I am glad and appalled that this book exists: I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private
It's beautiful, except the line "For every loved child, a child broken, bagged, sunk in a lake." This kind of doom & gloom wears me out. It's not nearly a 1:1 ratio of loved vs abused. And while no parent should expose their child to the unfiltered evil of our world, equipping them with tools to say NO is vital.
There are some books written in an age appropriate way for young children that are meant to help them learn that "Private parts are private" and that it is okay to tell people if an abuser tries to make them keep a secret. Here is one example but there are a few others out there: http://www.amazon.com/Said-Guide-Keeping-Private-Parts/dp/1878076493/ I would highly recommend looking at some of those books and getting one that you can use with your kids to help make sure they grow up knowing they should ask for help and shouldn't be ashamed if an abuser tries to hurt them. I'm so proud of you for choosing to make sure the abuse ends with your generation.
I got this one. Definitely can’t read it all in one sitting but I like it. I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1878076493?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
I am a strong believer in early sex education/body safety. Kids should learn proper names for body parts, 'red flag' behavior from grown-ups, and that they can always say no to touches they don't want.
"I Said No!" and "It's not the Stork" are my favorite books for teaching young children about safe touches and boundaries. Nanny cams are very cheap and easy to use nowadays, and can give a little extra peace of mind.
> you can never truely trust anyone, not even those closest to you
PTSD sucks. Letting your guard down for your own safety is hard enough, but imagining something happening to your kids is enough to bring on a panic attack. Don't try to force yourself to move out of your comfort zone and get a babysitter, but likewise don't feel like you have to be 100% committed to never leaving your kids with someone. Take it a day at a time and if at some point you think you could consider a friend/family member/well-recommended babysitter then figure out what the boundaries would look like and what they would have to agree to. People have very different opinions about child behavior, and one person's discipline is another's emotional abuse. You can spell out stuff like no yelling ever and specific discipline strategies to use and a good babysitter will respect that.
We just got I said no! To read with our 4 year old. I think it’s s good place to start from along with some basic anatomy. We also go some girl /boy body puzzles for an anatomy intro.
On teaching abuse prevention (and stranger danger, although kids are far less likely to be abused by a stranger than someone they know), School Counseling by Heart has some good resources on teaching abuse prevention to kids--lessons with picture books and activities for Kindergarten through fourth grade, a link to a free coloring book, and specific posts about teaching kids to recognize grooming or to tell about abuse.
One note though--the phrasing on that website is always "an adult, teenager or older child." Whenever you talk to your kid about abuse, note that even a kid the same age as them or younger could try to abuse them.
Also, whenever you end up talking to them about abuse, this book is listed on that website I linked you to, but I want to mention it here because it's a very good book on the topic. It's also one of the relatively few books to acknowledge that kids can abuse other kids, not just adults. And this book isn't listed on that website, but is also a really good book about abuse prevention.