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How To Win Friends and Influence People?
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Personal life questions - pretend to be mysterious and evasive and say some bullshit that makes you sound cool like everyone keeps saying. Know some stuff about people in advance so you can mention things you know they will like to seem more interesting.
Also people like it when you take the time to get to know them. Literally the easiest thing to making friends. Practice observing people, single out the ones that you want to be friends with. edit: you actually will be happiest finding some real friends than just becoming “popular”
If you really wanna get serious, get started by reading this book maybe?
Even better: Go to the Whispersync-enabled Kindle version on Amazon ($11.99), and under the "Buy Now" button, check the box "Add Audible narration for $12.99" so you get both for $24.98 as a non-subscriber.
It's so astoundingly stupid, if you're a monthly subscriber there's no way to add the e-book when you buy the audio with a credit. And if you do buy the e-book and try to add the audio as above, it pays for the audio part ($12.99 above, but often as low as $2-3 for other books) with your $14.95 credit (edit: unless you check a box to not use the credit). Mind-boggling.
Step 1) Buy this book. Dale Carnegie's "How to win Friends and Influence People" http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003WEAI4E/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1
Step 2) Read this book
Step 3) put this book into practice
Step 4) Repeat steps 2-4 as often as needed
When I read the book and took the class there are a couple things i took from it. 1) the first rule. Don't Criticize, Condemn, or complain. Nothing turns people off to you as much as doing those. 2) Be a good listener. Another example of the 80/20 rule. Listen 80% / Talk 20%. Not only listen but actually pay attention. Put your phone down and have a conversation. Don't interrupt people when they are talking. 3) Make the conversation about them. Ask people about their interests. Talk about what they like, not about what you like.
Making friends is tough. You need to get the other person to be interested in you and that doesn't happen right away.
And 1 more thing...
NEVER EVER EVER EVER be a story topper. Everybody knows what I'm talking about. It's one of the very first things I will notice about a person and I can't stand people that are story toppers.
>When we first moved here I joined the PTA, went to meetings, and politely introduced myself to the other parents. I really tried, but I guess I'm just too weird for this small town, and after a year of trying I just stopped going. I don't know what to do.
Does the PTA offer any volunteer activities? The PTA meeting may be tricky to navigate, as there is a formal structure, after which friends congregate with each other. But a volunteer activity all but guarantees friendship with other parents.
In the meantime, and please don't take this the wrong way, but you may want to brush up on your Dale Carnegie. This book helped me get out of my own rut all those years ago.
I was looking into a book about social skills years ago and ended up getting "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, because it seemed to be more "good-natured" and less manipulative compared to some other books (not sure if it's entirely true, just seemed that way when I was looking it up).
I'm not sure if that is what you are looking for though, it sounds like you want a book that "forcefully whips yourself into shape socially"!
In any case I never finished that book anyways because I got to a chapter where it said something like "you should care about the person you are talking to", and I realized that I in most cases don't really do even that, and got kind of discouraged. Strange thing is that I tried quickly looking through the book now, and I can't even find or remember what passage it was that I read. Should probably try reading the book again...
Edit: The link in the sidebar, "Improve Your Social Skills", looks interesting too.
Hi,
Maybe don’t try to explain your side right away. It’s been 20 years and all that he knows is from what your wife told him. He probably doesn’t want to hear your side and won’t believe it anyways. Maybe try to build a relationship with him prefacing that the history between you and his mother is a long one and one day soon you hope to tell him more.
Then do your best to get to know him for who he is. Offer to go to eat and play where he wants to. If he likes film, go to an exciting movie together. If he likes sports, play with him. He may continue to be sharp with you, but if that’s what it takes to build your relationship with your son, take the bullet. Give him time and understanding for all that has happened. It’ll be difficult for you, but I know you can do it.
How to Win Friends and Influence People is an excellent book that will help you create a relationship with your son. It’s a medium sized read, but has incredibly information. Highly actionable.
