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It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library)?
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I strongly recommend you send her a copy of "It's Perfectly Normal" by Robie H. Harris.
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> The definitive book about puberty and sexual health for today’s kids and teens, now fully updated for its twentieth anniversary.
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>For two decades, this universally acclaimed book on sexuality has been the most trusted and accessible resource for kids, parents, teachers, librarians, and anyone else who cares about the well-being of tweens and teens. Now, in honor of its anniversary, It’s Perfectly Normal has been updated with information on subjects such as safe and savvy Internet use, gender identity, emergency contraception, and more. Providing accurate and up-to-date answers to nearly every imaginable question, from conception and puberty to birth control and STDs, It’s Perfectly Normal offers young people the information they need—now more than ever—to make responsible decisions and stay healthy.
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The book title is "It's Perfectly Normal". I had never heard of it so I Googled it. It's sold by all major stores, including Target, Walmart, and Amazon.
It has a rating of 4 1/2 stars with 2,480 ratings, so it can't be too bad.
If you want to laugh, go look at the 1-star rating reviews. Lots of Karens are outraged. It's hilarious.
I guess they want their kids to learn about sex the old fashioned way... by secretly watching porn.
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729
You can google "first period kits" and see what it's included in those and make one for her. It would just require a quick stop at the store and would be a nice gesture. Usually they are a small bag/purse with a few different types of pads/liners/tampons, a small bottle of ibuprofen, some new undies, and maybe something fun like a bottle of nail polish or some chocolate. A heating pad is also nice. If you are also concerned with the messaging from your wife, go on amazon and get a book, something like this, that's specifically about puberty and starting her cycle. Or send her a link to a website geared towards that.
OP, this is very normal when you are going through puberty.
This book may help you during this confusing time: It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library).
Definitely have a talk!
I’d also drop a few books in the bookcase that she can access that are she appropriate and informative. I really like it’s perfectly normal by Robbie H. Harris but there are loads out there
Having the talk is also helpful, but kids this age also don’t know what they don’t know so it’s nice to have a comprehensive book that they can peruse
I’m pasting a link to the book below. It was very good. It handles the controversial topics in a factual and unemotional way, and leaves it to you to explain your position. It honestly didn’t feel to me like there was any bias there. My kiddo’s therapist said she started reading this with her kids when they were 6, but it’s great for all ages (IMHO). It's Perfectly Normal: Changing... https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763668729?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
IIRC, there’s a boy version of the care and keeping of you but it wasn’t that awesome. I recommend reading whichever book you choose and then filling in the gaps. Just keep things matter of fact and you will be fine. Been through this twice.
This one looks promising: It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library) https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0763668729/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_EDRMWM52FVERTRFYKW1T
This is a series of three books, each tailored for a different age range. All are good. Having the "younger" one wouldn't hurt, just might cover stuff they think they "should" already know. Kids are weird.
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729
You might want to dig into that.
I would start with this.
NTA! Your ex sucks. She ignored your daughter’s call when she needed her the most. That’s just plain awful. Your delivery wasn’t great, but I think it was justified.
Also, OP, your ex has proven to you she can’t be relied on when it comes to your daughters’ sexual health. It’s great you made sure to teach your youngest daughters about periods as well, but your oldest is almost a teenager, so you’ll have to be much more proactive about the other stuff. Don’t just assume she’s going to learn from her mum or at school. That’s how STDs and teenage pregnancy happen! If it’s hard to start the dialogue, just buy her a really good book appropriate for her age, such as this one:
(It would be appropriate for the 10 year old too!)
Tell her to read it and to come to you with any questions she has. My mum bought it for me in my last year of elementary school. I was really embarrassed when she gave it to me (sex, yuck!), but as soon as I was alone, I read the whole thing!
Keep up the good work OP!
