Im with you...exactly with you. The self doubt left behind by their seemingly IDGAF attitude after that idolization phase is something no one can understand unless they've lived it. Im still trying to pick myself back up off the floor.
Any interaction with my SO, he just brings up more of what was wrong with the relationship, even towards the beginning... Im like what? We were insanely happy in the beginning like you describe, almost euphoric, so now he is saying there were always problems. None of it makes sense and never will. Im taking all the advice I can off of here, step one I got a self help book and just a half a chapter in I can see I picked the right one. " Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You , google the reviews on amazon. Sounds like a great one. Somewhere along the way I bottled my self worth in him. Im going to do everything I can to make sure that never happens again. Everything you are saying i exactly what im living and trying to fix.
Some sound advice here already. I will also suggest, as cheesy as it sounds, this book that I send to every friend going through a breakup, as it helped me immensely during my divorce. It helped me by just laying things out in black and white, organized my thoughts, gave me a plan, and reminded me to take care of myself during this crappy time when it was the last thing I was thinking of. You may have days like yesterday once in a while maybe, but they will become less frequent and you'll learn you're strong enough to to move past them quickly. You're doing better than you think you are, hang in there! :)
I can't guarantee this will help, but it may be a good starting place.
My counselor suggested this book to me and it's been helping me with my 5 year break up.
Also counseling helps. I'm so sorry. *internet hugs*
> what if you just need more time to get to know them and then it will get better and you'll be more comfortable with each other?
i know. this is such an important question. so, i read relationship books a lot because i'm divorcing and haven't dated in a very long time. one of them Getting Past Your Breakup says that you shouldn't rush to judgement when going out on a first date; to make sure that you give new people a chance. forget about "your type" and try to connect. okay, maybe it wasn't that book (can't find exact quote), but some other random thing i read encouraged going out on multiple dates (5-10) with people that you're 'meh' about. the author believed that chemistry can develop over time. and that relationships that start as friendly end up being healthier than ones with sparks from the start. the theory is that sparks and giddiness when meeting someone are due to childhood baggage we're trying to resolve by selecting partners who replicate our issues so we can work through it. sure, maybe, but i don't buy into it 100%.
i'm not certain that chemistry can develop over time. i've had a few amazing experiences with guys on the first date, wherein i felt completely relaxed, our minds clicked and riffed off each other, and the attraction was there from the start on both parts. and that's chemistry.
after you feel it with someone, settling for less is just...miserable.
certainly there's something to be said for taking your time and getting comfortable with people over dates/weeks. you should do what you're comfortable with. if you need 6-8 dates, then invest the time in getting to know them well.
sorry, i'm not much help, am i? the more you date (and i don't know what your experience level is with that), the more you'll learn about yourself and how and why chemistry develops in your relationships. i'm not certain it's the same for everyone. some are slow burners and others are spontaneous combustion.
edit: formatting link correctly.
> So how can they get over their ex's that fast
I haven't really figured this out myself but I have many theories. My first relationship of three years ended and she was dating another guy a month later (that she ended up marrying). I was fucking DEVASTATED for FIVE YEARS over this. One day she was talking about marriage, then literally two weeks later she was stone cold - we were done, and that was that. I lost her and her whole family all at once. I felt like nothing more than a piece of shit on the bottom of her shoe. I've never felt a deeper pain than this. How could she have moved on so fast? I don't know, but in the end I don't think it really matters.
Honestly, if you want help getting over this, I can't recommend the book Getting Past Your Breakup enough. I WISH I had this resource years ago - it probably would have saved me years of heartbreak. I know how painful this stuff is - good luck to you.