What is Reddit's opinion of In The Box: The Screenwriter's Simple Guide To Telling A Great Story And Finishing That F*****g Script?

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Hey, there, PointMan!

I'm gonna take a crack at this but, remember, in the end this is just advice/use your own judgement.

Alright, well, to me, a Logline is basically a HOOK! to grab your audiences's attention. You're simplifying your intricate/beautiful story into 50 words or less. Which is a skill in its own.

Depending on who you are/that particular story, you can choose whether to: write the Logline before the script, write the Logline after the script, or, not write a Logline at all! Whatever you choose, I personally don't think there is a right/wrong answer.

But, there are a few things you want to include in your Logline to better convey what your story is about.

Protagonist(s) - You have to give a sense of who the main character(s) is/are.

In your Logline, you didn't use names or any other specific, yet useless, identifiers. So, yay! "Small-town citizens" is perfect, because it gives us a sense of who they are: inexperienced, naive, maybe even genuine folk. Or, at least to me that's what it reads like! So, you're on the right track, but maybe flesh-out a bit more of WHAT they are. (Quilton's comment)

Protagonist's Goal - Putting what your characters want/what they are trying to achieve in the Logline is ideal.

Now, this is kind of tricky in your particular Logline, since there are several main characters in your script. But, it's not impossible by any means.

From what I can gather from your post, these people seem to be facing a lot of real-world problems. So, rewording the Logline to say "the ordinary lives of five, down-on-their-luck small-town citizens" might just be a step in the right direction; even if it just implies that they're all looking to catch a break.

Antagonist - Try and give the main conflict in your story a face; even if it's just life itself. By "conflict" here I mean what's the thing standing in their way of catching their break/what they want.

You could mention the extraterrestrials/an Antagonist character or simply mention that they're lives are made difficult thanks to the choices they themselves make!

I'm sorry, I don't have enough info about your story to give you an example here, so work on figuring out what they'll be going up against and mention it.

Genre - Here is where you mention the Sci-Fi bit.

There is nothing wrong with mentioning aliens, dragons, or Big Foot in your Logline, because this will help you do some quick worldbuilding. You mentioned "In 1950s Indian," which is an excellent way to give us a setting and a sense of what the day-to-day life of your characters would be like. Along with some of the social challenges they might face. cough racism cough

Mentioning elements specific to your genre will help answer a few questions before your listener asks them.

Act I Plot Point - This is the Act I Climax, which, I think, you hinted at with "...all awaken in a wheat field in the middle of the night."

While this pokes at the 'cool factor' of your script, it's too vague in describing the event that kicks the story/Act II into high gear.

What happens when they wake up in the field? Do they have powers? Are they deformed? Do they get body-snatched? Etc...

Just adding something like "..in the middle of the night to realize that they've become a hive mind" would be enough to give us an idea of which direction your story is taking; as well as give a sense of genre/worldbuilding.

Well, that's all I've got for ya, PointMan! Hope that was helpful! Everyone that answered your post gave some amazing advice, and I'm glad to see that you've checked your ego enough to listen.

Keep writing, cause I think you got something good on your hands.

P.S. Please consider supporting me/my book on Amazon. I wrote it for writers like us!

In the Box by Aslan!

P.S.S. I recommend making ONLY ONE of your characters the MAIN CHARACTER/FOCUS in your script. I've tried to put together an "ensemble" script like that before, but found that a single 110 page script didn't do the majority of them justice, character-arc wise. Having just one character leading the way will help you focus your story, your theme, and also allow for your supporting cast their respective moments to shine. So, yeah, either write a 110 page script with a single main character, or write a mini-series that'll let you explore all of 'em!

Hey, there, Baggabones88!

I know your question straddles both the topics of formatting and structure and, since the other posters on here gave you sound advice, I'm simply going to recommend you check out this site: StorySense It's been a great resource for me when it came to the technical aspects of the script.

Hope that helps/Keep writing!

P.S. Please consider supporting me/my book on Amazon. I wrote it for writers like us!

In the Box by Aslan!

Hey, there, Stefan!

You got some pretty solid Loglines, to be honest. And, your story sounds crazy interesting; has the potential to be placed in any genre!

The comments on here give some great advice, and I'll do my best to add to 'em. I've written about Loglines before in another post, so if you've come across it before: sorry for being redundant.

Remember, in the end this is just advice/use your own judgement.

Alright, well, to me, a Logline is basically a HOOK! to grab your audiences's attention. You're simplifying your intricate/beautiful story into 50 words or less. Which is a skill in its own.

Depending on who you are/that particular story, you can choose whether to: write the Logline before the script, write the Logline after the script, or, not write a Logline at all! Whatever you choose, I personally don't think there is a right/wrong answer.

But, there are a few things you want to include in your Logline to better convey what your story is about.

