What is Reddit's opinion of Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

Just an encouragement, His grace is sufficient for you and you have been given the Holy Spirit, you have been freed from sin forever more. I don’t mean to say we all are perfect but if you are struggling with this it means you are battling and that is evidence of the spirit.

On a more logistical approach please bring on a mature Christian that you know and trust into this with you. Let them remind you of the grace you have in Christ and lovingly walk out accountability with you. Also, a friend of mine has recently read this ([Finally Free - link below for reference) and found it to be really helpful in the battle.

https://www.amazon.com/Finally-Free-Fighting-Purity-Power/dp/0310499232/ref=nodl_?dplnkId=3b4f9f61-8144-4134-8319-6ca7d6daf206

/u/daleyz has some great advice. His nutrition bullet point has some interesting views, that you could probably ignore, as long as you understand eating a more nutritious diet will help in many ways.

I also want to encourage you, that even though it now seems crazy that this has been going for 3 years, that you are still young and this desire to fight these temptations so early is truly powerful!

In addition to the practical "clean living" aspects that daleyz has posted, I encourage you to find a confidant, someone who is a christian, someone who is your same gender, and if possible, someone who struggles with this sin like you. Seek this out and start an accountability partner relationship. It won't work if they're not christian, it won't work if they think masturbation is ok. At this stage in your life it might even be best to seek out an older student in your church or a youth minister at first. Someone your age may not have the maturity to truly grasp this struggle like you do. A pastor/priest may be easiest at first, just because that's their job, you know that they have the maturity to point you always to Christ and His word, and take you seriously.

Finally, I'll encourage you to read the book "Finally Free" Unlike the go-to "Every Young Man's Battle" it skips over all of the stuff about why we shouldn't do this. We know it's bad, and yet we still do it. What we want, is to understand how God equips us to stand up under temptation. This book is written almost like an inventory of a tool-box of all the ways He gives us to battle sin. It's written specifically toward a battle against P but can easily be read to apply to any sin. It's an amazing book and I can't recommend it enough.

I'd encourage you to check out "Finally Free" by Heath Lambert. Phenomenal book that walks through the various tools that the Lord equips us with to fight this sin. Prayer life is always helpful, but sometimes that's not the right tool for the job. Sometimes you need a memory verse, sometimes you need to reach out to an accountability partner, sometimes you need to take drastic measures (getting rid of an internet device, getting out of the house, etc.)

I'd remind you of the rest of 1 Corinthians 10:13 which you paraphrased, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." It's not that he doesn't give you more than you can bear, it's that He provides help and tools for us in that situation. We can't do it on our own.

> but the relationship with God and Jesus Christ is what makes all the difference

Amen, brother!!

A phenomenal book I've been reading through this year is "Finally Free" by Heath Lambert

Doesn't really answer your question. But let me recommend the best book I've read on combatting lust:

https://www.amazon.com/Finally-Free-Fighting-Purity-Power/dp/0310499232/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1601782039&sr=8-1

This is heavy...man...

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There's so much here. It's post like these that make me doubly thankful for this community over the internet... and yet brings to the forefront the limitations of two people talking over the internet.

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I wish more than anything I could sit with you and your husband. Listen and cry and try and make sense of the conflict of emotions you must be feeling. Emotional whiplash. I'm sorry this is happening. I feel the pain with you, even if just in a small way.

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Unfortunately, these things are not solved in paragraphs and question/answer moments. You know this. But, I will do my best to offer some help:

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1- Forgiveness is different than trust. You may be tempted to think you must be quick to forgive your husband, but it will feel very difficult because to forgive Him is to trust him again, and how could you trust him so quickly after He's shattered things in your life? Forgiveness and trust are not tied together.