This sounds like the book It's Perfectly Normal, aimed at ages 10+, has a little cartoon bird and bee commenting along the sides who start out uncomfortable at the beginning of the book and learn to ask questions and be more open by the end. I was taught with it, and I recommend it all the time. It even has a section about HIV, and specifically, the ways that HIV doesn't spread and how you can still hug, play, and hang out with your HIV+ friends and you shouldn't shame them for it because it isn't shameful, but that an HIV diagnosis can be scary, so it's even more important to spend time with your HIV+ friends and show them you love and care about them. It also has a great variety in the illustrations of bodies of all different ages, races, sizes, ability, and more.
It's here on Amazon, or, better, you should inquire at your local bookstore to buy it from them if they carry it: It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763668729/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apa_i_sm90EbHQT7XD9
You may want to get your daughter an educational book such as It's Perfectly Normal that you can either read with her or she can read on her own, whichever makes the two of you more comfortable.
That's a great question....but you said they have their own rooms? Something tells me he'll choose to move when the time is right. Maybe casually mention it from time to time. Also, I couldn't recommend the book It's Perfectly Normal more highly.
This book is a really good sex education text for teens and it covers masturbation and other sex-relations issues relevant to teens. We found it very helpful. A child psychologist I know recommended it very highly. https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=A870ETNQKQ9VC016SEPT
Factual information is never too much information at any age. A few book resources that could help follow:
The Care and Keeping of You (there's also a second one)
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Also just keep in mind, honesty and accuracy are the most important things at this stage. If she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to be told at least some factual information about it. Obviously not explicit sexual stuff needed, but address anatomy, facts of reproduction, issues of consent, body image and body changes, etc. These are all appropriate when the child is already asking about things.
The three books are, "It's so amazing," "It's perfectly normal," and "It's not the Stork". They're written by Robie Harris. They're on Amazon and roughly $10 each. They help guide parents through age-appropriate ways to discuss bodies, sex, and where babies come from. They're really excellent, I have all three. I've read them to my kids and my nieces and nephews. [This is the Amazon link for the 11 and up version.](it's perfectly normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763668729/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_SvaHCbT1BCNGX) In the description they talk about the others in the series.
I understand where you're coming from, wanting to protect your babies from hard topics. Unfortunately, sexual abusers are a hard reality in our lives. RAINN says that 1 in 9 girls under 18 are sexually abused.. 66% of those girls are between 12 and 18 and 93% of those abusers are known to the victim. We also know that child sexual abuser is underreported and it may be a higher likelihood than 1 in 9.
I'm not trying to scare you, I just want you to be aware that no matter how desperately we try to protect our children, abuse can happen to any family. These conversations are hard, hard, hard things to have, but our children need to understand who to turn to if something does happen and they need to know that it's not ever their fault. Shame and feelings of responsibility for the abuse are the biggest reasons children don't come forward. If there's even a small chance that SD is around known abusers, then the conversations are worth having IMO... Even though they're hard to have and we want to protect them from the world.
I don't envy you. This sounds like a really tough place to be. Good luck negotiating this, it's not an easy thing to work through. Lots of parents make different choices on this topic. You know what's best for your family. Hugs
Edit: I don't intend to come across as critical. You're definitely having hard conversations now. I think you're doing really great and again, I'm super impressed that a pre-teen came to you guys with this. You're clearly already doing a really good job with her. These are just little refinements that might work for smoothing this particular situation.
Amazon link for those like me interested in buying it: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763668729
This book sounds awesome.
https://www.amazon.ca/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729
If this one is not available to you, just do a little searching at a book store or library.
You can do this.
Here it is. We think it’s great. My kiddo’s therapist recommended it. It's Perfectly Normal: Changing... https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763668729?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
This book. The younger version is how I had the talk with my kiddos :)
At that age, the book my parents read with me was called "It's Perfectly Normal". It's a great book for younger kids that covers the basics of puberty and sex. (Just a heads up, it includes a section about gay people and bisexual people, and is very LGBT positive, just in case that's not something you're comfortable telling your kids.) It explains crushes, what sexual attraction feels like, the basics of how sex works.