Protagonist(s) - You have to give a sense of who the main character(s) is/are.

In your Logline, you didn't use names or any other specific, yet useless, identifiers. So, yay! "Son of a hitman" is perfect, because it gives us a sense of who this character is:

potentially dangerous, most definitely in danger, and, maybe/not, can't take care of himself, yet.

Or, at least to me that's what it reads like!

Protagonist's Goal - Putting what your character wants/what they are trying to achieve in the Logline is ideal.

From what I can gather from your post, this "son" is forced into a dangerous position and has to get himself out. So, having something like:

• "...escape infamy/public eye..."
• "...dominate the criminal underworld..."
• "...keep safe his [life, family, small town, childhood, etc...]..."
• "...prove his innocence/find the true criminal..."

...will give the reader a sense of the where the story is heading, what the hero will be chasing and how difficult it will be for them to obtain it.

Antagonist - Try and give the main conflict in your story a face; even if it's just life itself. By "conflict" here I mean what's the thing standing in their way of catching their break/what they want.

• For this one, I like that you mentioned the "viral video," but we still don't have an Antagonist, per se. Maybe mentioning who's BEHIND the release. What if his supposedly dead father/hit-man was the one to release it as a way to reconnect with his son or to further his training?

• This one is perfect, because we can clearly see that "elite organized crime" is what the hero will be going up against when shit hits the fan.

• Like the first one, it has no Antagonist. I understand that, in this scenario, your Protag is potentially in hiding and is now forced to protect what semblance of peace this new life provides, but, at the same time, we still don't know whom he needs to protect it from. Criminals? Another hit-man/woman? The government?

• I like this one as well, because it clearly pits your hero against every law enforcement agency on the planet; potentially. Which would make for a bad ass globe-trotting adventure!

Giving us a face to the 'evil' your hero is going up against will give us a sense of the magnitude of his problem and adventure.

Genre - Here is where you mention the gritty realism of your story.

Mentioning the governments of the world, the Yakuza, or the surprisingly deadly band of Student Government members will help you do some quick worldbuilding.

"High school life" and "Suburban roots" kinda give us a sense of where the story is taking place and gives a sense of what the day-to-day life of your characters would be like.

Mentioning elements specific to your genre will help answer a few questions before your listener/reader asks them. Things like: Hitman, murders, criminals/most wanted/public enemy, high-school crush, etc...

Act I Plot Point - This is the Act I Climax, which, I think, you hit on the head with:

• "...a viral video makes its way across the globe."
• "...viral video uncovers his identity..."
• "...viral video threatened his newfound normalcy."
• "...becomes the subject of an international manhunt."

So, you did a great job giving us the 'cool' event that will launch us into Act II.

Well, that's all I've got for ya, Stefan! Hope that was helpful!

You obviously know your shit/have done this before. Your Loglines are very well structured and your ideas are pretty darn entertaining! Keep writing, 'cause I think you got something good on your hands.

P.S. If you buy only one book every month, please consider mine next time! I wrote it for writers like us!

IN THE BOX by Aslan

Your question is very difficult to answer, SheWasEighteen; mostly because there is a vista of ways to 'show' your Protag's response and quite a few questions that you need to answer before answering the rage question.

- How does your Protag express their rage?

Would it be just a mindless, tantrum-like flood of emotions that leaves a room leveled? Would they give their rage a target and blame it onto one single person/symbol that they decide to destroy? Or, would they snap and turn all that rage onto themselves; either through self-sabotage or, more 'show'-y, by physically harming their own body?!

- At which point in the plot does this 'meltdown' happen?

I don't know if you're familiar with any of the many plot structures out there, but, there are a couple of stages towards the end of Act II called "The Dark Night of the Soul" and "All Is Lost."

Basically, using your example, the Dark Night of the Soul would be where your Protag physically lashes out in whatever way you have them, while in All Is Lost they deal with the emotional/physical consequences of having done that physical act.

Now, from the way you describe this scene, I'd say you're going for a 'kick in the chest' level of emotion. If so, I would recommend you place the scene before your Climax. But, regardless of what I say, I think it'd be wise if you took the time to figure out where to place this emotional scene in the telling.

- How does the second character react?

Knowing the personality of this second character is crucial to this scene.

Do they have the maturity to know that the Protag has been dealing with so much this entire time and they let the Protag vent for his sake?

Do they argue/fight with the Protag, unaware that this argument really isn't about what it SEEMS to be about? (Phyloh's comment)

Or, does this second character simply not care about the damage the Protag's lashing is doing and simply embraces him in understanding?

- How should the audience feel at the beginning, middle and end of the scene? (HotSpurJr's + Authbattledamage's comments)

This is a crucial question to answer!

Why?

