is undergoing the stress of cancer, it wouldn’t surprise me if this is a stress response. Please look into these comparatively cheap and non-invasive options before putting down your beloved family pet. Best of luck. 💙
Have you tried the Feliway diffuser yet? It emits pheromones similar to what mother cat releases when she is nursing or grooming her litter.
My vet uses these plug-ins next to the spots they place cat carriers waiting to be seen.. It helped my new cat calm down. She cried for a month before I tried it. It took a few days. But it can take a week...
Feliway Classic Cat Calming Diffuser Kit for Cats (30 Day) Does he have enough things to keep him busy while you are asleep, out of the house or occupied?
You can find modest cat trees around $50. I found one on Amazon that isn't an eye sore. It's 38 inches tall. But it gives my cats something to do.
During the I make sure the birds outside have food. My cats love to watch them.
Cat TV video of birds and prey animals on a loop are available on YouTube.
He may need a companion. Some cats do better with another one around.
Does he have a bed that keeps him snug all around. Some cats need those deep beds (at least 4 inches deep) to feel secure.
Are you sure he is eating enough? If he is young they can eat way more than you'd expect. Obviously overfeeding is a concern. But check with your vet as to the appropriate amount of food for his breed, bone structure, and age.
Get one of those bowls that prevents gobbling by having little obstacles built into the bowl.
Lorde Slow Feeder Cat Bowls, Ceramic Puzzle Bowl
Have you looked into interactive toys that encourage independent play...
Goopow Cat Toy Automatic, Interactive Laser Toy
Potaroma Electric Flopping Fish 10.5"
What did your vet say about the constant crying?
Do you brush him? Even if he has short hair a daily brushing session can help you bond. Do in addition to play time. Do it around the time you want him to settle down.
Get him on a routine so he can trust thT you'll feed him, play, groom, sleep and change the litter.
Again, I'd talk to your vet. Just ask the office to have the vet call you. You can determine if another visit is necessary from there.
The vet may want to run some labs for thyroid, diabetes, or kidney function.
Any peeing outside of the box? If so, that's a sign of pain. If not, it's probably just being in a new home.
He may have left a friend or sibling or mother behind. Did anyone check for other cats 3 weeks ago? Go back to the location and check.
I hope this helps.
YW & these things:
Feliway Classic Cat Calming Diffuser Kit for Cats (30 Day Starter Kit) - Reduce Problem Scratching, Spraying, and Hiding https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_KK520H8K0RC7JY68210V
Try some Feliway. It's a pheromone diffuser that calms cats.
Feliway Classic Cat Calming Diffuser Kit for Cats (30 Day Starter Kit) - Reduce Problem Scratching, Spraying, and Hiding https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA
For cats with more anxiety I’d recommend a Feliway diffuser & also some Bach’s Rescue Remedy for Pets. These have helped me with lots of situations from introducing new cats into the home to the fireworks scaring them.
I would get feliway, it’s a pheremone that calms cats. And get some litter attractant spray. It encourages cats to use the litterbox.
FELIWAY Classic 30 Day Starter Kit Plug-in Diffuser & Refill for Cat https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_58xqFb456ZRDA
Maybe give this a go, it places hormones in the environment to calm cats. FELIWAY Classic 30 Day Starter Kit Plug-in Diffuser & Refill for Cat https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_8aTlFbPYF1WM7
While definitely sad that you may have to part with your pet, it sounds like you've been proactive trying to address the issues you're having. You mention mostly working with your kid to teach him how to properly interact with animals, which is fantastic. Have you tried anything to improve the environment for your cat? Sometimes behavior can be due to feeling threatened/stressed and changes in the environment can help them feel more comfortable. Things like do they have escape routes if they feel threatened? Are there safe spots where they feel comfortable (cat trees are often a good option and relative cheap online)? They also make pheromone diffusers meant to help calm cats if you haven't tried them ( https://www.amazon.com/Feliway-Classic-Starter-Cats-Diffuser/dp/B01AVIIFRA). There's also medication options (e.g. kitty prozac) you can discuss with your vet. While probably not a permanent option, the meds may help buy you some time while making other adjustments/improvements. It may sound silly, but the tv show "My Cat From Hell" might give you some ideas on things you can try as well.
However it ends up, I hope Chewie has a loving home, whether it's yours or someone else's.
Maybe try one of these? https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AVIIFRA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_nXa1DbHH4RKN8