This is fantastic advice. While it's frustrating to not be able to frame a debate around what you care about/what you find important, if you think about it, you really always have to frame your argument around what the person you are trying to persuade cares about and what they find important. In this specific instance, they're different for The Executive and The Engineer. But in all cases, it never really matters what you care about - you need to appeal to the concerns of the person you're persuading.
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If any of this interests anyone else, I strongly recommend reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends & Influence People. Now I know you're thinking, but jryan727, how can a book written in 1936 possibly apply to a debate over tech stacks?! And you'd be right to be skeptical - but it turns out, people haven't changed much over the past 83 years, we just talk about different things. If you want to learn how to control the world around you with words, then you should read this. It truly is the missing instruction manual to human beings.
> How do I start valuing people more?
You could start by faking it. Books like How to Win Friends and Influence People discuss the importance of listening and taking a genuine interest in other people, and what they're interested in.
Since you have described yourself as socially awkward and have trouble making friends I HIGHLY suggest you read this book, entitled How to win friends and influence people. I read this book when I was around 13 and now I'm one of the most popular people at my high school.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346
Become passionate about something, you will make your best friends along the way. There is seriously an organization for everything.
Read How to Win Friends and Influence People, a lot is common sense but we often forget the simple things.
Be proactive: go hiking, ask people to lunch, go to shows downtown. There's plenty of stuff to do here, none of it will come to you. Most people are down for anything that sounds fun, don't be afraid to ask.
Feel free to shoot me a PM whenever. I thoroughly enjoy dhall.
The number 2 story on the main reddit frontpage right now is criticizing Napolitano and the TSA. Seriously, for calling yourself realitycheck, you have a pretty weak grasp on reality.
I have never denied thinking that the Democrats have more/better answers than the Republicans, but I've also never claimed they had all the answers. I'm more than willing to listen to and make valid criticisms against the Democrats. But you need to come up with something better than death panels and demonstrably false claims about people ignoring the shortcomings of Democrats.
Here's some free advice in case you ever get tired of people laughing at you and calling you a douche-nozzle when they think you're out of ear shot. Read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People.
> I tell her to shut the fuck up and unload a work weeks worth of stress on her calling her every name I know and topping it off with racist bitch.
https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/
I think it helps to have a solid understanding of human psychology. The better you understand humans, what makes them tick and in which way they can be changed, the better you can help them.
I think it's doable to study this yourself. Obviously the most common disorder you'll encounter is depression, so make sure you focus on that one, but the longer you'll go down this path, the more different ones you'll encounter (I had someone asking about multiple personality disorders today here on /r/advice for example).
I almost went into all the different aspects, of psychology, but it's really too much for a single post here, so I'll just give you some pointers.
MIT has a free study course on psychology. Once you know more about all the mental disorders, wikipedia can help with learning more about their history and symptoms.
Then there's behavioral psychology, which you can study here.
Then in addition to that, you can study how to influence and convince people. That's not really a study course (as far as I know), but there are plenty of books out there on the subject and dozens of websites. I'll warn you that it's a bit more wishy washy (not nearly as scientific), but if you search on amazon for books and google for websites, you'll get the general idea if you study it for a few hours (here's one book that comes to mind but there are many more).
The pointers I've given you should be enough to study the subject for at least 100 hours, I would guess. Once you've spent that much time on it, you should be good enough to start helping people. Becoming a master will take many more hours of studying and practical advice giving.
> it wasn't some bs degree, it was in business admin.
They're all BS degrees.
Pair that degree up with this:
http://www.audible.com/pd/Business/How-to-Win-Friends-Influence-People-Audiobook/B002V5BV96/
Damn thing is $23. You can get the book instead for a few dollars, but you might get more value out of a $14 Audible subscription than out of $8 paper book + $4 shipping. The production value on the audio book is high, and you can waste the other credits on something like Moonwalking with Einstein (also entertaining, high production value). Still, if you want the book:
http://smile.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/
Definitely get the old edition, not the updated revisions, "In the Digital Age", or such bullshit.
Might help you get a job and negotiate a good salary; in any case, this is critical shit for a business administrator.
> a lot more people are going to be relying on government disbursements very soon.
No kidding.
> My family gets about $2,750 per month. I would actually far prefer for my family to get $2,000 per month in cash and have section 8, food-stamps and TANF completely abolished.
Family, 3 people. My CD proposal suggests about $600 per person, about $1800. It's a little short, but it's doable--at least it's marketable, in that the market can provide all basic needs in that range, and so will do so as a vehicle for profit.
> Then I would actually have some say in what I spend my money on, the stigma would be far less, and the administration costs would plummet.
Yeah, it would be far more efficient than our current hot mess.
Somebody needs to read how to win friends and influence people :)
how to win friends and influence people
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346
should be required reading
Three different books on the same theme, by authors who have very different philosophical influences.
How To Win Friends and Influence People
I taught myself how to live, and be myself, something extremely valuable and underrated; something extremely misunderstood.
In the end, all your knowledge and existence is moot unless you share it with others.
One of the things this community (reddit) hates is the study of relationships (the game / the rules). Dating and sex has been a huge passion of mine, both as a study and a hobby.
That feeling you get, the moment you put yourself out there for the acceptance of another, is a culmination of your life experiences and your self valuation. It's a thrill.
I took that journey with 2 of my friends and we all came out extremely content, and our life was immensely richer (in both financial and social aspects). Think of each element in your life as a spoke on a wheel, you can't take one further without the rest growing as well.
There are many bumps along the road and many set backs. You will think your life had much less pain and hardship before you took this journey, and you would be right, but you would also realize just how precious all those memories you have attained are.
If you are already very fulfilled as a person, by all means, ignore this post. But if you thirst for a type of knowledge that stretches to every other type of knowledge; you should start on this as soon as possible.