Because it will likely be connected to your Theme (lesson you want us audience members to takeaway).

If your Theme is "Righteous anger is the best way to solve your problems," then your scene must 'show' the Protag is doing the right thing within the context of your story.

If your Theme is "To endure life's cruelties with dignity is the mark of a good wo/man," then your scene must 'show' the Protag, through the consequences and damage cause by their actions, has done the wrong thing.

Answering these three questions will help you figure out the best way, with your story and characters in mind, to make this scene BOSS!

Best of luck, fam!

P.S. Please consider supporting me/my book on Amazon. I wrote it for writers like us!

In the Box by Aslan!

Hey, Ricky_Marti!

Wow, these are some REALLY insightful comments to your post. I'm gonna try and give you my two cents.

What you're talking about here is Setup and Payoff or Promises. (Google 'Chekohov's Gun')

Promises are, essentially, you establishing/showing something at a point in the story, then using said thing at a later point in the story.

Examples: - Big Hero 6: When first meeting, Baymax tells Hiro that he "cannot deactivate until [Hiro] is satisfied with [Hiro's] care." At the emotional finale of the film, Baymax says the same thing, and Hiro tearfully replies, "I'm satisfied with my care." - Aladdin: Genie tells Aladdin/us about the limitations of being a genie, then, to beat Jafar, Aladdin uses that knowledge to squeeze out a win.

These are just two long-term examples. Promises can be as short-term as: a guy walking into a bar and seeing a bottle of salt on a table, then, when a fight breaks out, he uses that bottle of salt to blind the biker about to rearranging his face with his fist!

Now, you're taking this Promise concept and elevating it to Twist Reveal status in your script; which is badass! But, in order to do that, you need to do a couple of things first.

Yes, execution in terms of formatting/how to write it on the page is important, but there is more to it than that. And, yes, the way with which you establish/Setup the Twist will depend on your story/context, but here are a couple of techniques that might help!

• Dichotomy: Establish that the item in question, in this case, the photograph, is both irrelevant and important. We do this via Repetition.

By this, I mean, if the photograph (read, the writing on the back) is so important, simply showing the photograph's front again and again will cause the audience to wonder: Why are we being shown this picture? What's so important about it?

You don't have to show the writing on the back (read, the Payoff) until the very end. Simply having the picture come up in the story (consider using the Rule of Three) more than once, and having your characters interact with it (hide it, lose it, talk about, dismiss it, etc...) will turn the picture from being a passing/irrelevant item to something important to pay attention to.

• Objective: Make the photograph your hero's objective all along!

If your Protag is looking for the information that, unbeknownst to her/him, is on the photograph, have her/him be in possession of the photograph the entire time! Then they discover that the answer was right there all along.

Think of the Hangover.

The wolfpack is looking for Doug; but, even before they begin their search, they're told that "some asshole threw his bed out the window last night," right after Allen says "is that the mattress from Doug's room?"

The answer was in front of them all along, but that Setup only Pays off later (Act II Climax/the "eureka!" moment, in this case). If an audience member were to watch the film again from the beginning, they would notice that Setup, along with the remaining clues that lead to that Payoff.

Other examples that I highly recommend are The Sixth Sense, Saw and The Usual Suspects, to name a few.

REMEMBER: Twist Reveals require MORE THAN ONE clue/hint at its importance. When watching the film/reading the script the second time, the viewer/reader must say, "it was right there the whole time!"

As far as referring to the picture in your writing goes, I would:

• Put it on its own line in the Description whenever it comes up. Doing that again and again will establish that it's important.
• Also, CAPITALIZE it when you first introduce it; like you would a Character. This isn't necessarily standard formatting, but, I've seen it done in many scripts, and capitalizing something is an excellent way to draw attention to it.

Also, as Writer914 said, don't be attached with any particular device/plot point/joke/action sequence/whatever in your script. As painful as it can be, if something you have doesn't develop character, further the plot, or both, it's gotta go, amigo! No ifs or butTs about it!

Well, that's all my brain got for ye! Lol!

Hope it helps, Ricky_Marti!

Let us know how you decide to address this issue!

All the best!

P.S. Please consider supporting me/my book on Amazon! I wrote it for brilliant writers like us!

IN THE BOX by Aslan

Hey, Mirchi!

I LOVE Sanderson's lectures. Regardless of the type of writer you are, be it prose or writing, you'll absolutely learn quite a bit from his lectures.

My favorites are the ones on Character, with the Plotting and Magic Systems lectures tying for second place.

Like all other 'writing' books, you should see these lectures as a tool in your toolbox; and it's definetly a new perspective for you to tackle the MASSIVE world of writing.

Here is the full playlist of lectures!

P.S. Please consider supporting me/my book on Amazon. I wrote it for writers like us!

In the Box by Aslan!