My favourite one is The book you wished your parents had read by Phillippa Perry.
It’s a psychology book that really helped us understand how the things our parents used to do affected us and how to avoid repeating the cycle with our children.
It’s really non judgemental and helped both me and my wife recognise some of our short comings and think about how we want to raise our children. It involves a lot of introspection and can sometimes hit a little hard when you realise how your parents have affected your character but I really liked it.
I have the same concerns/questions as you, because it’s only as an adult that I’ve been able to reflect and realise how damaging the parenting I received as a child actually was.
I’ve bought “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)”. I haven’t read it yet, because it’s technically a kind of mutual gift for my wife, but from the excerpts I read on Amazon it seemed a very considered and therapeutic way of being aware of what you’re reacting to (often your own past, rather than the present moment) and how to heal ruptures in the relationship in a way my own parents would never have been aware enough to.
That’s particularly from the parenting side, but there are also quite a few books out there aimed at helping adult children of emotionally immature parents, which might help give you some of the healing you need to break the cycle.
Other than that, as others have suggested, therapy is likely to be helpful to work through things and put you in a better place. I recently came across r/RaisedByNarcissists and r/RBNChildcare which I personally find really helpful for my own experiences, so hopefully they may be off some use to you. The latter is specifically focused on supporting parents with poor upbringings in having healthier relationships with their own children.
I would second this and also recommend this book as well. Builds on the principles of How To Talk nicely.
Another good book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Book-Wish-Your-Parents-Children/dp/0241250994
This book might help :)
I found this book helpful https://www.amazon.co.uk/Book-Wish-Your-Parents-Children/dp/0241250994 . But it is a constant effort to be a better person and a parent.