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When she is a few years older (13-14), one of the best books you can get her (and read yourself, before you give to her) is called Our Bodies, Ourselves. It covers A LOT of stuff, in detail. It covers everything from the puberty basics, to what it means to take care of our bodies including drugs and alcohol, sexual health, safe sex, and mental health and wellbeing. It is an incredible guide to womens health. Heads up that this one covers some hard topics, including sexual violence and unwanted pregnancy/abortion. Personally I believe it's good to learn about these things early, but you may feel differently.
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Amazon links to each:
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Some things I was told that helped me growing up: you don't have to wait until marriage for sex, but your first time will be much better if you wait to have it with someone you trust. Someone you trust means someone who you have known for a long time, who has demonstrated to you in concrete ways that they care about you and your safety and well-being, who listens to you. It means someone who you can have really open conversations with, even uncomfortable ones. If you feel too awkward to talk about safe sex and how to prevent pregnancy, and what to do in case of an accidental pregnancy, you don't know the person well enough to have sex with them.
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Try to foster the kind of relationship with her where she will come to you with questions or if she's in trouble. "I expect you to wait until marriage", or "I will hunt down any guy who hurts you with a shotgun", or "sex is dirty and for adults" will not foster that kind of relationship, even if it is REALLY tempting.
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Let her know if she wants to be put on birth control, you will take her to get it.
Don’t ask him about it because what’s there to say really? It’s obvious what he’s doing lol. You’ll just end up mortifying him and he’ll end up being one of those weird kids that try to hide that they masturabte and instead of crusty underwear it’ll be bedsheets or you’ll find messes on the carpet..Just nonchalantly start buying Kleenex and leave one in each bedroom and say it’s bc cold weather is approaching. If you do want to have some sort of talk with him about sex in general, I’d advice to get a book to help. There’s plenty of books for boys to help them during this age.
First, good on you for looking for advice! Your girls are already ahead of the game with an involved parent. I’ll (44F, mom of 15F) throw my advice in the mix.
Period products. There is so much out there that they should have access to info on as time goes on. However, I think starting with pads is the way to go with an introduction to tampons soon to follow. The reason I’d suggest brining up tampons sooner rather than later is the reality is, several activities will be more challenging for her in pads than they would be in tampons. It sucks to be the 11 year old who can’t swim and is too embarrassed to say why. Just my opinion, but I also think the longer you wait to open that door, the more freaked out she may be. My daughter is a dancer and has worn tampons since her first period. Was she freaked out - yes. Did we talk - yes. We had also given her a couple helpful books I’ll link to. Even though I’m a woman, I think she felt more comfortable reading the books. Now, sorry if I get into TMI territory here, but bear with me...figuring out what tampons work for your body is a process. If you go that route, I suggest starting with a “lite” with a plastic applicator (make sure she knows not to flush it). The plastic will move easier and be more comfortable for her. I suggest lite for several reasons, first women should always use the lightest absorbency their body needs, second, when it is time to remove the tampon, if it is dry it can be uncomfortable. If she is using a smaller absorbency it is more likely to be saturated and easy to remove. Lastly, make sure you get her panty liners to wear with the tampon in case of leakage.
Shampoo and conditioner - I’d suggest a mid level drug store brand made for their specific hair type. Products do make a difference and you may want to look into some additional leave in products like mousse or cream. My hair is wavy-curly and I wear it one of two ways, blown straight (nah for you right now, maybe some hair tools would be a good gift down the road a bit) or curly with a bit of mousse to tame the frizz. There are lots of great YouTube videos out there for different hair types, start there and I’m sure you can find something great.
How to decorate - I suck at decorating. Sounds like you and I are similar in the Pinterest to reality fails. That said, their rooms don’t need to look straight out of Pottery Barn Kids or Pinterest perfect. What’s worked for us over the years is starting with a comforter she loves, adding matching curtains and painting the walls. Once they pick out a comforter, take the pillowcase to the hardware store and use that to find some color swatches in the paint aisle. This makes the process very personal for them and frankly just fun! These three things, comforter, curtains, paint, will tie the whole room together and anything else they add will look great.
Hobbies - It doesn’t matter if you’re good or if you even do the things they enjoy (mine dances, I played softball) as long as you show genuine interest, and you’re there, they’ll be happy. Can you find things to do together, absolutely! Teach them things you like to do, that interest thing goes both ways.
