What is Reddit's opinion of Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

Yes, I would be concerned for your safety. Addicts, especially those on such a mild altering drug like alcohol, that can cause blackouts too, can be very unpredictable, irrational, and do things they normally wouldn't do.

Having an angry drunk who's prone to bursts of anger now having access to knives, carrying them around with them, and threatening ppl with them is not a joke. (And the whole claiming it is a joke, it's called gaslighting, which is a known manipulation tactic, especially with addicts).

It sounds like your husband needs help. You cannot get him sober. An addict needs clear boundaries, clear consequences for breaking those boundaries/keeping to them, and you need to consistently apply them.

Depending on how long he's been drinking, and how much, just stopping may kill him. He needs a medical detox.

I think you need to go. And should bring any children involved with you. You cannot do this alone, you cannot do this without support, you cannot do this without help for yourself either. You need a detox from your addict and a rehabilitation for your own experiences with this.

I definitely recommend the book, that's horribly titled, Get Your Loved One Sober

I live with a sneaky alcoholic too. This is so familiar. You are actually much more watchful of her behavior than I have the patience to be- which might help you if you are interested in reading this: https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Loved-One-Sober/dp/1592850812

Helping someone who doesn't want to help themselves requires you to rethink your approach. You've tried reminding him of the consequences of his behavior, which is fair and would work on someone making rational decisions. With the case of an addiction, that tact will likely have the opposite of the intended effect and reinforce his position. I can recommend this book below and seeking out a support group for family members of alcoholics for continued support.

https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Loved-One-Sober/dp/1592850812

Since the pandemic hit, most mental health professionals have switched to telehealth (phone or video conferencing like Zoom). So you could look for a provider anywhere in your state. There is a specific intervention for loved ones of a person suffering from an addiction, including gambling. It's called Community Reinforcement Approach and Family Therapy (CRAFT). If you can find a therapist who offers that, that could be helpful for you. Also there is a book that is a self-help book geared for loved ones. Get Your Loved One Sober. It focuses on alcohol but many of the same principles apply to a problem gambling context. Disclaimer - I have no ties to this book and do not benefit in anyway if your purchase it.

Sorry to be so blunt but that stuck out to me. Another option besides nar-anon, which is a good option, is to find a professional who does Community Reinforcement and Family Therapy (CRAFT). There's a book too - I have no financial ties to these people; I just think it's a good approach for people who want something different than the 12-step stuff. Here's the link to the book: http://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Loved-One-Sober/dp/1592850812/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=51x%2BjUuTrVL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR102%2C160_&refRID=15CF19FP801AR1607VPA

I don't know about getting into AA -- as everyone says, people kind of have to want to go themselves.

However, as far as getting people into treatment for alcohol use disorder, there is always an intervention!

Interventions are actually not generally super successful, a more successful thing is CRAFT (community reinforcement and family treatment).

You can find a therapist that knows about it. You can also learn about it yourself.

https://helpingfamilieshelp.com/about-craft

https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Loved-One-Sober/dp/1592850812/ref=asc_df_1592850812/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=266076169372&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8172989352074111730&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&h...

Start working in your own recovery. Go to a family support group and learn about boundaries. Read the CRAFT book.

https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Loved-One-Sober/dp/1592850812/ref=monarch_sidesheet

With them? If they are that deep, probably not going to convince them. You have to talk to your SO to set the boundaries in your house.

The best thing I know is setting boundaries, consequences for both when those boundaries are followed vs when they are violated, and make sure you absolutely, positively, will follow thru with those consequences, each and every time, no matter what. And you have to do that with your SO, because it's two of you. It's both of yours house. It's their family.

"I will leave the room when they bash..... Absolutely, will leave the room. Adversely, when they don't, when they talk respectfully, I will engage with them."

"If they prey respectfully and wish love for everyone, I will join the circle. If they begin to bash, then I will get up and remove myself from the circle."

Basically, you are teaching them appropriate behavior with positive and negative reenforcement. Like they are kids.

There's a great book, with a terrible title, called Get Your Loved One Sober Unfortunately, religion can be very much as intoxicating and addicting as a drug. I'll be honest too, this book has helped a good friend of mine deal with their toxic relationship with her sister as well, and no drugs are involved in that. It's a really good book

You need to talk to your SO. If it is this contentious with you at this point, then maybe they can't come over. Maybe that's a boundary to set with your SO. They can't come to the house. And if they do, no religion speak. At all. The minute they bring it up, out the door. Try again the next time. But that's a decision you and the SO have to make. And then tell the inlaws religious talk is banned in the house

In the meantime, yanno, I dunno. It sounds like you're gearing up for quite the dinner party tomorrow lmao. There's not going to be one conversation that will do it. I dunno what the religion is, how isolated they are. Maybe keep reminding them this is a fun, family dinner not a religious serman, perhaps they can turn it off for the night? Even God took a break for some fun

My mother is still abusing alcohol. My loved one is trying to control her drinking. One thing is for certain: Until your mother decides she needs to stop, she is going to keep drinking. If you are attempting to see her change, then you must be willing to change aspects of yourself to allow change to occur around you. This includes how you respond, how you react, and how you manage your time and priorities.

Get Your Loved One Sober has plenty of suggestions for how to interact with a person abusing alcohol and to take care of yourself. It is so important to keep taking care of you because it is so easy to get sucked into their world and let it slowly destroy your world. This book goes through aspects of the Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT) program. A place that you could share what is happening is through the SMART Family and Friends meetings.

The pain is temporary. You are strong and you will get through this. I believe in you! ❤️

SMART Recovery Family & Friends is an alternative to Alanon and Johnson-style intervention.

It's based on CRAFT (Community Reinforcement And Family Training) which was developed by Dr. Bob Meyers.

CRAFT was one of the methods featured on the HBO series 'Addiction'.

There are online meetings available, a discussion board, and face to face meetings have started in some locations.

Most of the material centers around a book "Get Your Loved One Sober", which was co-authored by Bob Meyers, but there are other materials used as well.

The groups put a lot of focus on what you can do for yourself, first... and then how you can reinforce your loved one's good behavior while detaching yourself from their addictive behavior.

I've been a volunteer meeting facilitator for SMART Recovery for over 10 years, and I've heard a lot of positive feedback from the people using Family & Friends.