I'm not an expert in fitting, but:
--Is your friend non-binary? Why are you using a menswear book for a woman? Women have different builds and often require bust darts and more shaping than men;
--Make the pattern in plain muslin, not a busy print, so it's possible to see clearly what's going on;
--Make only one change at a time;
--Make the full garment and close it pinned in the front;
--Take more photos from more angles.
This is a good fitting book. It's expensive but you can probably find a copy in a library or buy an older edition used.
Assuming the shoulder seam is supposed to be on the shoulder, it's too low. I would try pinning a large tuck to try to bring the seam up to the right position.
I've seen this recommended as a solid reference to modifying patterns, and bookmarked it for when I ... you know, pull out my sewing machine and learn how to sew/modify my own clothes.
Any pattern will work on any body- look into fitting and shaping patterns. Often widening shldrs on blouses by shifting darts adding fullness where needed. Shaped waistbands on skirts and longer sleeves all help ( as in, cuffs that end in the right place- not to hide anything)
And ask yr friend to make you a pinterest of styles she’d like to try. There is no one way to present “feminine”
Friendly trans* reminder time: don’t assume that any trans* person wants to take hormones, get surgery of any kind, wear cutlets or present with breasts. Your friend may just want a dress that has pockets and doesn’t rip at the armhole because it doesn’t fit right. There is no one way to be. There is no “right” way to exist.
I see and acknowledge all the advice being given- its coming from a good place.
Its easy to think that anyone “coming out as trans*” want to look like every cis gender person they know.
Anyway- im glad that another trans* person has a good friend who is concerned about her- and wants to make her feel comfortable and wanted.
This is the most important thing. Especially if yr friend is more of a t shirt and jeans kind of gal.
One of my favorite and very comprehensive fitting books has an introductory section on the selecting flattering styles. It tells you start with the usually recommendations for your shape, for example, A-lines for pear shapes, but suggests that you get better at fitting you will have a better of idea of less-typical styles that will work with modifications.
Learning to draft patterns is an excellent skill, but it's only the start of the process. Those books teach the reader to draft for an industry dress form. Almost no real person is shaped like that. The next step is to fit an actual human body with non-dress form proportions and asymmetries. I just ordered this highly recommended book.
The best fitting book around is this one by Judith Rasband et al. It's expensive, but IMO it's worth every single dime.
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There is also this from Closet Core Patterns. The full thigh adjustment is at the bottom:
https://www.closetcorepatterns.com/pants-fitting-adjustments-best-tips-for-pants-fitting/
Here's one.
https://insideoutstyleblog.com/body-shape-calculator
This fitting books discusses shapes. Interesting, it explains the typical advice for a certain shape, then discusses how it might be possible to go beyond that with the correct fitting.