Wait, what? Why would hooking up with girls, hold you back? Yes, looks and other superficial level factors matter more in the bar and club scene than they do otherwise....but most girls (even hot ones) are insecure with their appearance and in everyday life it is much less a factor for them, in terms of whether or not they hook up with you. If you want hotter girls...then build up your life and character as a man. Be smart, in shape, social, funny, caring, have goals, passions, etc. and you will attract girls of all walks and looks.
Most people tend to date those within their social circles, so if you don't socialize with the women you find hot, it's going to take a lot of work to get them to look your way. For instance, dudes who photograph models are probably going to date models (their immediate social/work circle) even if they aren't great looking because they spend so much time around these women, they can display their other attractive traits to them. Stop worrying so much about game and levels of hotness...focus on creating an awesome life and let the girls flock to you: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00XB2I8NU?*Version*=1&*entries*=0
Detach yourself from outcome and don't tie up your self-value in the validation of others. Break things down further to its base...What is success? How do you measure it? Is it making out with a girl? Is it still a success if that make out gave you a case of Mono or a cold? Is fucking a girl a success? What if she's absolutely nuts and now you have some crazy person screwing up your life...was it still a success? Stop believing the narrative you create about life in your head...this society is unique to this period in history, it's an illusion for the most part. You have a small part of the universal matter (one of like 7 billion people) and one day it will be over. Accept yourself and explore the world as you see fit. I wrote a whole book about this, if you're interested: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00XB2I8NU?*Version*=1&*entries*=0
It's eventually about finding balance and living the life you want to...not allowing girls or others to dictate how you live or interact with the world around you. I did a solid 3-4 years of going out and messing with girls and it got me nowhere in life (ended up even more miserable despite getting laid and achieving my goals of being able to approach girls). After that, I gave it up for about a year and a half (didn't talk to one girl, in terms of trying to hookup with them) and that was the most important time period of my life because it allowed me to gain great clarity, figure out my life's philosophy, and how I should include women in my life in the future...wrote about this here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00XB2I8NU?*Version*=1&*entries*=0
Was it lonely and a hell of a dry spell? Yes, but it was worth it. If you go too long, focusing solely on yourself, it can make you feel kind of crazy and isolated. You don't need to socialize everyday or anything but whenever you feel like its too much being alone or your work towards improving is struggling, then take a break for maybe a week or two and just socialize. It'll reenergize you and probably refocus you towards what you want. Always strive to improve yourself but you need to start living again eventually, so try to find that balance.
If you're not good enough for a girlfriend, then what makes them good enough for you? Just not being fat and might like to play tabletop games?
You probably shouldn't even be trying to have a steady girlfriend a this point in time because you will probably get involved with some chick that takes advantage of your inexperience and lack of self-belief. Your post is just so chock full of negative thinking about who you are, that just grasping for almost any chick that will have you, is 100% guaranteed recipe for disaster. Plus, having a girlfriend isn't always that great of a thing, and it's not going to be if you cannot love yourself first.
Getting a girlfriend or getting laid isn't going to make everything whole in your life. It's a nice notion, that a girl is going to 'complete' you but the truth is that the can only enhance or make your life worse, you have to figure out the 'internal self' on your own. Here's how I did it: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XB2I8NU
You said that you avoid people like the plague, that's one place to start looking into changing, basic social anxiety and phobia. Try getting some new hobbies and interests. Find out who you are and what you want your life to be like, then map out how you're going to make it a reality.
Understand that there isn't anything wrong with you. You are a man and they are women, fundamentally, it just naturally works. Get your mind right and accept yourself and your existence as it currently is, get to work on developing yourself further (set goals, find new work, go on trips, gather experiences, learn new things), and get excited about life...it belongs to you, work to shape it how you want it to be and don't label yourself as a loser or incomplete because you currently lack vagina.
She isn't comfortable with you, she doesn't like you, you're awkward...etc...pick one because it could be any reason.
I honestly hate the concept of kino. It's so premeditated and why bother if it doesn't feel natural? You're obviously talking to girls, so that's a start but why try to rush your intentions by forcing a touch when she might not be ready for it? Not every approach has to end in a one night stand (or any for that matter). It is perfectly ok to take a longer term approach (long-term meaning getting to know her over days, through phone/text, setting up a date, etc.) and letting that tension build.
I do this for several reasons, mainly she becomes more comfortable with me because I am bringing her deeper into my world and she starts to see me more as the person I am and less as the guy (stranger) she just chatted with for five minutes at the bar. Secondly, touch isn't as seductive as speech...touch is like the coup de grace, that last step to send her over the edge...you have to mindfuck her first, then her body will open up to you. Keep talking, keep working on your presence, reading body language...even if you don't fucking close in the near term, you will get better at presenting yourself to girls.