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2- You do not bear the burden of solving your husbands lust problem. If I was sitting in a coffee shop with you right now, I'd plead with you as gently as I could right now. I know it feels like maybe something is your fault, or you weren't good enough, or all these lies that satan is throwing your way. We can't solve that in a brief interaction. All I know to say is look at Christ. When you feel low, when the insecurities rise, when you feel unworthy or like damaged goods... look to Christ. Look how gentle he was with people in the Gospels. Look how tender he was with the weak and broken. Look how he was everything we couldn't be. Look at what pain he subjected himself to, so that you would know how deeply he valued and loved you. You are valued by Jesus. He showed us that on the cross. Cling to that when your insecurities rise.

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Subsequently, your husbands biggest problem is not his lust issue. It's his dishonoring God. It's his heart. His biggest problem is his broken relationship with God. He needs Christ just as much as you do. Push Him there.

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3- Take a look at Hebrews 4:15-16

>15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

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I love this verse for so many reasons. We do not have a high priest (Jesus) who is unable to sympathize with us. Or to say it positively, Jesus walked through everything we would face in this life so that when we walk through it, he could come near and say... I know. I felt it too. I'm with you. You're not alone.

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Jesus felt betrayal when his friend, Judas, sold him to the government. His friend! The one who was with Him and walked with Him and ministered with Him. The one who said, I'll follow you wherever Jesus! I'm with you! That friend, betrayed Jesus. Jesus felt betrayal. Jesus was sinned against.

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Do you think Jesus felt some of the emotions you feel right now? I think he has. When you go to Him, and tell him what you feel and are going through... He can say: "I know... I know how it hurts. I'm sorry. I've felt it too. We'll get through this together. I'll be with you." Jesus knows.

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4- Can I strongly suggest a resource for your husband? I've counseled many people who've struggled deeply with pornography addiction. Most resources are really unbalanced and not that helpful. I am reading through a book now called Finally Free, Fighting For Purity With The Power of Grace. It's great, very practical. But it get's to the heart of the issue of sin. It's equally practical, but gospel centered and focuses on the heart. Not just the symptoms. But the deeper issues that lead us to sin. Your husband needs to get this book. It points to the Bible and has so much help in it.

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https://www.amazon.com/Finally-Free-Fighting-Purity-Power/dp/0310499232/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1537903770&sr=8-1&keywords=finally+free+by+heath+lambert

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Lastly, I feel for you. I'm so sorry this is going on. But could I offer you some encouragement? This is not wasted time. When Joseph was sold into slavery and everything in his life was going wrong in the book of Genesis.... it looked bleak. It looked pointless. It looked like just mindless, purposeless pain. But it wasn't. It was doing something. God was using it for His purposes to help others and bless people.

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Could God redeem this situation and bring good out of it? I believe He can. I believe he can. This is not wasted time. I pray God would come more near to you than You've ever experienced. That you'd fall so in love with Him that it spurred your husband on to greater holiness and love for Jesus.

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Sorry for the long post, but I hope the Lord gives you something from it to hold onto. If I can help in anyway, please do let me know.

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Blessings,

Pace.

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>What should I do? I understand that everyone has a struggle with sin and that God is walking with him, but what should my role be in all of this? Do I confront him yet again? Do I just pretend it's not happening? I don't know who to talk to without exposing my husband. I just feel so broken and I don't know what to do.

Hi there. First, I'm really sorry you are going through this.. I know it's really hard. A few thoughts:

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1- The responsibility of your husbands sin is his responsibility, not yours. I don't know if you've wrestled with the "If I was just... x or y... maybe he wouldn't sin..." but that is simply not true. You are the wife God has graciously given your husband. I hope he can begin to see you as more beautiful than anything else in the world.

2- Do you have anyone you can talk to? Any trusted, godly female you can talk to? You don't have to give her specifics or explicit detail. But God gave us community for a reason. So often wives are the unheard victims of their husbands porn use. Are you ok? It must be really lonely... please talk to someone if you can. You don't have to be alone in this and you need support too.

3- Yes, there is much grace for your husband. So much. As someone who is a seminary grad, a pastor, and has a past of sexual sin, I know the deep wells of pain that come from sexual sin. But I also know the grace and hope of Jesus Christ can do wonders in our lives. The thing about grace though, is that it does not just forgive our wrongs. But it empowers our transformation.