You got this dad!
The links I mentioned are below:
Read this one before you give it to your girls in case they ask questions. It’s pretty frank, but explained in a good way...
The others I’d recommend are The Care and Keeping of You. There is a version for younger girls and one for older girls. For your 9 year old...
For your 11 year old...
There are also journals that go along with those books if that’s something they’d be in to. Also to be noted, they are American Girl books but have nothing to do with the dolls if your girls aren’t into those.
First off - don't be quiet around your baby when she's sleeping!! Let her get used to the noise, then she'll sleep through anything!!. That's one of the best pieces of advice I got. :-)
Think back to the stuff you loved doing as a child and remember to try that when she's old enough. I've had great success with my son doing that. One of my favourite memories is buying a big bag of those plastic army toys, you know the cheap plastic ones? you get a couple of tanks and jeeps and a load of soldiers. Started playing with those with my son when he was 3 or 4 ish, man that was so, so much fun. Usually some teddy godzilla would come in in the end and destroy both sides. Then we modernised it a bit by filming little stories on my phone and using special effects apps to blow things up. He loved that!!
Ask her questions, I get a great kick out of that. Specifically, when she asks you about something, ask her what she thinks, it's a great way to connect with your kid and get an insight to how her mind works, it'll also help her develop a questioning/reasoning mindset, for example: "Pappa, why is the sky blue?", "I'm not sure, why do you think it's blue?" - You won't believe the answers you'll get, it's so great. Then explain how it actually works, and if you don't know, get her to a computer and start googling that shit.
While she's small, let your kid get dirty. I mean seriously, playing in mud, jumping in puddles, eating dinner or ice-cream with her hands - the bigger the mess the better.
Minecraft - Play Minecraft!!
On a more serious note, start teaching your kid the very basics of sex education when she's about 7 or 8, seriously, any later than that is getting old. My son is 10 now and I got him this book. But you don't want her growing up not knowing, I hear people saying 12 or 13 is the time to talk about that stuff, but that's way, way too late. if you start with the basics at 7 or 8 then by the time she's 10 she'll be comfortable enough with the topic to be able to come to you and her mother with questions. You can get a book like that and read it with her.
Outdoor stuff - do outdoor stuff. Forests, beaches, join clubs together, scouting, fishing, things like that. We joined an orienteering club together, man that's so much fun.
Man, kids are awesome, have fun!
Edit: Hugs - never ending hugs!
Edit 2: Cooking, don't forget to cook with her.
Get a basic book. Maybe something like this? And maybe a book about consent.
It's Perfectly Normal is widely recognized as one of the best out there, but more aimed at middle-schoolers; the same authors have written a version for younger kids that you might check out in the meantime. For boys specifically, you could try the Boy's Guide to Becoming a Teen or The Body Book for Boys.
Adding to this - get a couple good books to read and discuss with him. It's Perfectly Normal is one of the best out there (aimed at middle schoolers), and they have a version for younger kids called It's So Amazing. You might also check out Let's Talk About S-E-X and The Body Book for Boys.
I think you need a trusted source for basic Sex Ed, that you probably missed. A source that you can go back and reference.
Some really good Sex Ed books, with lots of pictures/comics, (which are for teens, but I think they're really good) are written by Robie H. Harris. You can get them on Amazon.com: * It's Perfectly Normal * It's So Amazing! * It's Not the Stork!
Maybe you can find them at your local library?
Other than that, I honestly learned a lot from good internet sources and wikipedia. Learn to think critically about what is a good source of information. Plus, you can always ask your family doctor or gynecologist; and therapy is a great idea too.
I'm an OWL instructor and if you can't get into a class, you can buy the materials online for his age group (there is a parent guide for the 4-6 grade class) and we use the book "It's Perfectly Normal". United Church of Christ also runs the OWL curriculum in some of their congregations.
Of course I'm going to recommend a book...
Popular alternatives to It's Perfectly Normal: Chan...
