First thing: just basically do the opposite of what your parents did. :D
Seriously though, that's basically the gist of it. My parents were completely irresponsible. Mother was a total narcissist, and my father was not really qualified to be one. I only learned from them what not to do.
Also read as much as you can on the internet. There are tons of blogs and stuff about child-raising theories. Don't treat anything like the gospel, but it should give you ideas as to what is "normal".
I especially recommend this (hilarious) book you can get on Amazon:
Basically this is your opportunity to treat your kids the way you wish your parents had treated you. I had a truly horrible mother (with whom I am no-contact), and now have 3 young girls who appear to be growing up very well adjusted. As long as you are aware that it was your parents, not you, who were at fault then you are on the right path to avoid being like them.
How to Traumatize Your Children: 7 Proven Methods to Help You Screw Up Your Kids Deliberately and with Skill https://www.amazon.com/dp/1601063091/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_02QB4C3GMYA4YHBC2JR7
Now obviously this is a parody, but I bought it for my husband when I was pregnant with our first and it's actually very good at explaining the different ways that people mess up their kids. You'd never find me willing to read a parenting book, but depending on his sense of humor, this might be a fun read for him.
I didn't think it was, but... well
Right? My husband has a business client that gifts him Jack Daniels every Christmas. We have like 10 unopened bottles now, to be regifted when appropriate.
Oof, I was trying to find the "how you know you're an alcoholic bitch" type books and came across this one instead. Might be a funnier option?
>It’s like all BPD parents rely on the same “mess your child up” textbook
I bought several copies of this book. It is so accurate.
You can just purchase the book through a 3rd party seller on Amazon.ca. Just find one that ships from Canada so it doesn't take too long (many of the 3rd party sellers ship out of the UK so it can take a while).
Check out the seller named Daily-Deal-. If you bought through them it would cost you $15.29 CAD total (includes standard shipping, arrives in 4-14 days), or you can upgrade to priority shipping and pay $21.78 CAD to get it within 1-3 days.
EDIT: Here is a direct link to the listing for this book from the seller mentioned above: http://www.amazon.ca/Traumatize-Your-Children-Methods-Deliberately/dp/1601063091/ref=sr_1_1?m=A3AGDX6JQ8S30S&s=merchant-items&ie=UTF8&qid=1447124577&sr=1-1&keywords=traumatize+children
Some of the reviews are funny, but overall, surprisingly it actually sounds like a book worth buying.
this if he has a sense of humor
Sure, all those parenting books are great, but have you seen what I used to raise my kids https://smile.amazon.com/How-Traumatize-Your-Children-Deliberately/dp/1601063091/ref=sr\_1\_190?dchild=1&keywords=gag+gifts&qid=1626466935&sr=8-190
Well, we aren’t all sweetness. I also bought him this to lighten the mood. 😉
This one made me laugh.
Knock Knock How to Traumatize Your Children: 7 Proven Methods to Help You Screw Up Your Kids Deliberately and with Skill https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1601063091/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_H7CBEYG3HXD0SY2DH4A7?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
This is one we bought but might give your MiL a cue on when she is over stepping.
Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0310351804/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_1VTB3FVBQHFGKJDZYPA7?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
How to Traumatize your Children. Read this, do the opposite.
Also brilliant as a wedding gift.