Try to look at things from their perspective, you're probably bigger than them and can physically impose your will on them. That's an intimidating prospect in a girl's eyes, as your just some strange guy, that is touching her and that isn't necessarily what she wants. You have to change her perspective from being the stranger to being the guy she likes...so seduce her and put her at ease. This is my view of it anyways, after ten years: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00XB2I8NU?*Version*=1&*entries*=0
Some guys asked this question over the past few days on here, these were my responses and it's still applicable:
I also wrote a whole book about it here (it's free to download today and Tuesday, once Amazon updates. You just need to download the free kindle app, as well): http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00XB2I8NU?*Version*=1&*entries*=0
"Nothing 'makes' me feel confident, I simply am confident because I exist as a man. This comes from acceptance of yourself and your place in the universe and unlike most people's definition of confidence is not based on external stimuli.
Any time confidence is based on something external (the environment, how a girl reacts to you, alcohol/drugs) it is a tenuous boost at best. After all, if something goes wrong (a negative reaction from a female) your confidence plummets, as if you are somehow less of a person because some random disliked you for whatever arbitrary reason. It's like building on shitty foundation, eventually it's going to collapse.
Now, this type of confidence isn't cocky or arrogant. It is simply a belief that you are all you need to be as a man. You don't have to 'become' anything, you already 'are'. It is also not a confidence that you will be successful, just that you have the necessary tools to take action and accept whatever outcome may come to pass.
In terms of interaction with women, this belief is not that you can get a positive reaction, phone number, make out, sex with any woman you approach (that's delusion)...it is a belief that fundamentally says that you are a man and she is a woman and nature has endowed you both with the tools necessary to make something happen. The outcome is irrelevant to who you are at your very core as a person because the outcome (positive or negative) is based on a myriad of variables which you have little control over (they can be influenced by your presentation and actions but never controlled completely). Accept yourself, let go of any semblance or idea that you have total control, and take action."
Here's another response on confidence and acceptance:
Understand two things: you already ARE what you need to be. You are not that important.
Stay with me here and I'll explain what I mean with those two statements...
1) You are not that important
You mentioned that when approaching (or thinking about it) you fear being rejected, being perceived as a weird guy, that girls hate you, etc. All of these are symptoms of being caught up in your own head. Being egotistical isn't just telling everybody how great you are, it can also be just being so self-absorbed that you think that everyone else cares what you are doing. Billions of men have lived and billions have been rejected, it's part of the process of mating in our society. Does anyone give a shit about the time some Roman guy who lived 2000 years ago got rejected by some chick? Nope and you and I are no more important in the grand scheme of things than he was. We are a small part of this universe and our society is so self-absorbed that we are often blind to this fact.
Also, even if something embarrassing were to happen during the approach, what does it matter? Will you die from this or be maimed physically? Nope.
"If it should ever happen to you to be turned to externals in order to please some person, you must know that you have lost your purpose in life."- Epictetus
You are allowing others (externals) to dictate your actions (whether you go talk to a girl or not). Actually, it's the story you are telling yourself (narrative) in your own head about what MIGHT HAPPEN, if you go talk to a girl that is preventing you from actually going to do it. Ask yourself if these fears are founded in anything real or rather your imagination...what we imagine will go wrong is usually far different from the actual outcome.
The actual outcome of the approach is also irrelevant to who you are as a person. A girl can reject you and it feels bad. However, you can also get a girl and it can be a whole lot worse of a situation than the rejection (deal with a few crazy broads and you'll know what I mean). In either outcome, acceptance or rejection, you are fundamentally unchanged as a person. The outcome is merely based on an external source's opinion (perception) of you in that moment, which can be altered and changed by multiple variables (how you dress, your hair, your friends, etc.). It really is ultimately meaningless because most of these girls won't be in your life next year but how you feel and how you act as a man will most certainly effect your life in the future.
2) You already are who you need to be
Yes, you can enhance your attractiveness through diet, exercise, clothes, work, money, etc. However, you already have all of the tools to be successful in life by virtue of being a man. You are built to attract women, you come from a long history of men who were successful at attracting a mate...if you weren't you would exist.
You can be confident whenever you want to be, you don't need to develop it in the way everybody always says because that understanding of confidence is wrong. True confidence is not based on the opinion of others or signals from the environment. It comes from within and is based on real acceptance of your being. This doesn't mean that you are confident that you will get every girl, rather, it means that you have the tools to approach and talk to a woman and simply be as you are with no pretense or bullshit. Thus, you are not wrapped up in the outcome of the conversation and recognize that her opinion is not a source of authority and has no bearing on your confidence.
