There's a book called "Intellectual Foreplay" that was recommended to me by a marriage counselor long ago that I still refer back to. The title is catchy but IMO doesn't have much to do with the content. It helps you think about and clarify what is really important to you that you might not even think of otherwise, and then questions for your partner/date/potential roommate, and the last section is about how you both see yourselves as a couple. I might have to go and look back through it again myself.