I haven't read it, but my sex coaching curriculum included Great Sex by Michael Castlemen as a guide for straight men.
Dear Stranger I logged on to hopefully dissuade you from making a terribly misinformed decision.
You, and I'm not trying to offend, would greatly benefit from extensive sex therapy.
My GF and I read your previous post and we noticed a series of red flags.
I would would like to recommend a book to you: https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Secret-Principles-Total-Body-ebook/dp/B00AIWGFCM/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=great+sex+michael+castleman&qid=1597990387&sr=8-1
I think here professionals address some of the problems you're coming to, and it may help to hear suggestions from sex therapist rather than well intention redditors (or books that everyone can interpret in their own way).
I'll tell you what I think you should reasses and then I'll let my GF say somethings too;
Personally: I'm going to quote the book on this
"Consider lovemaking an erotic journey. You don’t “give” her orgasms. You and your lover are traveling companions. But each of you is on your own individual erotic journey. Each of you embarks on lovemaking with your own sexual history, your own erotic fantasies, your own catalog of moves that turn you on—and off. And ultimately, each of you is responsible for your own orgasms, expressed from the depths of your own bodies and souls. Many men judge their prowess as lovers by their ability to “give” women incredible orgasms. This is a noble sentiment, and a major improvement over the attitude men once had that sex was just about their own satisfaction, and not the woman’s. “But no one gives anyone else an orgasm,” Klein explains. “You can create the environment in which your lover feels relaxed enough and turned on enough to have one. But she releases her own orgasm. You don’t give it to her.” Sex is an intimate dance. You don’t do it “to” her or “for” her, but rather with her, each of you dancing your own dance. Then, by dancing together, you turn the experience into something more than it could be for either of you solo...."
Please, just read for yourself. Ultimately (in my opinion) you need to reconsider your fundamental presuppositions. That's very broad, but I very very much hope you'll give this book a glance.
Castleman, Michael. Great Sex (p. 217). Potter/Ten Speed/Harmony/Rodale. Kindle Edition.
hi my turn to talk now:
You are so annoying.
You turn every possible problem into how she can get out "of her rut", literally every single time you talk about important ways in which this problem (which is yours by the way) could be solved, you only mention them as brief side notes because I don't believe that you subscribe to them at all, I think you have just over time heard actually sane people on this site giving you good advice that you are only parroting back in order to distract from your so wholly self absorbed perspective. When you say things like "I'm going to stop talking about sex and stop pressuring her" and a line later, without seeing irony whatsoever, say that you need to "tell her my physical needs and ask her to meet them as best as possible" (it doesnt matter whether you are asking "calmly" by the way). She isnt for meeting your physical needs!!!!!
The fact that your first post was not about how you arent having enough sex in your opinion, and instead a thinly veiled post about how you want to give her more pleasure disgusts me. Its just not true, you have needs sure, but how bout you be honest about it instead of putting LEGITIMATELY everything on her. You wont be able to please her sexually until you give a shit about her as a human being.
I dont know how you got so much good advice on your last post and yet managed to form an even worse (and wow thats a low bar) idea of how you should resolve your problems. Because holy shit, waiting around and being dissatisfied with another person for 3 years is not the way to do it.
You say "I need to start recognizing what she does give rather than what she doesn't." and turn around and say "At that point if her energy levels go back at least to what they were before we had kids I think I can live with that. If she continues to stay in this rut, well, I can't live like that forever. " I dont believe a word you say, because these contradict. You seem to approach things as "Im not happy, it must be her fault".
I cannot believe you are going to stick around just because " This woman is generally caring, smart, financially savvy, socially outgoing, does well with her share of the house and kids. I'm not ready to risk losing all these " You arent YET ready to lose all these things that this loving and caring person is providing you, no one deserves to be exploited only for their positives for many more years until you arbitrarily decide you have had enough of their perfectly reasonable behavior and leave them. Talk through the issues now. Seek therapy. If it doesnt work out dont subject her and your kids to more years of your dissatisfied behavior.
I don't even know why I gave you advice, there are so many people who have poured over your posts in depth and told you already how much of a fucking dumb ass you are.
Honestly, thoroughly, and not in the way you wish,
Fuck you.