College is almost 100% social networking in terms of getting girls...seriously. Yes, you can indeed get a bad rep for doing the usual 'game' approaches (having conversations is different from running game). The beauty of building a huge social network is that opportunities just fall in your lap with little to no effort...for instance, maybe you get involved in some volunteer group or other student academic or social club, and a girl in there sees you just being social then becomes attracted then wants to hook up...it happens a lot. This dude's journal is probably the best execution I've seen of social game at college: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/135273
I fucked this part up pretty much my first years in school. I worked full-time and commuted to school, so I instead focused on going out and doing game at bars (I wrote about this and how I got more success not doing pick-up: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00XB2I8NU?*Version*=1&*entries*=0). Had success (in terms of numbers of girls not any real happiness with things) but it was way too much effort. When I finally started taking my life seriously and went back to school after dropping out, I made a more concerted effort to be social. Paid huge dividends....even with people I barely knew, I would see them out at bars or events and could parlay that into meeting other people and having longer conversations. Also, I got a ton of girls just by sitting next to them in class and talking, cracking jokes, but never gaming in the usual sense of the word.
For college: Be social as hell (join lots of groups), read everyday and do all the self-improvement that you can, and learn to manage your time (get homework, papers, and studying done early and systematically...you will have more free time to be social and not stress about grades). It's really simple.
It's essentially your ego at work, most people tend to equate 'ego' with just being a cocky asshole. Not the case. It can also come in the form of the narrative you create in your head. So, for instance, every rejection turns into a 'woe is me' ordeal. You start believing that story about yourself and get to believing that you're somehow unique in your experiences...again, not the case.
Every single approach with a girl is different. Meaning, how one turns out will not determine how the next one comes out, as they are independent events. This works both ways, if you get 'success' with ten straight girls, you start feeling really good about yourself. If you get ten straight rejections, you feel bad. In either case, your interpretation of those events (your narrative) is wrong. You have given away your power and are a slave to the whims of random events (in this case, getting validation from women). If your feelings are always based on these outcomes, you'll always be a slave to events, and can never be truly content no matter how good at 'game' you get.
Truly understand, on a fundamental level, how fickle attraction is. A girl can like you for a million reasons and dislike you for a million. All you can do is develop your best self and play the percentages. For example, say that, you're a really dope musician but nobody knows about you. If you go to a club or bar, your attraction is that of the average guy. Now, if the same situation were to occur and this time you had the number 1 song in the country, you would get a shit ton of attraction. Again, because it is that fickle and you cannot take these outcomes seriously. Attraction can sometimes boil down to what shirt you had on or what kind of mood she was in, you cannot take it seriously!
Also, add to the fact that you are doing cold approach, which is just by its very nature a low percentage game. Even if you get the number and created some attraction, doesn't mean she is going to still be interested later and doesn't have a shit ton of options. I know it can hurt, getting rejected, but you have to learn to let that go. It's going to happen, no matter how long you are involved with women...I've been rejected or dissed, I don't know how many times....BUT I still get laid because I don't give a damn if 1 girl out of 4 billion on the planet rejects me. It is so insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe.
No girl is more important than your contentment and you don't need to compare yourself to any other guy. Focus on you. Keep improving yourself and most importantly, let things go. Life is way too short to be worried about this type of bullshit. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XB2I8NU
Shunned? You spit some weak shit and got shot down. It shouldn't be a biggie and certainly shouldn't effect you enough to start a thread on Reddit about it. You sound like you are way too attached to outcome, perception, and taking things personally. She wasn't into you or didn't feel like talking at that point in time. Learn to let go, see: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00XB2I8NU?*Version*=1&*entries*=0
Honestly, most people don't give a shit about you or what you do because they are so wrapped up in themselves...that is, unless you are really fucking creepy or desperate. If you don't have the social awareness to know the difference between a conversation and creepy, you'd better get to work.
I remember being at a college party a few years back and there was this dude who was staring at the ass of one of the girls in my group for like 2 solid minutes. Me and him made eye contact, then, I could see him turning over in his head that he needed to make his move on her, trying to work up the courage....
It was awkward as hell, as he said something to her like, "I think you're really pretty, I'd like to take you out sometime"...the line itself wasn't creepy, just dumb, as he hadn't spoken to her all night and then just threw that out there. What was creepy was his whole demeanor and that staring (which I as a spectator, enjoyed because I was dying laughing watching all of this). So, yes, you can get the creep label if you do dumb and creepy things. If you hold a basic conversation, things can go either way, and its ultimately irrelevant to everyone there.
Don't be afraid to approach because you might get a label, just learn to calibrate socially and it's no problem. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XB2I8NU