So the best headline from that list is Stacy from reception. And even then I think you hurt the joke by putting Have a Boyfriend in quote marks.
I really don't understand the article's joke. I think you are trying to say that this man committed violence and pretended to associate with BLM. Because BLM protestors are being let off the hook for their rioting. But that isn't the case, so it just comes off as confusing.
I think a stronger way to hit that idea is make it more focused on the man himself and his philosophy:
Man's Motive for Arson Murder of His Wife: "Rioting is the language of the Unheard."
Even then, that feels like such a reach.
Your article also seems stuck on him comparing his plight with BLM, and includes a shit ton of quotes from him. How are the police reacting? How are the BLM organizers in his city? What about his parents family? The Hosts of Pod Save America?
Expand the world of the Headline in the article.
If you aren't reading all the headlines from all the satire news sites, you should be:
Scott Dikkers books on How to Write Funny are useful.
as is Comedy Writing for Late-Night TV by Joe Toplyn
And Second City, and Squirrel Theater teach classes on Late Night Writing in Zoom format.
The people you are up against have taken those classes and bought those books. They have weekly writer's groups where they practice writing monologue jokes. And give each other feedback on packets Now as they get ready for the NBC Late Night Writer's Fellowship that will open in March.