Here is a book, it has a TERRIBLE title. But, it has some solid advice about how to talk to people on dates so that you can really get to know people.
Look into some counseling as this isn’t healthy and as you discovered
Go slower in dating. So many people want to be in the “comfortable, companionable,” stage of a relationship so they rush to get there.
Step back and really evaluate who the person you are with IS!
There’s a good book with an awful name called How to Marry the Man of your Choice.
It talks about how to find out about people and to figure out what YOU want.
Be very upfront with folks about wanting marriage, a family etc. anyone who bolts isn’t the person you are looking for.
Don’t rush into things. Be wary of Love Bombing
Take time to learn about a potential partner.
Read a book with the world’s worst title, How to Marry the man of your Choice
It’s not what you think, exactly. The author tells you to firm up YOUR needs first and then talks about ways to draw out from potential mates if your goals on a relationship align.
Never settle and don’t rush into anything. Be pragmatic.