Those two things will start you out. If neither of them hooks you, dump it right away. Either you already have what it offers, or you're already after bigger and better things.
Firstly, Join the biggest team that your school has. Secondly, Read two books. "How to win friends and influence people" and two "The game"
These are both very easy to read books that show you how people tick, there's drives, motivations, etc.. and importantly, the dale carnegie books has many good sayings and things to remember that just shed so much new idealogy. Then.. Practice, practice, practice.
Not sure if this will help, but a bit about my life:
I was a late bloomer, when I was in 8th grade I looked like I was in 5th and this trend continued until I was around age 21 when a job doing physical labor helped to spark some testosterone in me and build a few muscles (not many, but my bicep was no longer as thin as my wrist).
All through the last half of jr. High and high school I thought to myself, "I'm sort of a geek, I want the girls, cool guys get girls, what would a cool guy be doing?". Cool guys played guitar, so I started playing. Cool guys ride motorcycles, so I started riding. Cool guys throw knives, so I learned to throw knives. Cool guys can fight, I took up a variety of martial arts. By the time I was around 22-23 I had a bunch of skills that your generic action hero or movie protagonist might. I also took great pains to build skills in the social arts. Charm, like any other skill, can be learned (a great starter book on this is How to Win Friend's and Influence People). I feel like I achieved my cool guy status when I went to a party only knowing one person, and I left knowing every single person's name and at least a bit about them. The art of genuine conversation is probably the most important skill you can get. The trick is the 'genuine' part, people can spot fake interest a mile away.
Somewhere between my mid teens and my early 20's I became the cool guy I always wanted to be. The funny thing is I don't feel a whole lot different. Sure I have confidence, but confidence builds naturally through success, and the foundation of success is failure. If you can summon up the courage to put yourself out there I guarantee you will fail, but you will also succeed. Soon the failures will barely be a blip on the radar towards your successes. One of my favorite quotes is by Henry Emerson Fosdick who said,
"Happiness is not mostly pleasure; it is mostly victory."
I find that to be more true each day I live.
Now I'm in my mid 20's and being 'cool' or a 'man' means something else to me. To me a man is someone who sticks to his morals and ethics even when it is uncomfortable or even deadly. A man tries to improve himself as well as the souls around him, not only through example, but also through kindness and compassion. I can't say I'm the best at this, but I do make a conscience effort every day. Some books I would recommend on your journey (I used to be a self help nut!).
How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824794&sr=1-1
The Hagakure - Yamamota Tsunetomo http://www.amazon.com/Hagakure-Book-Samurai-Yamamoto-Tsunetomo/dp/4770029160/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824735&sr=8-2
The Emperor's Handbook / Meditations - Marcus Aurelius http://www.amazon.com/Emperors-Handbook-New-Translation-Meditations/dp/0743233832/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824862&sr=1-1
Zen Mind, Beginners Mind - Shunryu Suzuki (this one doesn't really pertain to being a man, but I find meditation to be particularly helpful in being mindful and focused during daily life). http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Mind-Beginners-Shambhala-Library/dp/1590302672/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824911&sr=1-1
I think the most important thing to remember is that becoming the person you want to be is a gradual process that takes time. Something almost as important to realize is that all those people you think have it all together (be they some popular jock or long dead philosophers), struggle with the same sort of things you do. We all want to live up to our potential, we all want to make as few mistakes as possible, we all worry about what others think of us to some degree. Keep living life and don't give up, you can be as awesome as you want to be, just takes a little thought and some active choices.
Cheers!
The following resources helped me immensely:
1) Finding someone in-person
Go to psychologytoday.com -> Find a Therapist -> Enter your location -> Scroll down on the side until you see "Types of Therapy" and expand to see all the options -> Select "Motivational Interviewing" or "Coaching"
2) YouTuber Dan O'Connor (he offers online courses but also has tons of free YouTube content)
3) Books:
How to Win Friends and Influence People (Classic and helpful/condensed versions are great too)
Communicating Effectively For Dummies (the "For Dummies" series is straight forward and inexpensive)
4) Myers-Briggs Personality Test:
This can help you gain a sense of self and why you communicate a certain way vs. other personalities. I LOVED learning about this. It is incredible and so so helpful.
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test (free version)
https://www.mbtionline.com/TaketheMBTI (official version/costs $50)
5) Communication Courses at a local college
Look to see what your local college offers! Business Communication, Psychology courses, and Sociology are all fantastic ways to learn!
Don't burn those bridges! Suggest that the material you're receiving is splendid, and would work marvelously in another application. However, it simply won't do for what you requested, perhaps they have something else up their sleeve?
Somewhat off topic, but if you haven't, read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. Awesome book.
LOL, you spent $75k on a BA in theater? What was your plan to get a job and pay this back when you graduated?
There you go dude $15.00.
This event isn't that important. Your grandpa will understand. But why are you 18 and without friends?
Work at socializing. I know it's not easy. May not even seem worthwhile. But it's immensely easier in life, to go at it with friends. Friends help you get jobs. Friends help you when you need a ride. Friends help you meet other friends, and among them may even be some girls. At some point in college, you'll have to do group work also. And almost any job you have, you'll be working with, you guessed it, people.
Learn to socialize. The way our society is built, is based on it social relationships. This comes from as far back as when we were monkeys. We work together, in our groups, towards similar goals, helping each other along the way.
Learn/train yourself to genuinely be interested in other people's lives. This book is a good foundation to start. It will be very hard at first, but socializing gets easier the more you do it, and the farther you get along, you meet new people exponentially as people you know introduce you to new people. So, hard at first, but easier as you go along.
Social skills will propel you farther than most other skills. In combination, they are extremely valuable.
So is this one, which would benefit you greatly, idiot.