{"product":{"product_id":"1941536557","title":"It's Not You, It's What Happened to You: Complex Trauma and Treatment","price":"12.95","image_url":"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41tseLqf76L._SL500_.jpg","url":"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1941536557"},"comments":[{"body":"As conditioned to having to be perfect -- and \"perfectly moral\" -- as many (most? pretty much *all*?) of us were, we experience shame for what happened *to* us even though we had no choice in the matter. This is *some*times the case because a parent [conditioned](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-psychology/201402/explaining-behaviorism-operant-classical-conditioning), in-doctrine-ated, in[struct](https://www.google.com/search?q=social+construction+of+reality+sociology\u0026amp;oq=social+construction+of+reality\u0026amp;aqs=chrome.1.69i57j69i59j0l4.7012j0j8\u0026amp;sourceid=chrome\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8)ed, [socialized](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialization), habituated, and [normalized](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normalization_(sociology)) a child to belief it is responsible for that parent's feelings and emotional reactions. \r\n\r\nFrankly, some -- especially highly religious -- cultures are so typically identity-diffused, boundary-breeching, enmeshed and [codependent](https://www.google.com/search?q=codependency\u0026amp;oq=codependency\u0026amp;aqs=chrome..69i57j0j69i60l2j0l2.5879j0j8\u0026amp;sourceid=chrome\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8) that this normalization is all but invisible. And the experience of shame about what happened by the child IN the adult is just taken for granted. \r\n\r\nCan that be treated or uprooted? Actually, yes. See the material and methods at the link below even though the context there is religious trauma. Because the interpersonal dynamic, the emotion and the method of treatment are the same.\r\n\r\n[SIQR, the 10 StEPs \u0026amp; Recovery from Religious Trauma Syndrome: The How-To Guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/ResponsibleRecovery/comments/imohii/siqr_the_10_steps_recovery_from_religious_trauma/) \r\n\r\n[Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)](https://www.google.com/search?client=avg\u0026amp;q=cognitive+behavioral+therapy) with a trauma-trained therapist *may* be all you can find where you live, but even if it is not as well-targeted as the experiential therapies like the [10 StEPs + SP4T](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-10-steps-ogdens-sensorymotor.html), it will pretty likely help lift you out of the well here. \r\n\r\nAnd -- if you can -- get a copy of [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-You-What-Happened/dp/1941536557) and read it.","subreddit_name":"survivorsofabuse","author":"not-moses"},{"body":"[The Alice Miller Library](https://www.google.com/search?q=Alice+Miller+books\u0026amp;rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS867US867\u0026amp;oq=Alice+Miller+books\u0026amp;aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3j0i22i30l4.6812j0j7\u0026amp;sourceid=chrome\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8)\r\n\r\n[Christine Courtois's one great mass market book](https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-You-What-Happened/dp/1941536557) (she wrote several for professionals)\r\n\r\nOr you can browse [A CPTSD Library](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/7ap59r/a_cptsd_library/)\r\n\r\nBUT, I have to warn you about *C2H*. It was not written by professionals, makes a lot of assumptions that are plain wrong, and suggests revenge. MH pros bought into *C2H* 30 years ago, and pretty much bought out 10 to 15 years later.","subreddit_name":"adultsurvivors","author":"not-moses"},{"body":"Walker's book is definitely worth the effort *if* one has the time to plow through it all while trying to understand all the (*many*) concepts. I think \u0026gt;\u0026gt;\u0026gt; [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-You-What-Happened/dp/1941536557/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=\u0026amp;sr=) \u0026lt;\u0026lt;\u0026lt; is *much* easier to grasp as a \"portal,\" however. \r\n\r\nYou can also look through [A CPTSD Library](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/7ap59r/a_cptsd_library/). ","subreddit_name":"CPTSD","author":"not-moses"}]}