>X-posting this from /xxfitness. I realize this is not the typical progress post seen here but I believe it will still be useful to some of you. > > >Hello all. >What you clicked for: > > > >These are 9 months apart. August 2015 125lbs in the first, couple weeks ago and 145lbs in the second. Not pictured is a mid-point around the holidays where I was 155+lbs at a higher body fat % and didn't want to take any photos of myself. I drew on some underwear because I like to hang out naked and I don't want to scandalize you. > >Here are some more of my current body but in a glamour light to show my baby muscles: >Unflexed/Flexed >Back/Upper Body > >I know that physically this may not be a dramatic transformation but mentally it has been a game-changer. > > > >Workout: >I am currently on week 6 of Strong Curves Bootyful Beginnings >+one day where I do 3x8-12 assisted wide and narrow grip pull ups, 3x10-20 Cable Crunches and 3x12-20 Captain's chair knee raises >+1-2 days of running 2-3 miles >I also do about an hour of walking as part of my typical day. > >Diet: >Currently reverse dieting, still have not found my maintenance >As of this week: >2300 35c/25p/40f >Trying to eat 100% clean but reality gets in the way so more like 80-90% > >Story Time >I have always been slim but am not naturally as thin as the first photo, and I have been even thinner. When I was 17 I got scouted to model (The one terrible photo of me in high school that I could find), . After dropping 30+ lbs to meet the industry standard of 35" (or less) hips I worked all over the world both on the runway and in print. It was an amazing opportunity and I am generally so thankful for the experience, but it was not easy to maintain that body and it was not healthy. As someone who had never before done any dieting or exercise for weight loss, who was caught up in the excitement of a new world, it took me a while to realize just how unhealthy I had become. And by then I had already grounded myself in a world where even a half inch gain can negatively affect your income and reputation. I didn't count calories then but I would guess I probably averaged less that 1000 net calories/day. Less if it was show season. I would try to go as long as possible before eating, saving up calories for the evening when I was alone and then binging on whatever foods I deemed "safe".I tried my best to remain healthy within those parameters, but obviously it wasn't possible. > >Last summer, after a couple years off, I decided to get back into modeling. In my off time I had allowed myself to gain weight but still viewed my thinner days as ideal. I decided to drop the weight again. I had convinced myself, somehow, that the trouble I was having with maintaining a sample size body before was due to lack of discipline, and not my body fighting to sustain itself. I didn't manage to get quite as thin as before but I got close enough and signed to an agency and booked jobs. I liked being back in this industry, surrounded by wonderful, weird, creative and talented people. But I was starving again and doing tons of cardio, burning calories i didn't really have to spare. I was anxious, depressed and the feeling of failure within my job was spreading to all other parts of my life. > >I struggled to reconcile wanting to be healthy with wanting to fulfill my professional duties. I found support in reading other models' struggles with meeting the industry standards and I thought hard about what I want from life and I decided I wanted a life where I was happy. So I ate. And I freaked out as I gained weight. I went to castings and didn't fit into the clothes. But I kept going. > >I have only been lifting regularly for four months now. I am not runway thin and I am not ripped but I am stronger and happier than before and that's all that matters. My mood is more stable and positive, I sleep better. I am no longer binging and restricting regularly and craving food constantly. I don't say no to social interactions because I'm worried of being around food. Recently I've actually been struggling with eating ENOUGH to sustain my activity and muscle development (never thought I'd say that). But I am also conscious of not replacing my old bad habits with a new unhealthy obsessions and all-or-nothing, perfectionist mentality. My approach to fitness and nutrition is fluid and changing as I constantly absorb more information and test out new rep ranges, rest periods, macro splits and etc. I fully expect failures along the way. > >Instead of trying to push my body into a pre-conceived ideal shape I am taking healthy, balanced actions towards a healthier me and letting them shape my body in turn. I am very lucky to have the full support of my current agency in this. I am no longer a "straight" size, and certainly not "plus" which puts me in an odd place as a model. I don't know what this means for the future of my career and that's ok. I have thighs, my hips will never be straight and narrow, I had to rip an old dress open to free myself because my shoulders got stuck. And yes, shaving my armpits has gotten more difficult. But I'm building myself up instead of tearing myself down and that is so much more satisfying and rewarding :). > >TL;DR: eating, lifting, no couture shows on my horizon