Thank you for this post. The whole, "dying in your sleep" myth is a toxic one that needs to go away. Reading the book "How We Die" forever changed my perspective on this.
Dying is not fun. It is not peaceful. It is often agonizing and terrifying. Our bodies are not built for dying. Evolution only gets us as far as creating and caring for children - what happens to us when we're old and when we die is besides the point from an evolutionary perspective. It is not an optimized experience.
I'm all for hospices and the movement towards voluntary euthanasia, but the idea that a "natural" death is in any way desirable is hogwash.
I read this book about the way people usually die.
My impression was that almost every condition from a weak heart to weakened immune system led to lungs slowly getting filled with body fluids making the patient die a slow and agonising death how we die
I actually came across this fact while reading Sherwin B. Nuland's riveting book, How We Die. In the first chapter, Nuland describes the case of his first patient, back when he was a student in the 1950's. Nuland could feel the heart wriggling in his hand due to ventricular fibrillation, like a "wet, jellylike bagful of hyperactive worms." Morbidly fascinating stuff.
Start out by wearing a lot of black when she sees you. Even if it's in photos.
Then order these three books.
https://www.amazon.com/Stiff-Curious-Lives-Human-Cadavers/dp/0393324826
This is a fantastic book. You should read it, I think you would enjoy it.
A good book that discusses just this topic: How we die by Sherwin Nuland.
This is a book by a physician about how people die. It is a really good read if you need to come to terms with death. They make a great approach IMHO.