Here’s a synopsis of the book https://www.fs.blog/2012/07/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/
I hope this helps.
With love, Bill Dinh
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, old but good https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003WEAI4E/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_YKTKW9KMP8THCRHXRDWX
Stuff You Don't Learn in Engineering School: Skills for Success in the Real World by Carl Selinger https://www.amazon.com/dp/0471655767/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_JT5MTCPXJWFE0QWNMNDE
Read and understand these, and you'll be in a pretty good place to get started.
Try this test. That may tell you a great deal about yourself. It's based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, an early personality profiler based on Jungian theory.
And realize this: being introverted doesn't necessarily mean you don't like people or even that you're shy. It simply means that being around people tires you.
Another great resource: How to Win Friends and Influence Enemies. A classic book but absolutely gospel when it comes to dealing with others.
A lot of easy lessons to learn. You may find that it enables you to talk to people.
As an example, I'm INFP. But everyone at work loves me because I'm gentle, funny, and interested in them. They don't need to know how tired I am at the end of the day, often because of my interactions with them.
You can do this.
They can be quite high - and that is why I also suggested you look for similar type networking groups that try to run themselves similarly to a BNI with lower or no fees involved.
I would recommend 2 books that really helped my sales and personality in garnering success. How to Win Friends & Influence People and Think & Grow Rich. They were both very influential in my dealings with people, and really just reiterate the Golden Rule: Treat others how you want to be treated; however much more articulately.
Think & Grow Rich came to me at a time when I was nearly at rock bottom and thinking of quitting. The anecdotes in the book rung true with myself, and I was just moments away from success. If I had quit when I had, all that time and effort would have been for naught. I'm glad I stayed the course and I forever have Napolean Hill's writings to thank for that.
Dear Mr. Trump,
Here you go.
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Those of us who remember being a great country.
A lot of people talk about Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people". I still need to give it a try.
Edit: amazon link
Hey man, I did a video for you, i hope you can take a minute to watch it!
Here's the book I talked about in the video.
https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People-ebook/dp/B003WEAI4E
There are a few books that may help, How To Win Friends and Influence People, How to Talk to Anyone, People Styles at Work
Other than that, you might try some relaxing apps or apps that deal with social anxiety.
Read this book. There's a reason it's been a bestseller since the 1930s. So much solid advice on how to be likeable and persuasive.
> how do you convince people to take that time to write a simple letter on issues?
How to inspire people is a tough one. "Telling" people to write letters will only work for people who already agree with you. Dale Carnegie says you need only believe in people and I agree. If you believe that other people have the ability to make change, then you only need to educate them on the issues and let them decide what's right for themselves. You have then empowered a new generation of thinkers. It can be stress relieving to think this way because you stop feeling responsible for others' actions.
If you go into negotiations thinking that the other party must be convinced that you're right, then you have already lost. Keeping an open mind and letting yourself be open to be convinced is a great way to convince someone else, as ironic as that sounds. The idea is to search for a "win win" where both parties are happy and haven't compromised, as Stephen Covey would put it. Carnegie's book is more succinct and anecdotal, whereas Covey's goes into more detail and is more instructional.
Personally I like to remind people of the power of free speech and the power of voting. I actively seek out online conversations where I can share information relevant to a topic that is related to free speech, such as this encryption bill or a potential US vs. Apple supreme court case. I've been a pretty heavy commenter in another technical forum and if I haven't changed anyone's views, I've at least found some people who agree with me. In the real world, there are not many people I interact with who care nearly as much about this issue as I do. This is my outlet. Even online it can be hard to find the right place, right time, and right way to add to a conversation.
I think the government has a good point. The world is going to look very different if they are not able to access all the information that they can access today. It will be hard. But, the future will include encrypted communications whether they want it to or not. If we ban encryption, we will be worse off. Banning encryption isn't like banning nuclear or advanced weaponry. It is difficult to acquire those things. Encryption is easy to get. It won't be hard unless we turn into a big brother world. And I don't think we're on this planet to be controlled by some small group of people who think they know what's best for everyone.
