Alright. You know what you're comfortable with. I see no reason to assume you're not straight. Sometimes fantasies that are simply fantasies. Maybe you'd even like to try gender roleplay with a further boyfriend.
If you ever change your mind about engaging in sex involving two vulvas or simply want to look into it more, I recommend Girl Sex 101. It has a lot of information regarding being with queer people who have a vulva.
It sounds like you're bisexual or pansexual. You might also have a genital preference for penises. If you are interested in learning more about vulvas though, I recommend Girl Sex 101.
Alright. I'll admit it's a bit murky here, but it sounds like you're at least a biromantic parosexual. You could be allo for women and iamvano for men.
However, it's also possible you may be sapphic, a biromantic lesbian, or just a lesbian.
Regarding intimacy, Girl Sex 101 is a great resource. I also recommend checking out r/latebloomerlesbians, r/actuallesbians, and r/WLW to see if anything resonates with you.
Again, suit yourself. It's a real book that's been super helpful to me and all the queer women I know. It's about flirting, finding other queers, communication, consent, and yeah cunnilingus and toys too. A lot of my fear as a baby bi was not knowing how to do anything, from flirting all the way to sex. So this book really helped walk me through it in a gentle and fun way. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TGP74U4/ref=cm\_sw\_em\_r\_mt\_dp\_N5WGZB3ESAJY60HXZYG5
You never have to bottom for anyone. Ever. Not even your girlfriend. If you're a top, you're a top.
It may be worth considering an open relationship so you can both still have sexual releases through topping.
If an open relationship isn't appealing to either of you, you can always have outercourse and reserve penetration for toys. (The cool thing is some toys even allow both partners to penetrate it at once.) Some examples of outercourse include frottage/scissoring, mutual masturbation, docking, tea bagging, intercrural, handjobs, footjobs, bagpiping, and intergluteal.
Of course, there are also many ways to engage in BDSM that don't involve penile interactions at all.
I think this book is helpful for sex in general.
Rubbing her naked genitalia on any part of your body (or toy attached to you) or rubbing your naked genitalia on any part of her body (or toy attached to her) constitutes as lesbian sex.
If you'd like more specifics, this book is pretty useful.
Maybe this book can help you gain some confidence? It definitely walked through the motions in a really particle way. I have to have concrete examples to understand something well enough to have confidence. I think this book was great in that way! It wasn't just saying "communicate with your partner" it said these are the types of conversations you might have and here's language for doing it. There's even a section about talking about having sex for the first time. I hope this helps!
I hate to send people to Amazon but hopefully you can pick it up locally or from another seller.
https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Sex-101-Allison-Moon-ebook/dp/B00TGP74U4
Sounds like you might be bi. I recommend reading this book. It's also okay to let a girl you're with know it's your first time having lesbian sex. Every sapphist has been in your shoes at one point.
girl sex 101 (written from lesbian perspective but useful for anyone attracted to queer women)
r/asktransgender
r/MtF (listen to and learn from what these women experience on a daily basis)
I think society's queerphobia was getting to you, unfortunately.
Here are the resources I was referencing earlier.
girl sex 101 (written from lesbian perspective but useful for anyone who's attracted to girls)
r/asktransgender
r/MtF (a place to listen to and learn from what these ladies experience on a daily basis)
You're a straight man who doesn't have a genital preference. As a side note, it's better to say cis women because both cis women and trans women are born female. The latter was just assigned the wrong gender at birth.
These links should be helpful for eventually dating trans women.
r/asktransgender
r/MtF (for learning what these women go through on a daily basis)
Girl Sex 101 (written from a lesbian perspective but useful for anyone attracted to women)
What you're describing isn't a fetish. You just don't have a genital preference. Bisexuality has always included trans people, so you don't have to change your label if it feels right. If you believe you're also polyamorous or ambiamorous, that's definitely something to discuss with your husband to see if he's interested in having an open relationship (ranging from swinging to a long-term romantic relationship).
I recommend these subreddits if you want to connect with others like yourself.
r/BiLadies
r/bisapphics
r/bisexual
r/bisexualadults
r/actuallesbians
Also, here are some additional resources.
question and answer guide to dating trans folks
r/asktransgender
If you familiarize yourself with these, you drastically reduce the risk of disrespectful interactions. Let me know if you have any other question.
Girl Sex 101 is a great guide!
You're a lesbian who prefers penis.
You can't change your genital preference. It's not fetishizing to be attracted to trans girls alone. The problem is when you treat her differently than a cis girl. As long as you treat them the same, no harm is done.
Just make sure pursue non-op trans girls specifically. Often, a pre-op trans girl doesn't want her penis interacted with and may even have an end goal of receiving a vulva someday.
I recommend reading cis ally guide, dating trans folks, and Girl Sex 101.
These resources can be helpful for ensuring you're an ally and not a chaser.
girl sex 101 (this is written from a lesbian perspective but is applicable for anyone who is attracted to queer women)
r/MtF (so you can get a better idea of what these women experience on a daily basis)
and, of course, staying subscribed to this subreddit is excellent too.
I recommend reading these resources to increase your chances of success in the dating realm and beyond.
question and answer guide for dating trans folks
girl sex 101 (this one is written from a lesbian perspective but it's useful for any sex with queer women)
r/asktransgender
r/MtF
You could always recommend Girl Sex 101...
https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Sex-101-Allison-Moon-ebook/dp/B00TGP74U4
Here you go!
A Question and Answer Guide for Dating Trans Folks
Girl Sex 101 (anyone who loves women can benefit from the tips)
r/MtF
r/asktransgender
Worth every penny
Girl Sex 101 is very useful for learning about lesbian sex.
Girl Sex 101 can be really helpful with this. Otherwise, just talk about what your wants and needs are before you enter the bedroom.
https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Sex-101-Allison-Moon-ebook/dp/B00TGP74U4
I read this shit cover to cover and made a girl cum for the first time :) great feeling :) woooo. You can do it!
I was in a similar situation and am in a relationship with a cis woman.
There's a book, Girl Sex 101, and zine, Fucking Trans Women, that both have a lot of good information on how sex often changes for a transgender individual.
My partner doesn't like penetration at all, but if she did, I'd use a strap-on to perform; hormones has made it difficult to maintain an erection. Basically, after enough time on HRT, your penis begins to act more like a clitoris and less like a penis. Also, your orgasm is going to resemble the female orgasm much more than the male orgasm (e.g., explosive male ejaculations just aren't going to happen or feel the same as they did before). Most of our sex involves oral, hands, or vibrators, though I occasionally do like to be penetrated anally. My desire for penetration has declined greatly over time and I've actually decided to do a vulvoplasty (i.e., zero-depth vaginoplasty) instead of a full vaginoplasty, because I have no desire to be vaginally penetrated.
The thing to remember is your body is going to be going through a lot of changes with HRT and what "sex" means for you is going to evolve over time. One example is a thing that feels particularly good to me now, but didn't use to feel good, is to have a vibrator applied to the head of my penis, but with my penis pressed down against my body with the head positioned approximately where it would be if it were a clitoris (which, as I said before, it feels more like). This really only works well if my genitals are held in place with clothing, but it feels incredible. The first time we used a vibrator this way and I orgasmed, my limbs were trembling for at least (fell asleep, so I can't recall exactly) thirty minutes afterwards.