The Bible talks about the difference between worldly grief and godly grief over sin. (2 Corinthians 7:9-10) Worldly grief is sorry for getting caught. It is sorry for the consequences of sin. It doesn't lead to deep repentance. Be aware that this may be where your husband is. What do you do if that's where he is? Well, that's difficult.

I would consider having a very serious conversation with him, if you feel comfortable. And I would take him to Genesis 3 and look at how adam and eve believed a lie that sin was good for them. That's what he is doing. And every time he "eats of that apple" (sins) he introduces death into his life. His spiritual life with Jesus, but also his life with you. Because it hurts you. Just like adam and eve, there is pain with sin.

Then show him the grace of God towards adam and eve in killing an animal to cloth them. What your husband needs is to encounter Jesus deep forgiving love for Him so that through that he can see the seriousness of his sin.

Then talk to him about repentance. Repentance is violent. It seeks to kill sin at any cost. If your husband wants to take his sin seriously, he will call his pastor and confess. He will place himself under godly accountability. He will begin to cultivate his spiritual life. And he will begin to earn your trust back as a humble servant of his family.

If he doesn't do these things, he isn't walking in fellowship with Jesus. God's arms are open to all that come to him... but we must come to him...

4- Yes, there is grace. But grace is never an excuse to not take sin seriously. Be killing sin ,or it be killing you (and your spouse).

5- I don't think ultimatums are helpful, but I'm not married to a porn addict. So I won't tell you what to do. I would encourage you to talk openly with your husband. We don't want to hound him every day or nitpick, for that isn't helpful. But it is fair for you to be able to express your pain to him. You are owed that. Maybe God, in his grace, would open his eyes through seeing how deeply it hurts you.

I do think it's fair for you to set up some guidelines. If he wants to fight this, he needs to: talk to his pastor and confess his sins. Seek help from a godly pastor or professional counselor. Submit himself to friends that will hold him accountable, and work on his spiritual life. If he is unwilling to do these things, he is not "struggling with porn" he is in love with porn and unwilling to let it go. And that's something you need to know.

6- Walk with your husband, if you are able. I mean physically and metaphorically. Go on walks together and talk. Pray. Have fun again. Care about his heart. Go get ice cream. Be his friend. Maybe, though, you are so deeply wounded by his porn use that you cannot do this. That is ok. Do not feel guilty for the pain you feel. Take care of yourself.

7- I would recommend he buy this book. I have been in this subreddit for years and have helped a lot of people (lord willing). I've read a lot of resources and this is by far the best, gospel centered book I've read on the subject. https://www.amazon.com/Finally-Free-Fighting-Purity-Power/dp/0310499232

8- If I may give you a text to hold onto... there's this text in Genesis 16 where Abraham sins and has a baby with another woman, Hagar. And Hagar, under the crushing weight of this sin runs into the wilderness. She feels lost. Confused. Hurt. Probably like how you feel... all because of someone else's sin.

And do you know what she says at the end of her time with God in that wilderness? Verse 13:

>So Hagar gave this name to the LORD who had spoken to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “Here I have seen the One who sees me

What powerful words to me... she was not alone in that pain. She was not alone. God sees her. God is aware. God is at work. God is not finished. God is comforting her. God is near... I pray these truths will be balms to your many wounds.

My DM's are open should you ever need anything,
Josh.

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Helpful articles for your husband: (I wrote these ) https://www.weaponsofgrace.com/content/category/Sexual+Sin

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Helpful articles for you:
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/husband-porn/

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/when-your-husband-is-addicted-to-porn/

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/responding-to-your-husbands-secret-porn/

This book is good: https://www.amazon.com/Finally-Free-Fighting-Purity-Power/dp/0310499232

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I think it's more geared to people that are addicted to pornography and want to get set free from it, but this helped me alot.

Finally Free is a book that helped my boyfriend. Maybe it can help you too. Good luck, it's tough.

Amazon: Finally Free