> Thank you for your response and time, and the considerations in it.
You're welcome!
I was going to until I read the last part. That's not a way to get answers.
You might want to read this much-loved book.
Be warned, this will be very long, however i wanted to share my experiences up to this point and some ideas on what you could do. I hope this does help you, and anyone else whom is reading.
Definitely join clubs. you may want to look into Student Government since it's a great way to meat people and get involved with your school. Also, if you have a Student Center, hang out there often. If you're commuting, make sure you get to school probably an hour or two early. Also, perhaps a Cafe would be a good idea as well. One issue that I have is that there isn't a whole lot of recreational clubs in College, or Community college for that matter. Find something that can pertain to your field. Aside from College, when i'm usually at Comic Con's, I will see advertisements for a few groups that meet up occasionally. You may also want to try the whole Speed dating thing I mentioned earlier that is usually held at Comic Con... just be warned there will be a few interesting characters however.
You may also want to check in with any Mom and pop cafe's if you have any near you. They may host events. There's one down the street from where I live that does a Chess night which i'm interested in. You're also going to need to set goals. My goal for now is to try to get a girlfriend before my 20th Birthday, and that's only 6 months away, but it will hopefully motivate myself to work very very hard. People say that the moment you "stop caring" or "stop trying" is the moment you find a girlfriend. Even though I have no experience with women beyond asking them out and being rejected unfortunately, you do have to try. What's helped me is to think of dating as if you would look for a job. You can't put all your eggs in one basket. You can't focus on only one employer to hire you, as much as you can't focus on only one girl to go out with you. Dating is very much so a numbers game. Luck does seem to play a part.
I've gone from shaking like crazy at the thought of talking to a girl, I always rationalized myself out of approaching women. I trained myself to be a bit more "brave" I guess you could call it. At first i just started complimenting girls weather it be customers at my job, peers, anyone, and at first i was extremely nervous with that whole idea. I even tried rationalizing not to even tell a girl that I like her eyes, or her hair, or her clothes, but eventually I got myself to a point where I don't feel excruciatingly nervous when talking to a girl. I still feel awkward at times when I give out a compliment, but I usually leave with some feelings of satisfaction. Another thing I really started doing is cold approaching. Now instead of just complimenting someone, I tried to strike up a conversation.
Now it didn't go too bad, but it didn't end great but I feel as though it did prepare me for other things in some level. Over the last year and a half, or even perhaps the last 4 years, I've asked out over 30 girls. None of which were interested in me, many of which rejected me on the spot, others which led me on and used me quite a lot. One thing you should be aware of is that, you're not going to leave this unscathed. You're going to have some baggage accumulated over the years, and you're going to be fighting a lot to not feel burnt out, to not become bitter, to not become resentful. It's going to be hard work trying to stay positive, especially when it's a lot easier to give the world the middle finger and sit in front of your computer, but I hope for your sake, and mine that we'll get out of this hell of which we call Forever alone and I fucking hope this will be all worth it.
EDIT: You may also want to look at these resources as they have helped me to a degree:
Books:
How to win friends and influence people
Websites/Blogs:
Youtube:
A different take on it but a great book! Link for the lazy.
>Die.
Actually, /u/blee3k didn't call Gilbert an idiot, I did, and it was a mostly tongue-in-cheek reference to his horrible television commentating, not his book (which I have not personally read)
However, since you are so quick to take offense and resort to childish name calling, might I suggest another book for you?
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People-ebook/dp/B003WEAI4E/
I have no specific idea, but am very interested in the answer. The best I can suggest is to read books like How to Win Friends and Influence People and Difficult Conversations. But I don't really know how to specifically change people's minds on that.
Iknow you are trying to be funny but It's a typo not a misspelling. I should recommend a book on social skills. You are certainly not funny. And for the joke to hit it should be true shouldn't it?
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